Commenter Of the Week: Brandon’s photo finish
Posted on June 23rd, 2008 – 2:00 PMBy Michael Rand
Brandon sent in a story this week that was equal parts hilarious and, well, probably inappropriate given that we couldn’t verify the information nor could we justify printing some of the words. So we struck a deal with him: we would clean it up to the point we felt it was still amusing, and he would post the original version on his fine site, World of B. However, when we tried to make an edited version, the story turned out kind of lame. So instead, we decided to make a Mad Lib out of it. But you can still hopefully read the full entry over at World of B. Let’s get to the Mad Lib (and please fill in the blanks with your comments, using the usual 20 percent rule that states comments can be 20 percent less tasteful than the actual post while still being acceptable):
The backup first baseman on my amateur baseball team is a good friend of mine, a father of two and a heckuva nice guy, but more interesting, he’s a former batboy for the Minnesota Twins. His stint for the hometown nine took place quite a few years back, and he was technically just a fill-in so his time was brief, but he was around long enough to pass along the following story.
The year was —-, and my friend Mike walked into the clubhouse to prepare for his batboy duties. The players were preparing for their game, taping their wrists, yanking up their stirrups and ———— and whatnot, when all of a sudden, ———- ————– came rushing in from another room, whooping in delight with a Polaroid in his hand.
Mike watched as ——— ran around to the players to reveal the photo and saw the teammates howl with ——- and ——. Finally, after the Polaroid made its rounds with the teammates, Mike was able to view it.
Pictured in the photo: a ——–. A ———, in fact, ——- by one ——– ———. A few minutes earlier, as ——– was finishing ———, he decided this ——— ——– needed to be memorialized for eternity. So he tracked down a camera, snapped the shot and commenced his showing off to the teammates. He was apparently so proud that he hung the photo on his locker, where it would stay for the next few months.
We’re expecting big things from you, dear readers. A COW could be won or lost right here.
19 Responses to "Commenter Of the Week: Brandon’s photo finish"
It’s not a real Mad Lib without the parts of speech, Mr. Rand. I would think you would know that.
“We’re expecting big things from you, dear readers. A COW could be won or lost right here.”
I’ll just avoid writting anything and take the loss.
The way this would work best would be to give Brandon’s COW story a title, then just list the parts of speech that you wanted from us. You could post what you deemed the best version later.
However, it’s too late for that now.
I’ll just avoid writting anything and take the loss.
“You tried your best and you failed miserably. Moral of the story: never try.”
I had a whole Calvin Griffith-related Mad Lib to go, but even mentioning ol’ Calvin feels about 120% less tasteful than the original story.
This sounds frighteningly familiar. My brother has a good friend who does the exact same thing. In fact, last summer he was showing all of us of a photo of the very same thing taken on his cell phone. A very large _____, and he was proudly showing it off.
The backup first baseman on my amateur baseball team is a good friend of mine, a father of two and a heckuva nice guy, but more interesting, he’s a former batboy for the Minnesota Twins. His stint for the hometown nine took place quite a few years back, and he was technically just a fill-in so his time was brief, but he was around long enough to pass along the following story.
The year was naught-seven, and my friend Mike walked into the clubhouse to prepare for his batboy duties. The players were preparing for their game, taping their wrists, yanking up their stirrups, galavanting around and whatnot, when all of a sudden, none other than Montgomery Van der Schmidt came rushing in from another room, whooping in delight with a Polaroid in his hand.
Mike watched as Monty ran around to the players to reveal the photo and saw the teammates howl with rapscalliousness and good humor. Finally, after the Polaroid made its rounds with the teammates, Mike was able to view it.
Pictured in the photo: a man riding a bicycle. A two-wheeled pedal buggy, in fact, ridden by one Carleton “Carl” Pohlad. A few minutes earlier, as Monty was finishing his morning calisthenics and blood-letting, he decided this pedaling peregrination needed to be memorialized for eternity. So he tracked down a camera, snapped the shot and commenced his showing off to the teammates. He was apparently so proud that he hung the photo on his locker, where it would stay for the next few months.
The year was 2008, and my friend Mike walked into the clubhouse to prepare for his batboy duties. The players were preparing for their game, taping their wrists, yanking up their stirrups and JUNK and whatnot, when all of a sudden, DELMON YOUNG came rushing in from another room, whooping in delight with a Polaroid in his hand.
Mike watched as DELMON ran around to the players to reveal the photo and saw the teammates howl with RELIEF and DISAPPOINTMENT. Finally, after the Polaroid made its rounds with the teammates, Mike was able to view it.
Pictured in the photo: a GIANT HOLE. A HOLE, in fact, LOCATED in the CENTER OF YOUNG’S GLOVE. A few minutes earlier, as DELMON was finishing A BLUNT, he decided this GIANT ERROR-CAUSING HOLE needed to be memorialized for eternity. So he tracked down a camera, snapped the shot and commenced his showing off to the teammates. He was apparently so proud that he hung the photo on his locker, where it would stay for the next few months.
“…he was technically just a fill-in so his time was brief…”
Jeff Dubay must have been on vacation that week to give Doug Woog a ______ _____, and to ______ Rob Stauber’s ______.
Jeff Dubay must have been on vacation that week to give Doug Woog a roast beef sandwich, and to mow Rob Stauber’s lawn.
Am I close?
The year was 2015, and my friend Mike walked into the clubhouse to prepare for his batboy duties. The players were preparing for their game, taping their wrists, yanking up their stirrups and anti-gravity belts and whatnot, when all of a sudden, Dick Such, Jr. came rushing in from another room, whooping in delight with a Polaroid in his hand.
Mike watched as Dick Such, Jr. ran around to the players to reveal the photo and saw the teammates howl with mystery and portent. Finally, after the Polaroid made its rounds with the teammates, Mike was able to view it.
Pictured in the photo: a power-hitting third baseman. A power-hitting third baseman, in fact, acquired by one trade of minor-league pitching prospects and two clones of longtime Twin Nick Punto. A few minutes earlier, as Robot General Manager was finishing enslaving all of mankind, he decided this unprecedented exercise in making a logical move to shore up your infield and add power to your everyday lineup needed to be memorialized for eternity.
One-upping Toonces:
mow Rob Stauber’s lawn
Well, I now have a new turn of phrase for at least one sexual act.
A reminder that there are two “b”s in Robb. The second “b” stands for “those were some mighty soft goals you allowed in the 1989 championship, jerkass.”
(/marth’d)
Stu.
Thanks for reminding me of all those soft goals.
Well, I now have a new turn of phrase for at least one sexual act.
I think “giving Doug Woog a roast beef sandwich” works in that regard as well.
Excellent point.
My Doug Woog hasn’t had a roast beef sandwich in forever.
Thanks, Dave MN. I looked for the episode, but Comedy Central’s site said they were renevating it or something.
