Kubel = Nightcrawler edition: Wha’ Happened?

Posted on September 24th, 2008 – 8:00 AM
By Michael Rand

kubel.JPGnightcrawler.jpgOne of the beauties of baseball is how through the ebb and flow of a long season, things often manage to get tied together neatly near the end. Example: Careful readers might recall our friend Mike, who in early April made the rash decision to declare he would buy a Jason Kubel jersey if the Twins’ batter delivered a home run in his impending at bat. Next pitch, upper deck, and the rest is history (Mike weaseled out of it a little by purchasing a T-shirt jersey, but still: great moment that forced Mike to adopt Kubel as one of his favorite Twins). The Kubel thing was a running joke for a while, but honestly we started thinking less and less about it — until Tuesday night. Kubel, of course, went yard twice (and added a triple), and we immediately thought of Mike. He was obviously thinking the same thing because when we went to check our phone after the game was over, there was one text message. We almost knew instinctively what it was; sure enough, it was from him, and all it said was, “Kubel!”

That led us to a search of Baseball Reference, one of the greatest web sites out there not only because of the information but because for as little as $3-10 or so, you can sponsor a player’s page for a year. Reading through the sponsorships is a great way to pass the time. (Many are sponsored by bloggers, actually, but sometimes you stumble upon some real unexpected gems). We decided to check the Kubel page to see if he was available. Sadly, he was not; happily, it appears he has been sponsored by someone equally smitten with the DH. It gives the young man’s name and this sentence:

Jason Kubel is my hero. Like if Nightcrawler was real and played baseball.”

We didn’t know who Nightcrawler was until a quick Wiki search produced some X-Men knowledge. Now we have a means for comparison:

A mutant of German extraction, Nightcrawler possesses superhuman agility and the ability to teleport. His physical mutations include blue skin, three-toed and -fingered feet and hands, yellow eyes, and a prehensile tail. In Nightcrawler’s earlier comic book appearances he is depicted as being a happy-go-lucky practical joker and teaser, and a fan of swashbuckling fiction.

Kubel, in the same style:

A left-handed hitter of South Dakotan extraction, Jason Kubel possesses above-average bat speed and the ability to hit the ball into the seats. His physical attributes include a shaggy beard, a surgically repaired knee, five-toed and -fingered feet and hands (we believe), patient eyes and a keen sense for drama. In Kubel’s earlier Twins’ appearances, he is depicted as a happy-go-lucky but sometimes underachieving player trying to recover from a major injury, and a fan of swasbuckling turns around the bases.

Same guy.

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