Talker Of the Day: Rebuilding the bullpen
Posted on August 18th, 2008 – 3:06 PMBy Michael Rand
Having personally witnessed two Twins bullpen meltdowns in recent days — last Sunday at Kansas City, when the Royals scored twice in the eighth and eventually won in extra innings, followed by yesterday’s [redacted]-show that resulted in Joe Nathan setting up Joe Nathan because he’s the only one anybody trusts — we cordially invite readers to reassemble the Twins’ bullpen in order to attempt to make a functional unit over the final month-and-a-half of the season. Keep in mind: any trade addition must clear waivers, and rosters don’t expand for a couple of weeks. With that in mind: solve this problem. Maybe you’ll win half a playoff share.
20 Responses to "Talker Of the Day: Rebuilding the bullpen"
Joe Christensen called, something about, “Don’t you consult your co-workers”. I couldn’t quite understand what he was saying because of all the yelling.
http://blogs2.startribune.com/blogs/christensen/2008/08/18/a-5-part-plan-to-fix-the-twins-bullpen/
Trade Bonser and Everett for George Sherrill.
/sansevere
I was going to suggest ignoring quality relievers on the waiver wire and instead focusing on overpaid starters, but I guess we’ve tried that already.
New solution: cut Bass, call up Korecky. See if you can find another Chad Bradford on the waiver wire. If you decide to do nothing, drive to Brandon’s house and kick him in the plums for metaphorical purposes.
Stu +1, but couldn’t Bonser and Everett get you K-Rod?
Juan Rincon might be available.
Call Marty McFly and Dr. Brown. Travel Back in time. Do not include Matt Garza in the trade for Young. Instead include Boof Bonser and Brian Bass. Slap Garza in the face and tell him to get off his high horse. Completely avoid Bonser putting out the Boof’s “7th Inning Stretch” work out video while a Twin.
Gardy should let the starters pitch through the seventh, then bring Nathan in for the eigth and ninth. He can let all the other relievers watch a couple games, hopefully they will they will come back well rested and with a more motivation.
Or let the startes pitch complete games and skip the bullpen all together.
My realistic answer is what Brandon said, especially since he’s the one who gets kicked for what the likely denouement will be, not me.
I think that any personnel moves are unnecessary. The solution is right in front of those in charge at 34 Kirby Puckett Place: Get the fellas in the bullpen some new warm-up jackets to “refresh their brand”. An entire season is based upon this logic down on 1st Avenue. Maybe the warm-ups could include a nice shade of green, or some trees…
Since I use movies as the basis for my existence, here’s a few ideas to improve our team:
- We need some Twins in the outfield.
- Find a 12 year old that recently broke his arm whose tendons healed a little tight in the process
- Off Grandpa Pohlad and have his youngest grandson take over for Gardy
- Make the bullpen wear women’s underwear and give up sex
- Move the new stadium to a cornfield in Iowa
- Send the current roster to Iraq and let some women in skirts take over
- Tap the local penitentiary system for some pitching prospects. Give them glasses.
I am firmly in the “effective Twins bullpens need facial hair” camp. What did the Twins’ World Series bullpens have in common? Berenguer, Reardon, Willis, Aguilera? Awesome beards or mustachios. (Ron Davis? Clean shaven.) When Stelmaczek starts making that bullpen look like a Deadwood episode, they will improve.
roughkat - You forgot about letting the Steve Nash look-a-like who drives the motorcycle on the team to be the power hitter we are missing…
Continuing on Rupert’s theme, Tatum O’Neil might be out of rehab and looking for work.
Clarence,
It might be because of the difference in sports, but the mustache theory failed for Croatian men’s water polo.
Make the bullpen wear women’s underwear and give up sex.
Done and done. Mrrrrow.
Wow. We go from 2 posts a day during the GBRT to…3 posts. One of which was essentially written by Wolves PR. Way to come back at blistering pace, Rand.
AZGG: in his defense, he’s been responding to a fusillade of e-mails from me. (Subject matter: are T-shirt guns awesome or merely outstanding? It’s gotten pretty heated.)
T-shirt guns are dangerous. Just ask Crunch. He once almost killed a fan doing a behind-the-back shot. It’s all fun and games until someone gets a shirt in the eye.
I thought perhaps he was making up for lost quality time with the Pug. Hopefully he at least brought the dog home a nice T-Shirt from Fort Wayne.
Speaking of T-Shirts…
T-shirt guns are dangerous. Just ask Crunch Maude Flanders.
Fixed
