They Were Who We Thought They Were … Or Were They?

By RandBall’s Stu

(TWWWTTWOWT’s goal is to analyze past Minnesota sporting figures to see if they were, in fact, who we thought they were. They will be graded on a scale of Absolute Dennys, with a 1 being We Let ‘Em Off the Hook, and a 10 being Crown ‘Em.)

Today’s Subject: Wally Szczerbiak

Who We Think They Were: fantastic perimeter shooter. Defensive liability. Couldn’t create his own shot. Occasionally dribbled the ball as if it had been fashioned from razors and the Hantavirus. Hated by Kevin Garnett with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. Handsome.

Were They Really: his career 3-point percentage is still better than 40%, which is in the Top 20 all-time, and his overall field goal percentage pushes 50%. Not shabby. This excellent Slam Online article by John Krolik discusses Wally’s attempts at those other pesky aspects of the game with the Cavaliers last season:

Wally needs other people to create shots for him, so naturally (Cavs coach Mike Brown) decided to make Wally the leader of the 2nd unit for Cleveland, which features absolutely nobody who can draw defensive attention, and let Wally attempt to create offense. This led to Wally firing 21-foot turnaround jumpers and rushed 18-foot catch-and-shoots off of down-screens, all of which was bad. Also, at some point last season, Mike Brown uttered the phrase “Let’s get Wally Szczerbiak down on the block.” That worked out exactly how you’d think it would.

In a statistic I just created, Szczerbiak is also the active NBA leader in attempting to drive the lane, only to bounce the ball off his foot and give the opponent a fast break scoring opportunity.

As for the rest, Google seems to indicate that you can’t write an article or blog post about Wally Szczberiak without including the phrase “defensive liability,” and the most intimate aspect of the KG/Wally relationship appears to have been between Wally’s mug and Kevin’s fist.

Most importantly, was he handsome? As a virile, burly man’s man, I have no problem recognizing another man’s physical beauty, but I figured it was best to turn this question over to the Comely Missus Stu. Her response: “No, I don’t think so. Did he have like these crazy eyebrows and sideburns bigger than Joe Mauer’s? What’s this about? Am I going to be quoted?” Yes, you are, dear. Yes, you are.

The Grade: Wally Szczerbiak gets 7 Dennys. The man can shoot, but he’s always needed a little help to get that shot off. Other aspects of the game continue to be a work area for him. He and the Ticket don’t exchange text messages about last night’s Gossip Girl. Not as handsome as you remember.

Bonus YouTube Laffs: Bruce Bowen, Wally’s face. Wally’s face, Bruce Bowen.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 10th, 2008 at 1:52 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.