The Monday Meltdown with Drew Magary
Posted on September 15th, 2008 – 8:22 AMBy Michael Rand
After every Vikings home game, we trade e-mails with Drew Magary (formerly Big Daddy Drew, sort of a Chad Ocho Cinco in reverse) of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber semi-fame. Drew is a Vikings fan living in the Washington D.C. area, which is a terrible thing on so many levels. Sunday’s game with the Colts is perhaps one of the greatest arguments for why the Meltdown was started. Drew also has a book out, which you can purchase right here; he has said he will come read it to you at your house in exchange for a six pack and a nice back rub. Let’s do this:
RandBall: Here’s the thing: Every offensive play seems designed to protect the quarterback from himself. At this point, to me, it’s not about throws he’s missing (which there were yesterday) or making (which there also were) but about that exact idea. If in the third year of your development as a quarterback, you still can’t be trusted to throw a tight pass on 3rd-and-5 or reasonably expected to lead a late drive, then there’s really no point in you being out there. If you have the ability and you are being held back by overprotective or unimaginative playcalling, then there needs to be a philosophical change. Essentially, either turn Jackson loose, or cut him loose. The in-between garbage is a sure way to lose. That said, I ask you: how short do you think the leash will be with Jackson (and, in turn, with Childress?)
Drew Magary: Agree 100%. That is a freaking Big Ten offense out there. It’s not a pro offense. They are absolutely TERRIFIED to pass, and when they do, they are the most basic pass plays you can get: counter passes and quick slants (which T-Jack had lousy accuracy on). It’s a joke; 30 other QB’s out there could have helped win that game with a couple of basic throws. He was off by miles in some instances. The Colts had nine in box early in the game, and they threw a swing pass to Purple Jesus. Are you joking? They can’t exploit obvious passing situations, and it’s painful to see. You can’t hide your quarterback. What’s the point? He needs to be benched. I’m all for patience with QBs, and I kind of admire Childress’ stubbornness in sticking with Jackson. But this has gotten way out of hand. At some point, Childress will bench Jackson out of self-preservation, but I wonder how long it’ll take him to get to that point. It needs to be soon. Like, NOW.
RB: That said, Part II: Fans booing Jackson loudly in the fourth quarter with the Vikings leading. Probably not the right time, and probably not warranted.
DM: Whatever. He’s a pro. If that bothers him, he can go have a romantic dinner with Vince Young. That crowd knew exactly what was going on out there. They knew this was a rare chance — to beat the Colts when half of Manning’s support system was gone — and they knew the team had absolutely zero passing game to work with, and that it was going to cost them by the time the game was over. They were right to be annoyed, and Dan Dierdorf can cram it if he thinks that’s so mean.
RB: The worst part: The game followed such a sickeningly familiar script. Early dominance undone by missed opportunities to cash in more. As soon as Longwell missed that field goal that would have made it 18-7, I knew exactly how the rest of the game was going to unfold, from the quick TD to the 2-point conversion, to the false hope of a defensive stop, to the next false hope of a 3rd-and-long, to the game-winning field goal. Those are the unfortunate privileges that come with having watched 20+ years worth of Vikings games.
DM: Yep. It was beyond obvious. The pass rush can only hold up so long when the offense can’t sustain any drives. You knew the second Chester got the ball on 3rd and 5 that it was a done deal. It makes me want to … BRRAAAAHHHHHH
RB: Disappointing: the pass rush in the last 1.5 quarters. They were humming (as was the whole defense). When the Colts got into must-throw mode, I expected Allen and Co. to pin their ears back even more and get even better. Instead, the Colts adjusted and the Vikings didn’t.
DM: Yeah, but defenses eventually wear out if the offense can’t do simple things like score off of turnovers, or put together at least a long series to give them a break.
RB: Adrian Peterson: He can’t be much better. Stop [redacted] wasting him!
DM: Yeah, but he’s all we’ve got.
RB: Visanthe Shiancoe: If Chad Johnson can legally change his name to Ocho Cinco, could Visanthe change his last name to “One Drop” just to make it easier on everyone? I mean, I know Shiancoe has become synonymous with “one drop” (per game) anyway, but it’s just a thought.
DM: Yeah, but then Reebok would want 10 cents back from all the Shiancoe jerseys they made.
RB: Bright sides obscured by the finish: Offensive line played pretty well overall; the drive at the end of the first half to get 3 points was unexpected and welcome; Chester Taylor returning kickoffs.
DM: It means nothing when the heart of the operation is so junior varsity. I also liked the drive at the end of the half, but completing two passes in a row shouldn’t have to feel like a freaking miracle. Teams not only openly disrespect our passing game, they even tell us in advance that they plan on sneaking out in the middle of the night and never calling again.
RB: Difference between Vikings 2007 vs. Vikings 2008: somewhat upgraded pass rush. That’s it.
DM: Yes, but I’m drunker now, so that must count for something.
RB: You might not know this if you only studied the Vikings’ passing game: there are pass plays aside from slants, rollouts and bombs, and there are throws designed to go somewhere between 6 and 40 yards. You can look it up! It’s a fact.
DM: You can also throw screen passes out into open spaces, as opposed to designing them so that they look like inadvertent shovel passes.
RB: Things I wish I liked: home improvement tasks; a non-spirit-crushing NFL football team; gardening; a martial art; anything to keep me otherwise occupied at noon on Sundays. Any suggestions?
DM: Nope. I just watched Jay Cutler develop into a fine young passer against the Chargers. Now I have to go cry my eyes out.
43 Responses to "The Monday Meltdown with Drew Magary"
Hey, at least my 401(k) is doing great. Let me just check how Merrill Lynch, Lehman Bros and AIG are doing…
/hangs self
Brooks was here
So was Stu
RB: Adrian Peterson: He can’t be much better. Stop [redacted] wasting him!
RB I said it yesterday at breakfast - the biggest challenge the Vikings have is that they always have ONE star player and NO team. I almost drove my car off hwy 29 when the pack started losing to the lions - but we made it back, because our defense can apparently play offense too. Teamwork. 
Watching the Vikings is akin to watching the Titanic take a slow decent, year after year. I keep hoping this year will be difference. The only difference from year to year is how long it takes me to start nipping from the bottle at work to deal with the heartbrake.
This is not a T-Jack apology. But could someone, anyone, step up to be his go-to guy? Bernard or Sidney, feel free to make a big catch every once in a while. Nothing helps a below-average quarterback more than a guy who can make a catch he is not supposed to make. Perhaps I was just spoiled with Carter and Moss for so many years…
Complaining about Berrian? I never would have guessed. Oh wait, I told you so. He is a marginally better Troy Williamson, that I was actually happy to see leave Chitown.
I know the Vikings D line is full of pro bowlers but how often do they blitz their LB’s? I guess I didn’t play that close attention but that is part of the reason the Bears beat the Colts. With an inexperienced O-Line you have to show them different looks, did the Vikings do that?
If it makes you feel better the Bears TE cost them the game too.
Jeff Garcia. Make it happen, Vikings.
swarmswarmswarm: I wish you weren’t so right. At least you took my “94 East” chant to heart (insert smiley face here).
I would like to call out Yahoo Sports and tell them that I hate them for continually informing me that Darren McFadden hurt his shoulder last week and the extent of the injury is unclear. [redacted] Yahoo Sports.
since I have the love of difference in my post, it is obvious that I have already been nipping. Thompsons has come out with a new woodgrain alcohol with a hint of mint..delicious.
Warning: Fantasy Complaint Follows
Nothing better than losing by 2 points when you have 3 WR’s on your bench that all go for more than 20 points.
Marshall
Bolden
Calvin Johnson
Braylon Edwards can go fly a kite. I manage Fantasy Football teams as well as Childress does an Offense.
Dear Brad Childress,
- Daunte Culpepper
- Chris Simms
- Jeff Garcia
- Fran Tarkenton
- Ian “Lemmy” Kilmister
- Johnny Unitas
- Jonny Quest
Any of the above are better than your current quarterback, even though at least one is fictional and at least one is dead. Please pick one from the list.
Sincerely,
- Everybody who has not gouged out his own eyes after watching your current quarterback
How much would you trade to get Jeff Garcia and his hot wife?
Jon,
You left out Captain Planet as an option.
Sincerely,
Dave MN
jama: I don’t know what the Vikings should trade for Garcia. I’m holding out hope that the Bucs just release him when they find out that no one wants him except the Vikings…
The 49ers didn’t want Garcia, which was kind of surprising, considering that J.T. O’Sullivan is their starter.
OK, if we’re all this upset about the game, then I have to imagine that AV is like the fall of Saigon crossed with Antietam.
Memo to Dierdorf: Vikings fans are very aware of horrible third-down (and otherwise) play-calling and thus are not booing only Jackson when he throws a third-and-7 pass three yards short of the first down. This is also easier to note when they boo a running play on third-and-5. Also, you are a [redacted].
Poor Peterson …to be that great on a team like this. Everyone has been on a team that has sucked, but the differential between himself and this mockery of a team may be unequaled in the world of sport…Poor Peterson on a team that wants to win on Phat bottomed D alone and can’t even do that…
Personally I’m getting sick of Run, Run, 40 yard bomb, punt. But I’m not going to boo him. What is that going to do for his confidence? He already has so little, it’s just going to take away what’s left.
It makes me want to … BRRAAAAHHHHHH
Brah. Brah. No need to yell, brah. I’m right here.
Run, Run, 40 yard bomb, punttouchdown.
Who says real NFL games aren’t like playing Madden?
Joker
How do you boo the coach without offending the players? Is that possible?
I guess they could start the bring back Denny/Tice chant.
Easily. You get the Dome to have a “Dozen Eggs Day” next week. While you boo, you throw the eggs at Childress. Done and Done.
How long before Minneapolis is just called Targettown?
I really prefered “LOL Field”
The best of Access Vikings so far today:
-” It’s about damn time. I have a great idea for next years state fair. My booth will sell “Childress’s head on a stick”. When we run out, we will unveil the “Tarvaris’s head on a stick”.”
-” If TarLoser can’t throw a five yard pass why are they calling plays for a thiry yard pass. Please Brad Childress, leave. You suck. Thank you for brining your “explosive offense” to Minnesota. Idiot… Daunte and Tice are sitting around laughing and Randy Moss looks like a genius for leaving. It is only a matter of time before AP will ask to be traded to actually have a chance to win a game.”
- “I’ve asked the local press for 2 yrs now to boycott BC’s press conferences…..let him know ,for real, that NOBODY cares about what he has to say!”
- “”””FIRE THE COACH””””””NOW
- “this team is a bunch of jokers,we got cedric the entertainer on defense,and our team is owned by ziggy borat..and whats up with our clown quarterback wearing a gold necklace?anyone else find that that to be unacceptable game attire? ”
- “should i bomb t-jokes myspace with negative comments,or just let it go? ”
- “that’s it, Brad, name TJ your next week starter right away….wouldn’t want to put any pressure on him, or hurt his feelings….hell no, he’s doin’ just fine…..take away that one drop, and we win the ballgame….yadda yadda yadda… FIRE CHILDRESS NOWW!!!!!!! “
jama: I was holding out for “Puckett Park”. It would have been nice after getting all of the taxpayer help if the Pohlads had decided that they didn’t need to sell the naming rights.
“”””FIRE THE COACH””””””NOW
Well, this just made my morning. 
Thanks for taking the bullet for all of us, Jon.
and whats up with our clown quarterback wearing a gold necklace?anyone else find that that to be unacceptable game attire?
Really? That’s what concerns them most about Jackson?
I find Jared Allen’s facial hair to be unacceptable game attire.
There’s nothing confidence-inspiring about Jackson’s performance. I have to say, though, One Drop’s one drop and Berrian tripping over his own feet while running toward a surprisingly well-thrown ball were killers this week. Jackson makes plenty of mistakes, so it’s not fair to pick on the only mistakes of two others, but come on guys. With a QB like Jackson, we know everyone around him needs to be closer to perfect. And we’re not getting it.
Kleinsasser! I told you to get rid of those sideburns!
/Montgomery Burns
What cracks me is how designated local apologists (sports writers) and even their national troupe of clowns make excuses for the success other teams have throwing on this hapless Purple team. The excuse goes something like this… The Viking secondary allows so many completions, week afteer week, because teams are afraid to run against them so they throw “so often?”
As usual with the Vikings and politics, this is only a partial truth with fans and writers alike simply not adding on the rest of that truth…that this ragtag collection of dbs, young and that 32 year old who never should have left G.B. are awful, awful. Why not also say so ?
Granted, the D line can stop the run, but with passing teams they have, and will continue, to suck. And I don’t want to sound “fattist” but that Phat Albert character in the middle is worth than worthless on pass plays. Sorry to pick on him, but you know what they say…”you can put lipstick on a pig …”
So, get a pass defense, Vikings, get a qb, Vikes. Until then the Pack and the Bears loom to kick you into the next Sunday. But to keep playing Sharper and other players from central casting who never had speed is as wise as not once risking one of those halfass/kiss your sister field goals to go for a td.
not once risking one of those halfass/kiss your sister field goals to go for a td.
The only way the Vikings were getting a TD yesterday was if Peterson ran it in. The Vikings knew it, and the Colts knew it, too. The Colts D gave up some big running plays but they were all in between the 20 yard lines, so they had nothing to worry about.
but why not try ….something ? If every team knows you’re going play such predictable football and consistently be a candy ass they will circle behind you (not you) for a lick, ay ?
but why not try ….something ?
Because, as we’ve all become aware, the Vikings have the least creative coach in the history of the team. The very idea of improvisation would make his head explode, leaving only a smoldering mustache…
If I were to ever field a fantasy football team, my current name of choice is
“The Smoldering Mustaches”
If there is a civilian equivalent of the Bronze Star for the heroic and meritorious achievement or service in plumbing the depths of sports blog comment sections, I nominate Jonathan Matthew Augustine Marthaler, Jr.
At the risk of sounding “FIRE CHILDRESS!!!!”y, what is the overall opinion of him outside of Minnesota? Does he get respect as a head coach? I mean, I am always hearing about Sean Peyton and Eric Mangini as doing great things even though their teams can struggle, and they were hired around the same time as Childress. It is easy for Minnesotans to criticize, but do others think, “man, that guy is so smart. I wonder why his teams struggle?”
You know where to find him.
I believe there are enough intelligent football fans to have seen enough to say, without being called a “racist”, that Jackson is a loser and always will be. Brad Childress is a complete moron, and should be fired. Wilf invested quite a bit of dough in the off season, and it’s only a matter of time before the players, especially the defense, turns on Childress and Jackson (with the exception of Griffin who continues to suck donkey #^%$#.
T-Jack……what a dildo.
I’m not saying Gus is any good, but the Queens probably win both those games without Jackson.
Please name a starting NFL QB you would rather NOT have?
Please name a starting NFL QB you would rather NOT have?
As of this season…Vince Young
How could anyone really feel safe during that game. I listened to most of it on the radio, and it’s like you just knew it was coming. The blow-up. I feel like the offense is betraying the D at this point.
So yeah, Ragnar, if you could get Jeff Garcia on line 1 for Mr. Peterson that would be great. Thanks.
