Midday talker: Great sports names
Posted on August 4th, 2008 – 11:18 AMBy Michael Rand
That’s a picture of Roland “Champ” Bailey. You probably didn’t know his real name was Roland; and here’s the crazy thing: if he went by Roland Bailey, instead of Champ Bailey, we firmly believe he would be 40 percent less productive and might have, in fact, never have played a down in the NFL. Roland Bailey is a dimeback’s name. Champ Bailey is, well, a champ’s name. What are we getting at? Something as simple as a name can greatly influence public perception of an athlete. We have thought many times — reasonably or not, you be the judge — that a player would never make it big solely because of his name. (The first specific example we can recall was a mid-1980s infielder for the Braves named Paul Zuvella, who improbably managed 20 RBI in 491 career at bats, including four in 190 ABs for the 1985 Braves. That just wasn’t a ballplayer’s name, and it showed). We were reminded of the value of a good name when MC Creme Fraiche remarked over the weekend that Francisco Liriano “has a great name.” We’re not saying Liriano can be dominant because of his great name, but it sure doesn’t hurt.
So we ask: what are the all-time best and worst names in sports, both as entities to themselves and as predictors of success?
45 Responses to "Midday talker: Great sports names"
GOOD:
- Miroslav Satan
- Kobe Bryant
- World B. Free
IFFY:
- Gene Tenace
- Dick Butkus
- Bucky Dent
- Gaylord Perry
BAD:
- Dick Trickle
- Ron Tugnutt
- Craphonso Thorpe
- Ben Gay
- Coco Crisp
- Milton Bradley
- Rusty Kuntz
Ndudi (Doodie) Ebi- Getting called Doodie on draft night should have been the first sign of things to come.
Sadly, the NBA career of combo guard Douchebag Peepants was doomed from the get-go.
A quick check of the interwebs comes up with
Misty Hyman
Harry Colon
Pete LaCock
I could laugh for days about some of the less than appropriate names. What were their Parents thinking?
He Hate Me
The name Aaron Rodgers always just seemed to imply benchwarming and semi-retired future-HOF debauchery.
God Shammgod
He’s a deity and a pretender
Kevin Pittsnogle
Kerry Wood
I always thought a great football name was Chuck Studley, former linebacker and assistant coach.
A great hockey player name was Larry Playfair, who was one of the dirtiest players I ever saw.
J.R. Rider. ‘Nuff said. Or Christian Laettner, as he was anything but saintly on the court.
Great name that says it all: Scott Studwell.
From the Twins’ minor league system, Shooter Hunt is awfully good, as is Tony Slamma.
I just had this conversation last night with my wife, crazy.
Great Names:
Harmon Killebrew
Noel Devine
Teemu Selanne
Mickey Mantle
Bad Names:
Chone Figgins
Mark Teixeira
Rex Grossman
John David Booty (Does he have to use all three names?)
My favorite Cleveland Brown growing up was Fair Hooker.
Roughkat would be 40 percent less productive on Randball if he went by his real name: Rupert.
Douchebag Peepants was an ex of mine.
Bronco Nagurski
Lincoln Kennedy
GOOD
Ty Cobb
Cy Young
BAD
Chris Dudley
OJ Mayo
and a baseball player named Johan is always funny to me
A guy that went to High School with, his dad’s actual name was Woody Peters (Woodrow for long). His name is still on every basketball program for all of Jordan’s home games since he’s still in the top 5 in scoring. Only 4 people to pass him:
2 of them were each 6 ‘ 6″ and related
1 of them Charry picked by leaving his man and running up court when as soon as a shot went up instead of boxing out.
And the last one was his son.
Woody is the only one in the top 5 that played before the 3 point line was installed.
A guy from my home town was named Harry Boner. Great guy, awful name.
I always thought Joe Montana was a great name. I mean he’s named after a state. That all went out the window with this Hannah Montana [redacted].
“Woodrow for long”
Pun intended
(Woodrow for long)
That’s what she said.
/I know where the door is
Damn…
Anthony Toney was a great name. TOo bad the Eagles RB didn’t live up to it.
Is Ballfour the worst the last name a pitcher can have?
Good:
Ronnie Lott
Howie Long
Tim Duncan
Bad:
Eric Dickerson
Gosder Cherilus
Wasswa Serwanga
An awful-sounding name that he managed to overcome through courage, determination and grit (Hallmark Channel over-wrought description on purpose): Gump Worsely.
A.C. Slater
Dennis “Oil Can” Boyd
Great sports name:
Brock Lesnar
Calbert Chaney
From the front page:
“Man killed on I-94 jumped or fell from bridge”
Prior to knowledge of his death, the headline also included “and died or didn’t”
Dontrelle Willis - sounds too girly. No wonder he throws like one now.
Though not his given name, Magic Johnson has to be the best name in sports history. Bold statement followed by generic last name? Even cooler than Rampage Jackson.
Some of my other favorites: Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo, Shigetoshi Hasegawa, and I like names that are complete sentences, like Gary Reasons.
Randolph Mantooth.
I don’t care. It’s a great name.
How about Donald Igwebuike (I know it’s close)? Bland western name, gesundheit on the surname.
Dan Hinote. Especially after taking a stick to the groin.
Dale Murphy does it for me, Dale Sveum does not. Meadowlark Lemon is wicked cool, but I sour on Cleo Lemon. And Bill Buckner sounds like an error waiting to happen, and lo and behold, it did.
Worst: Spergon Wynn
Best: Pops Mensah-Bonsu (had a stellar 71 minute NBA career in 06-07 shooting .647 from the field but only .389 from the line.)
I hope we can all agree that the finest sports name of all time is … Tarvaris Jackson.
It just glides off the tongue … much like a deftly thrown Tarvaris Jackson pass … sailing elegantly into the warm embrace of a defensive back.
how could i forget mookie blaylock for the good section
Add Kirby Puckett to the good name list, esp with Bob Casey announcing and “Mudcat Grant”
decent pitcher great name for baseball Les Striker
It was Les Straker. But it still sounds like a mow-em-down moniker.
“It just glides off the tongue”
That’s what Jenna Jamison said.
… and Joker follows in Ms. Minneapolis’ footsteps with the misplaced vowel.
It’s JAMESON.
Show some respect for the pornstars, people.
