Brian Buscher is hitting .314 with four home runs and 38 RBI this year in just 153 at bats. Those are very nice numbers, but they don’t even come close to his stats in the most important metric of all: PWWWH (Performance When We Watch Him). Yes, Busch Heavy — a nickname Local Quipster would like to see catch on, and not unfitting considering the young third baseman’s 6-foot, 220-pound frame — is one of those players who always seems to do well when we are watching him. We’re guessing we watch one of every three Twins games. We’re also guessing that in those games, Buscher is hitting around .450 with at least three of his home runs and a good number of those RBI. Last night, of course, he got the Twins going with a two-run homer (on an 0-2 pitch) in the second inning that we watched from the comfort of a treadmill. He finished 3-for-4 with five RBI, though we have to admit we didn’t see every hit.

Even as he and Adam Everett awkwardly decide who is going to lead this dance (photo), we can’t help but put Buscher firmly into that PWWWH category. It’s a measurement that works both ways, of course. Jacque Jones, for instance, had what most people would consider an above average Twins career. He hit for power; he sometimes hit for average; he threw the best 12-hoppers any right fielder could throw. But whenever we would watch him, Jones always seemed to fail. Now you — and by you, we mean Brandon — might be thinking, “Over the course of time, when you watch enough games, things must even out. These players aren’t really that bad or that good simply when you are watching. It’s not logical, and baseball is based on logic.” And you’re probably right. But we’re also willing to bet that it doesn’t really matter because once you have that perception, it takes a long time to shake your reality. So whenever we see Buscher, we expect a hit; whenever we saw Jones, we expected a flailing strikeout or pop out. We’ve started chiseling Busch Heavy’s bust for Cooperstown, while we would treat every Jones hit like an implausible affront to his terrible-ness.

We’re also willing to bet there are players in various sports who fall into the PWWWH threshold for you (everyone except Brandon) as well, either in a positive or negative way. We’d be curious to hear who those players are …

Fasola-link! City builds rubber sidewalk to ward off keg damage — and it’s not in Wisconsin!

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