With the RNC here, we have taken a decidedly un-democratic approach to the COW award and just given it to Deacon for his fine work last week (you all know what we’re talking about). Besides, it was time to get some fresh blood in here. Miniature American flags for all! Deacon’s delicious words are right here (any italicizing is his doing):

First off, let me just say how honored I am to be here. Since I have never done this before, please bear with me. Without further ado, I respectfully submit my COW:

Since it was comments on the LPGA’s stance on English that spawned this post, I thought perhaps discussing the bachelor party I attended in Montreal this Labo(u)r Day weekend may be appropriate. But then I figured that analyzing the Francophone culture of the Quebec province — and the awkward conversations it can “theoretically” lead to with Canadian Entertainers of the Erotic Performing Arts — may not be entirely appropriate for a family website. So, still keeping with the “family” idea …

Living in Manhattan for the past five years, I have remained a die-hard Minnesota sports fan, despite attending several Twins games at Yankee Stadium. My wife (Deaconette?) and I recently had a baby (Deaconlite?), and I immediately had grand visions of watching Minnesota sports with him in my lap; cheering on Purple Jesus (he had a #28 jersey at one-week old); him asking, “if A.P. is called ‘Purple Jesus,’ shouldn’t Joe Mauer be called ‘God’?” And so forth.

However, there seem to be two obstacles in my plans for Forced Fandom: (i) Deaconette is a New Yorker, likes NY teams and puts Deaconlite in Jeter shirts when I’m at work. (Note: she is really hot, I am a weak man); (ii) technically, Deaconlite is a New Yorker [tear] …

Back when he wrote, Simmons gave us his Fan Rules, but seemingly forgot about rules for one’s offspring, like:

*Can parents force Legacy Fandom on children?
*Isn’t shielding Deaconlite from the hideousness of being a NY sports fan my duty as a parent human?
*Should I rob him of the chance to root for local teams; attend live games of his favorite squad; know his baseball team might sign a good free agent; win a Super Bowl?
*And if he eventually decides he likes the local teams, can I legally stop talking to him?

Parenting advice at RandBall. Hmmmm.

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