The origins of baseball have long been a mystery condensed into a convenient story about how Abner Doubleday, an American, invented it. Evidence suggests that is not how it really happened; however, new evidence from England is almost as disturbing — if not more so — than any lie once told about the game. An AP story traces the game back to the 1700s in England and a lawyer named William Bray. Here is an excerpt from his diary:

“Easter Monday 31 March 1755

“Went to Stoke Ch. This morning. After Dinner Went to Miss Jeale’s to play at Base Ball with her, the 3 Miss Whiteheads, Miss Billinghurst, Miss Molly Flutter, Mr. Chandler, Mr. Ford & H. Parsons & Jelly. Drank Tea and stayed till 8.”

That sounds like something from a bad British movie (you know, the kind where there’s a dance, a forced marriage proposal, social class tension, a carriage ride, forbidden love, etc.). Sorry, that’s not baseball.

To take our minds off this terrible thing, and to honor Joel and Ethan Coen, charter members of the One of Us club, we give you movie quotes from Coen Bros. movies (the new one, Burn After Reading, comes out today and looks fantastic). Here we go:

1. The world is full o’ complainers. An’ the fact is, nothin’ comes with a guarantee. Now I don’t care if you’re the pope of Rome, President of the United States or Man of the Year; somethin’ can all go wrong.

2. Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We’re all, we’re all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.

3. I want to go somewhere where I can get a shot and a steak, maybe, not more [redacted] pancakes, c’mon.

4. He told them to look not at the facts, but at the meaning of the facts. Then he said the facts had no meaning.

5. If it’s all the same to you, Honey, I think I’ll skip this little get together, slip out with the boys and knock back a couple of Coca Colas.

6. Here last week they found this couple out in California. They rent out rooms for old people, kill’em, bury’em in the yard, cash their social security checks. Well, they’d tortur’em first, I don’t know why. Maybe the television set was broke.

7. Deceitful, two-faced she-woman. Never trust a female. Delmar, remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent.

8. So you propose, that in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear.

9. This is a face only a mother could love. On pay day.

10. What Ted Oakam doesn’t know you could almost squeeze into the Hollywood Bowl.

Fasola-link! A 43-page academic treatise on why NFL teams should go for it on fourth down.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 12th, 2008 at 7:42 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.