Commenter Of the Week: Deacon and offspring fan rules
Posted on September 3rd, 2008 – 11:40 AMBy Michael Rand
With the RNC here, we have taken a decidedly un-democratic approach to the COW award and just given it to Deacon for his fine work last week (you all know what we’re talking about). Besides, it was time to get some fresh blood in here. Miniature American flags for all! Deacon’s delicious words are right here (any italicizing is his doing):
First off, let me just say how honored I am to be here. Since I have never done this before, please bear with me. Without further ado, I respectfully submit my COW:
Since it was comments on the LPGA’s stance on English that spawned this post, I thought perhaps discussing the bachelor party I attended in Montreal this Labo(u)r Day weekend may be appropriate. But then I figured that analyzing the Francophone culture of the Quebec province — and the awkward conversations it can “theoretically” lead to with Canadian Entertainers of the Erotic Performing Arts — may not be entirely appropriate for a family website. So, still keeping with the “family” idea …
Living in Manhattan for the past five years, I have remained a die-hard Minnesota sports fan, despite attending several Twins games at Yankee Stadium. My wife (Deaconette?) and I recently had a baby (Deaconlite?), and I immediately had grand visions of watching Minnesota sports with him in my lap; cheering on Purple Jesus (he had a #28 jersey at one-week old); him asking, “if A.P. is called ‘Purple Jesus,’ shouldn’t Joe Mauer be called ‘God’?” And so forth.
However, there seem to be two obstacles in my plans for Forced Fandom: (i) Deaconette is a New Yorker, likes NY teams and puts Deaconlite in Jeter shirts when I’m at work. (Note: she is really hot, I am a weak man); (ii) technically, Deaconlite is a New Yorker [tear] …
Back when he wrote, Simmons gave us his Fan Rules, but seemingly forgot about rules for one’s offspring, like:
*Can parents force Legacy Fandom on children?
*Isn’t shielding Deaconlite from the hideousness of being a NY sports fan my duty as a parent human?
*Should I rob him of the chance to root for local teams; attend live games of his favorite squad; know his baseball team might sign a good free agent; win a Super Bowl?
*And if he eventually decides he likes the local teams, can I legally stop talking to him?
Parenting advice at RandBall. Hmmmm.
24 Responses to "Commenter Of the Week: Deacon and offspring fan rules"
I’m not comfortable with the idea of blog commenters being allowed to procreate.
And if he eventually decides he likes the local teams, can I legally stop talking to him?
This seems only right.
Wait until he’s about five years old, and see if he’s still showing NY-fan tendencies. If he is, then sit him down and explain that, while he may be free to choose any team to cheer for and that this is his choice, so too is it your choice and freedom to murder his favorite stuffed animal while he sleeps.
This will introduce several important life concepts:
- “Always do the right thing.”
- “Freedom has its own inherent limits.”
- “Life sucks; get used to it.”
Wait, this post isn’t about The Offspring band at all! How ruuude!
Oh my gosh, was that just a Full House quote… NERD!!!
Wait, this post isn’t about The Offspring band at all! How ruuude!
The use of “how ruuude” made me throw up in my mouth a little.
Seriously though, if you stay in NY your kid will be doomed. You may set him on the right path early on, but soon his friends will convince him to “just go to one Yankee game, we’re all doing it” and eventually he’ll be listening to Ranger’s games in the bathroom with the door locked and having his friends over to watch the Giants when you and the wife are out of town!
The other part I struggle with, is that while I love Minnesota sports, being a Minnesota Sports Fan has never been really all that great. I seem to remember much more disappointment and heartbreak in my history as a fan (save for two glorious Twins seasons) than I do feelings of euphoria. I had no choice in this matter growing up in Minnesota, but is forcing this burden on one’s child when the teams are out-of-area cruel and unusual punishment?
I guess if he talks back in a couple years, it’ll be re-runs of the 1998 NFC Championship game and no dinner again…
Y’all know I’m from Cleveland, right? My kids want to wear their Joe Mauer jerseys every day. C-Dog (he’s 4) always wants to be the Twins in teeball. A-Dog claims to BE Joe Mauer when he wears the jersey (you can tell the difference because A-Dog is two, bats right, and has red hair).
So, bottom line is, you can offer legacy fandom, but you can’t make the kid not root for the home town team. Forcing New York legacy fandom may actually consitute child abuse under Minnesota law, but you should consult with an actual attorney about that.
You do realize that not all things in NY are gravy. Granted the Knicks can’t be that bad forever but the Jets can.
The thing about sports is that you are going to be disappointed 95% of the time but that other 5% when your team overachieves or happens to win a title are what you live for. Over the last 8 years how many more titles do NY teams have than MN teams? 1 measley title. Even NY fans face heartbreak more often than not.
I’d be a Celtic and Yankee fan right now if my Dad forced me to like his teams. My friends would hate me even more than they do now if that was the case. Let him choose his teams, it will lead to great debate, plus you can always use that worthless small market excuse.
“Wait, this post isn’t about The Offspring band at all! How ruuude!”
I hope that’s a Full House reference. And if so, well played.
Is it possible to be fans of two teams if they are in different leagues, say the Twins and the Mets? If this is allowed you could pretend to care about the Mets to keep the youngin’ from liking the Yankees. This would be much easier if you had not married a Yankee fan.
Excellent point Merx, I was just thinking that. I think you push him toward the Mets; in that case, the World Series is the first conflict of interest, and then the kid wins no matter what.
Additionally, you’ll need to get the MLB Extra Innings package… Put enough of a team’s games in front of a kid and that kid becomes a fan (see “Homey, StraightCash: WGN and the Chicago Cubs”).
I like the Mets suggestion. Plus, by the time Deaconlite starts to know players on the team, I’ll at least get to see more live Liriano in prime! (only kidding - post 2010, Twins better be keeping ALL their Fan Favorites).
(Somewhat related side note: I have enjoyed nothing more than asking Yankee fans in the office, “wait, would Santana’s 2.5 ERA be good for the Yankees right about now? I mean, if Hughes wasn’t hurt and Kennedy and Cabrera weren’t in Triple-A of course.”)
*in HIS prime
“I have enjoyed nothing more than asking Yankee fans in the office, “wait, would Santana’s 2.5 ERA be good for the Yankees right about now? I mean, if Hughes wasn’t hurt and Kennedy and Cabrera weren’t in Triple-A of course.”
Steinbrenner might never live that one down.
If we had gotten Cabrera would Span have ever made it up this year? I think it’s safe to say that Denard is a better ballplayer (I know, I know, small sample size).
Has a commenter had a baby since RandBall started? Is this a coincidence?
Dave MN: I agree with you, Steiny Jr will not live it down. Last year of Yankee Stadium and no play-offs, I’m sure wrists and throats will be slit in NYC …….and B just cause you might not be able to, doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t ;P
Has a commenter had a baby since RandBall started?
Joker’s attorney would like it noted that any speculation is irresponsible, slanderous, and prosecutable under full penalty of the law.
I agree that Steinbrenner may never live this one down, particularly if (when?) he’s watching the Mets play in October from his home in Florida. If 13 consecutive post-season berths end while the cross-town team is in the playoffs with the ace you could have had for three injured/minor league/underachieving players leading the way…well, you don’t easily forget a thing like that.
Playing the giant What-If game, I think Span still would have made it up (assuming that Cuddyer still got hurt). With Cabrera instead, there is no Gomez. So, the outfield would have likely looked like Young, Cabrera, Span (with Kubel potentially taking PT from Span and maybe even blocking his arrival for some time).
In any event, given how Cabrera has played this year, I think the Twins would have had to have given Span a shot at some point…
The bigger question would be which pitchers would have been stuck in the minors, if the Twins were eager to get Hughes/Kennedy into the rotation…
All things considered, I like how the trade has worked out for the Twins (if you accept Santana had to be traded).
That said, I’m pretty sure Swamptown procreated.
Mandate your own fandom, if he rebels, well, as my father always said “I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it.”
The boy was born about 3 months ago. The wife returned to work yesterday, so I took the week off. Just checking in as the goofballs nap. Wathcing a 5 year old, 3 year old, and 3 month old all day is like playing middle linebacker for Dick Vermeil. You have to keep your head on a swivel, make quick adjustments and tolerate lots of crying.
Ladies and gentlemen, your COW, Clarence Swamptown.
Written like a true New Yorker like many I’ve known of that persuasion since I’ve put in my time there as well, but how do you deal with …the people !, not individually but as a mass that, like Palin’s daughter, apparently leaves birth control in the medicine cabinet quite regularly. What suffocating numbers!.. No Mn is that. But then again you probably lived in a better place than I..me on the trashy side of Columbia Med school, but I wander now since what I want most tagged onto your fine COW is a fine pic of Deaconette !! Instead you post a T-shirt…fine enuf, but what inquiring minds want most is yet another pic instead..
