Commenter Of the Week: Clarence Swamptown’s Pizza
Posted on September 15th, 2008 – 2:09 PMBy Michael Rand
Clarence Swamptown ran uncontested in last week’s COW voting. The result? Right about now.
Looks like Friday’s no-bid COW contract caused some controversy. I was totally planning on voting for Deacon’s “Yale4Life” comment (that was great), even though the last time I fell for a guy posing as a female student on the internet I ended up on television.
Let’s try a second installment of what I am going to call “The Best Of: Places Not Trendy Or Kitschy Enough For Mpls-St. Paul Magazine To Visit, But Whatever, And Forget Mpls-St. Paul Magazine Anyways.” (TBOPNTOKEFMSPMTVBWAFMSPMA?). Last time we focused on regional bars. In honor of fasolamatt, let’s discuss pizza:
1. Reno’s — Rosemount, Minn. As the ancient Romans would say: “Prima dominos spe dominos amoris” (a man compares all future pizzas to his first pizza love). This was my first pizza love. It’s greasier than Visanthe’s fingers. If that bothers you, just sop it up with your purse, princess.
2. Duane’s - Fargo, ND. Get the large, double-crust pepperoni with extra sauce and you will not be disappointed. We should quickly discuss the squares vs. slices debate. I’m dovish on this issue. I prefer slices but, hey, there ain’t no good guy and there ain’t no bad guy, there’s only squares and slices, and we just disagree. If you must follow a fascist Slice Doctrine, just ask the server to have it cut that way. You can criticize a pizza because it has crappy ingredients. Don’t avoid or disparage a place simply because of the way it cuts its pizza (Posnanski, I’m looking at you).
3. Dave’s - Bemidji, Minn. Another corner joint with great pizza. It was here that I saw my first video game embedded into a table so you can eat your pizza and play at the same time, one of the most underrated technological advances of the 20th century.
Honorable mention: Ole Piper, Lakeville, Minn. Pheasant Inn, Siren, Wis. The 10 Spot, Royalton, Minn.
Your TBOPNTOKEFMSPMTVBWAFMSPMA pizza suggestions are appreciated.
[Proprietor vote: Rafferty’s in Nisswa, Brainerd and Crosslake].
42 Responses to "Commenter Of the Week: Clarence Swamptown’s Pizza"
I’m shocked that Fat Lorenzo’s didn’t even make Honorable Mention.
Joker-
While I do enjoy Fat Lorenzo’s, it is inside the 494/684 loop and has been listed within Mpls-St. Paul Magazine’s “Best Of”. Therefore it is not eligible.
The Music Bar, Olivia, Minnesota. Greasy as hell, thin crust, just enough cheese. The bar itself was dank, kinda sketchy and filled with stuffed jackalopes. I don’t think it exists any longer, which is a damnable circumstance.
House of Pizza, St. Cloud, Minnesota. Probably the best of a weak field in the Granite City. (jama–care to digress?) I saw Dick Bremer there once (GO HUSKIES! WOOO!) in a satin Twins warm-up jacket. He’s roughly seven feet tall with pompadour.
“TBOPNTOKEFMSPMTVBWAFMSPMA”
Catchy.
My first pizza love was G. Dubb’s in Glencoe. Thin crust, tons of cheese. My friends swear by pickle/pepperoni, but I won’t touch it. Some things don’t belong on a pizza, like pickles or pineapple.
Isn’t Waldo’s in St. Cloud pretty good? Maybe not, since the downtown one closed. I also think fondly back on Benson’s in Walker, but maybe everything just tastes better when you’re up north for the weekend.
Detello’s in Eden Prairie. Excellent.
I remember as a kid going to J’s Pizza Garden in Hutchinson. Does anyone still know if it’s there?
I gots a totinoes party pizza for my birthday/prom night/first romantic evening. Reel romantic cause I knew my cousin so good, we was not even nervy.
Stu: Detello’s pizza resembles your description of the pizza at The Music Bar
Rocco’s in Winona. It’s served at the Winona Athletic Club, which is pretty much a VFW, so there’s no airs about it, just tasty pizza.
Pagliai’s in Mankato — had some of the cheesiest pizza in my life there.
RE: Waldo’s. I believe it’s located out in Waite Park in a convenience store now. It was good for a Chicago-style slice, if that was your thing.
RE: J’s Pizza. I don’t think so, David. Hutchinson being Renville County’s idea of “the big city,” I went there quite a few times myself as a child. It was tasty, and deserves mention.
I grew up with Pizza Ranch. It’s by no means a one-location place (if you grew up in a small town anywhere in the Midwest, chances are you’ve been to a Pizza Ranch), but it’s certainly not a city thing either. (Closest one that I know of is in Delano, MN, and yes, I’m thinking of driving there right now.)
Mmmm… incredibly greasy noon pizza buffet… I’m almost falling asleep in fifth-hour study hall just thinking about it.
Can you win a COW for text written as a COW winner? Because
As the ancient Romans would say: “Prima dominos spe dominos amoris” (a man compares all future pizzas to his first pizza love).
is simply awesome.
I haven’t tried the Pheasant Inn yet, and will be spending the weekend in Siren. Thank you for augmenting my meager weekend at the lake with the parents agenda.
Dave - I haven’t thought about J’s in years. I think it’s something else now.
An aside:
My favorite part of the post writing process is trying to guess what items are too touchy and will be edited out from the original. Add that to the fact that my sentence writing sucks and I don’t know how to hyperlink, bold, italicize or strikethrough anything, and I make the Proprietor do entirely too much work. Sorry Mr. Rand.
fasola-
One warning - I have never been to the Pheasant Inn without spending most of the night at Tom’s Bar first. Everyone knows that pizza tastes better when buzzed. Please let me know what you think of the place.
Coops in Hayward..pizza. Used to be so damn good it needed 2 pieces of wax paper to damn up the overflowing grease….Honestly, the best I ever had…Until, and they always do this, they combined it as a “family restaurant”, I heard to give the lil’ Coops jobs. Screw ‘em
I always enjoyed Pizza Factory in Monticello, however, I would not recomend eating in the resturaunt. And don’t get it delivered either that can take hours, no the only way to enjoy this fine pizza is via carry-out.
Loads of cheese, thin crust, but cut into squares. I here the works is amazing but I don’t enjoy veggies on a pizza (or at all) so I have never tried it.
This is all I could find when looking for J’s Pizza in Hutchinson
Now the “Main Street Sports Bar & Grill”
How distinctive…
Jon:
Pizza Ranch is the only buffet I know of where you can have your selection of 8 or so pizzas on top of having corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, and fried chicken.
That said, I was never extremely impressed with the quality.
I here the works is amazing but I don’t enjoy veggies on a pizza (or at all) so I have never tried it.
Ah, so you’re a meatatarian. It’s a commitment.
/ashamed at quoting that awful commercial
Blue Bricks and TJ’s in Mankato.
Benson’s in Walker.
So very, very hungry now.
@ StraightCashHomey-
Thanks for mentioning Pagliai’s. I knew I was forgetting someplace in ‘Kato. Used to have it delivered all the time when I worked on campus.
Main Street Sports Bar & Grill
You’ll be glad to know that the owner is from Hector.
Everyone knows that pizza tastes better when buzzed.
Which is reason number 1 to include Gary’s in St. Joe on this list — as well as reason number 1 to leave it off said list. I’ve enjoyed Gary’s Pizza so many times post-bar that the occasional sober “Wait, that wasn’t nearly as good as I remember” situations can be written off as flukes. Ahh…Gary’s.
Stu
Back in the college days the hardest decision after the bars was deciding whether to order Dimaggio’s or Gary’s Pizza. Gary’s Pizza was better but Dimaggio’s had the better cheese bread. Waldo’s downtown was alright and the House of Pizza was good but spendy compared to the other two I mentioned.
The Gary’s that I used to live next to has now been turned into a Knockers Pizza.(There “mascot” was a guy knocking on a door but who were they trying to kid?) There is a 92% chance that Joker is the owner of this establishment.
Mr. Shoes we’re on the same page, you just happen to be sober so you can type faster. I blame Budweiser for this.
That said, I was never extremely impressed with the quality.
Dave - Pizza Ranch is not, and has never been, about delivering quality. These are slanderous lies being spread by the opposition, and Pizza Ranch will not tolerate them.
@jama-
Since no one answered you in the last post- you’re up on Sten by 17. He’s got Romo and Westbrook tonight, you have Crayton.
DAVE’S! My sister had her rehearsal dinner at Dave’s in Ber-mid-gji. Its deliciousness in a box.
jama: not only sober, but at work.
Off Topic: Should be on last thread:
When did George Steinbrenner buy the Brewers? Who fires their manager when they are tied for the wildcard with 12 games left in the season.
/Al Davis disapproves
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/baseball/mlb/09/15/yost.fired.ap/index.html
Thanks Hootie
And Shoes, now I can’t be drinking at work? What are you the fun police?
I never said you couldn’t be, jama. I just said I am not. We have beer parties at work every once in a while. I’m all for it!
How about Pizza Luce in Duluth? Might not be the greatest pizza in the world, but who can tell when you [redacted] faced at 1:30 (am or pm…you pick)?
you = you’re
Mr. Shoes couldn’t be more right about the appeal of Gary’s. For those wondering, the Gary’s special (large 1-topping, cheese bread and a 2-liter bottle of soda) still exists, but is now almost $15.
Stu
Is the Dimaggio’s special still available? It was the same as the Gary’s minus the pop? I think it only ran about $12 or $13. That was at least a drink or two difference at the bar.
The draw of both Gary’s and Dimaggio’s was also that they would deliver until like 3 in the morning. You won’t see Pizza Hut or Papa John’s doing that.
Dulono’s in Uptown-area. Not the usual “uptown” clientele, they are open till 3am, it is a cop hangout which freaked my friends out when we first got there and all we saw was cop cars. There is even a table reserved for cops only.
The live bluegrass on friday and saturday is an experience to say the least.
And the servers are always sarcastic, which is part of the charm.
I’ve tried real hard now, but I can’t come up with anything that doesn’t taste better when buzzed…..
saunders: amen. Dulono’s is delicious.
The Bar, in LeSueur, MN. Good pizza, pretty good full menu, cheap beer.
There’s a Pizza Ranch in LS too–used to be a Hardees.
