The Friscalating Dusklight: the Kyle Orton era
Posted on August 18th, 2008 – 5:19 PMBy Michael Rand
As jama is painfully aware, Kyle Orton has been named the starting quarterback for this year’s Chicago Bears. We can’t really imagine a worse competition than Rex Grossman vs. Orton (who in that Purdue cartoon picture already showed some of his trademark Bears’ signs of cloudy eye and exploding hand problems). But this is the thing: the modern Bears ALWAYS have quarterback problems. And it got us to thinking: why can’t some teams ever seem to solve specific problems? Is it mere coincidence? Self-fulfilling prophecy? Boneheaded management? Bad luck? All of the above? Provide more examples and discuss.
None shall survive!
5 Responses to "The Friscalating Dusklight: the Kyle Orton era"
Worst. Comic book. Ever.
Vikings - ball-hawking secondary (obvious). Wilf tried, but (Bid)Adieu Williams was all he could get. Bad Luck.
Twins - power hitter (obvious). If you convince yourself you don’t need one to win a championship, don’t bother trying. Team buying into it’s own myth.
Wolves - Big physical center willing to play under the basket. Boneheaded management, bad luck and bad timing.
Wild - center, strong hard-hitting winger who can score (ala Jarome Iginla). Not for lack of trying.
Swarm - how the heck would I know?
Of course, every team mentioned above (except the Swarm) would blame it on lack of a new stadium.
Chicago Cubs - Playoff ineptitude. They must just hate winning.
Side note- Watching women jumping on trampolines, the olympic version, not the good kind. I guess they do not get scored: “until they do their first ‘flipping’ element.” I guess [redacted] hasn’t caught on to the broadcast world.
Vikes: Bad luck all the way. This goes back to the Super Bowl years. Always had the better of the two teams, but not in the Big One. The Hail Mary game? Double whammy. Bad call by the ref, bad fan with a whiskey bottle. How else can you explain the Gary Anderson missed kick? He hadn’t missed one in a hundred years or something, aw who cares, and then, bad luck. Drafting Defensive Ends, that doesn’t work either. Bipolar, bad knees, incurable disease. The worst though, a player dies in training camp. Terrible bad luck.
The year of the beard is upon us. If all Bears fans unite and grow spotty beards, good things will happen. At least Orton’s hair is by choice and isn’t attached to a growth the size of a baseball like a fellow Boilermaker
cough….my new fantasy QB…cough…Drew Brees…cough.
