Michelle Wie: She needs a Dairy Queen
Posted on June 26th, 2008 – 11:29 AMBy Michael Rand
On a whim, we decided to hang out around hole 9 for a while and walk it from tee to green a few times because several intriguing threesomes were moving through: Christie Kerr, Maria Jose Uribe and Lorena Ochoa, followed two groups later by Natalie Gulbis with two other players (Young Kim and Carin Koch, to be fair), followed later by Michelle Wie’s group.
That gave us the opportunity to see scores ranging from a 3 to a 9. Wha? Aren’t these professionals. Well, not exactly. You see, the one who carded the 3 was an amateur — Uribe, an 18 year old from Colombia who is quickly winning people over out here with her spirit (and perhaps her nontraditional bright pink — some would call it hot pink — golf dress). And the nine? Well, that was brought to you by Wie. As she duffed her way around the hole making pretty much every brutal shot imaginable, a woman turned to her (presumed) husband and said, “She needs a Dairy Queen.” Or a hug. Or a better strategy than hitting a drive into the rough, blading a chip, duffing a chip, putting from the rough, pulling a Mickelson by pitching back to her own feet and missing a 5-footer (and that wasn’t even all nine strokes).
Other highlights: The fan who asked us: “Where’s Lorena?” She thought Uribe was Ochoa — a simple mistake considering Uribe (now at 3-under) was playing like Ochoa, while Ochoa (now at 2-over) was busy mishitting a chip and carding a bogey on 9 to make the turn at 3-over. … Gulbis is a charmer. She smiled and amicably chatted with the gallery while walking between the ropes from the ninth green to the 10th tee — making everyone think, “Wow, that golfer really likes me.” Obviously, she’s also a golfer (1-under through 12).
True stories: there are a lot of straw hats being worn … everything out here smells green … we have yet to use our “inside the ropes” privileges.
18 Responses to "Michelle Wie: She needs a Dairy Queen"
Gulbis clearly knows how to market herself. And I bet she was a tease in high school.
It’s hard to eat Dairy Queen with two hands wrapped around your throat.
Why does the LPGA use 3somes instead of 4somes or pairs? Is it to lure more unsuspecting fans? That’d be my guess.
At what point will people stop caring about Wie? You have to win at some point to sustain the interest.
I need a lot Dairy Queen when I golf.
It’s hard to eat Dairy Queen with two hands wrapped around your throat.
I get the strange feeling that Joker would have worded this differently…
“a few times because several intriguing threesomes were moving through: Christie Kerr, Maria Jose Uribe and Lorena Ochoa, followed two groups later by Natalie Gulbis”
Any threesome involving Christie Kerr and/or Natalie Gulbis are worth watching. Nice work Rand
I have to imagine that “She needs a Dairy Queen” was uttered in the mooast Minnesooatan accent ever.
“Gulbis is a charmer. She smiled and amicably chatted with the gallery while walking between the ropes”
Is that gallery the crowd or Gallery the magazine?
Forget Dairy Queen, Wie needs a couple of beers(aiming juice) and maybe a cigar. Hey it works me.
The only reason Wie is still playing in the LPGA is because of the huge investments of Nike and her other sponsors. They have millions invested and are desparate for her to prove them right. She needs to lose her meddling parents if she is to have a chance in making it….
I believe it’s time to go inside, Rand. Go inside the ropes! Tell us what it’s like back there!
I believe Ms. Wie would be underage for jama’s suggestion. Not that it’s a bad suggestion.
Oh and here’s the fasola-link, watch the salty language (it’s George Carlin describing golf).
Once you go inside the ropes you’ll never go back. It’s like a vortex of colorfully clad 20 somethings and 40 year old cougars. In other words it’s a replica of the dream that Joker has been having every night for the last 5 years.
Just do your best to avoid Laura Davies, she tends to bite.
Why does the LPGA use 3somes instead of 4somes or pairs?
I believe all tournaments, PGA or LGPA, use 3somes the first 2 days and go to pairs on the weekend.
PGA threesomes seem way grosser.
Reusse’s favorite golfer is dead last on my desktop leaderboard. Will he use the word “schadenfreude” on the air on in his column in the next 24 hours?
This link is actually golf related. It also involves strippers and children, but beggers can’t be choosers.
Gotta Love Shotgun starts and Shotgun Willie’s.
“it’s a replica of the dream that Joker has been having every night for the last 5 years.”
Why do you have to sell me short? We all know it’s been longer than that I’ve been dreaming about fat, more muscular, lesbian, professional woman athletes.
On a side note, Rand, you’ll have to let us know if Kerr is carrying this “trophy” wither her today to relieve stress between holes…
