RandBall Q&A: Chuck Klosterman
Posted on September 24th, 2008 – 11:45 AMBy Michael Rand
Chuck Klosterman is a native son. And by that, we mean a North Dakotan. He graduated from the University of North Dakota in Grand Forks (where our dad teaches) in 1994, which is the same year we graduated from Grand Forks Central High. He has worked at various publications as a pop culture and music writer, but he is perhaps better known for his books. The first was called “Fargo Rock City,” and it was so true that it hurt. The fifth was just released and is his first novel. It is called “Downtown Owl.” Klosterman will be reading from said book on Thursday, Oct. 2 (that’s one week from tomorrow) at the Triple Rock. The web site indicates the night will be “full of awesomeness,” and we tend to agree. Recently, Chuck was kind enough to answer exactly eight of our questions. Here we go:
RandBall: I have intentionally avoided, up to this point, finding out any information about your new book, a novel. I can only assume it is an extension of the story you gave us all a taste of at the end of IV, yes? [Note: We were not serious].
Chuck Klosterman: Actually, the story from “IV” and this book have no relationship whatsoever. Which is probably good, because that story kind of sucked. “Downtown Owl” is about tax evasion, alcoholism, statutory rape, Tommy Kramer, and wind.
RB: What the hell happened to the USC-era Reggie Bush?
CK: I think we (or at least “I”) overlooked how much of Bush’s collegiate success was built around the fact that he could essentially run away from every outside linebacker he ever faced, which simply does not happen in the NFL. He can’t get into space. However, he will still have a nice career. He will be better that Preston Pearson and possibly as good as Joe Washington or Bobby Mitchell, which (in theory) would make him a borderline Hall of Famer. But he can’t blow people away, and — somehow — that always feels disappointing. He was absolutely the best collegiate running back I ever saw.
RB: A lot of people have strong feelings about whether MLB starters should be held to strict pitch counts. What are your thoughts, and is it surprising that so many people care passionately about a seemingly mundane topic?
CK: I feel like this argument is a manifestation of that night the Sox left Pedro in against the Yankees during the 2003 ALCS. People can’t get over that. I think Babe Ruth pitchers should be held to strict pitch counts — beyond that, everything is situation. It’s a man’s game.
RB: Your beard: best for closing ballgames for World Series Twins teams, making a deep NHL playoff run, or something else completely?
CK: My splitter could terminate a few dudes in the bottom of the ninth. My beard is a nice length for that kind of action. However, that’s only because I recently received a trimmer. Last summer, my beard was more suited for the logging industry, playing lap steel on “Layla,” or seducing a female Sasquatch.
RB: Creating clever fantasy football team names has replaced creating clever band names as an idle past-time for 20-something males. Discuss.
CK: No idea. I don’t understand the question. But here’s my new plan: I want to start a band that only plays cover versions of songs that tell narrative stories about how the group itself started, such as Boston’s “Rock and Roll Band,” Bryan Adams’ “Summer of ‘69,” and that one good single by Art Brut. However, we could only play one gig.
RB: Kevin Love or O.J. Mayo?
CK: This is actually pretty close. I think Love has the potential to be better, but only if he’s the third option on a very good team (and that will never happen in Minnesota). Mayo is more complex. He’ll either be awesome or useless. There is something strange about his attitude; he seems detached in a way I cannot define. He might end up being a version of Vernon Maxwell who passes well, or a [redacted] sociopath.
RB: A Cambridge University “personality map of America” found that New York is where the least friendly people live, while North Dakota has the nicest people. Where, um, does that leave you?
CK: Drunk.
RB: You’re doing your reading at the Triple Rock, which is awesome. But: That’s the same venue where on June 8, 2003, I saw the very last Lifter Puller show after they reunited for a three-night stand. I bought a T-shirt to commemorate the event, and then it was stolen from a laundromat about 6 months later. Will you be taking any measures to ensure merchandise purchased at your reading will not be eventually stolen by neer-do-wells?
CK: Yes. Every person who comes to the event will be given a complimentary AK-47 assault rifle. Please bring your ID.
51 Responses to "RandBall Q&A: Chuck Klosterman"
Rand has now interviewed both Craig Finn and Chuck Klosterman.
Ten bucks says he quits the paper later today, in order to “go out on top.”
Don’t forget Erin Andrews. Twice.
and Lisa Guerrero. Twice.
-Thanks to Stu
Will you be taking any measures to ensure merchandise purchased at your reading will not be eventually stolen by neer-do-wells?
CK: Yes. Every person who comes to the event will be given a complimentary AK-47 assault rifle. Please bring your ID.
The gun will be of no use against ragamuffins, tatterdemalions, hooligans, hoodlums, or toughs.
And he sat in on a conference call with Kevin Love.
The story lines and the plot twisting all around from “tax evasion, alcoholism, statutory rape, Tommy Kramer, and wind ” are beyond the range of this measly box, but will ammo be given with that AK-47 ? I understand a bunch of hopping mad hockey moms have bought up all of it in town…
prob not a good idea, jama
Dear North Dakota-
Nice try. Mr. Klosterman was born here, and is therefore “one of us”. This rule was ennacted in 1946 - consequently Ralph Engelstad remains a North Dakotan.
Cordially,
Minnesota
I don’t think I can/will live in a world where P3 has access to an AK-47.
Rand
I apologize, didn’t think it throught I guess.
I have actually never read any of Mr. Klosterman’s books. Which one should I start with? Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto?
I really enjoyed Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, but it also taught me that I enjoy Klosterman only in moderation.
Therefore, I haven’t read any of his other books and really prefer his long-form articles and essays in various magazines.
Now I’m confused. Did you interview some guy I’ve never heard of (more than likely because I’ve never read an entire book before) or Richard Dreyfuss
for this article?
jama — Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs is a very good starting point and probably the one that is most enjoyable to a mass audience.
Joker…Do not fret, my cowardly friend. You mean less than nothing to me.
Dear Minnesota,
We’re still not giving up Roger Maris. Huh? Born in Hibbing? Dangit. OK then, Phil Jackson. Born in MT? Crap. Darin Erstad and Travis Hafner! Still orus? Cool.
Wait. [redacted]
Thanks a lot,
North Dakota
“Do not fret, my cowardly friend. You mean less than nothing to me.”
I don’t know if I should be happy for P3 telling me he’s not going to shoot me, or sad for him refering to me as “friend”.
If it weren’t for my Thursday night bowling league, I’d've suggested the 10/2 reading as an ideal spot for the Redactular t-shirt distribution. As such, it’s a terrible idea.
I’m still trying to figure out what exactly jama did wrong. I’m slow today, I guess.
I’m thinking 10-6 MNF game (vikes vs. saints) as our redactular t-shirt distribution site. any thoughts?
that one good single by Art Brut
That would be Formed A Band, Charles. And it was great, not good.
Recently, Chuck was kind enough to answer exactly eight of our questions.
Did he set that limit? If so, was that before or after he read your line of questions for an Author?
Also, I have never been to the Triple Rock, and I do not see a list of beers on their website… Dave, Stu?
I think Dr. Z’s been dropping acid. His thoughts on why he put the Vikings at 18 in his power poll:
“Minnesota Vikings (1-2)
They beat Carolina by 10 and looka here, seven places lower. Is this fair? Is this just? Now you look! Indy beat the Vikes. Chicago beat Indy. Carolina beat Chicago. In the old days I’d solve this ring around the rosie by setting up ties in the standings, but copouts are not favored by the new administration, which comes armed with cuffs and billy clubs.”
Okay, I was with you until, “in the old days”, then what the hell happened?
Newbie: the one time I was there, they had an excellent beer selection.
Also, I have never been to the Triple Rock, and I do not see a list of beers on their website… Dave, Stu?
I’ve been there once or twice, and I actually don’t recall their beers. I think they rotate a few taps, though. Giving it some variety.
Apparently, they have Surly on tap. And Tuesdays offer 2 for 1…
/off-topic
Fasola singing convention is this weekend.
and Stensation has a new job.
/off-topic
“I’m thinking 10-6 MNF game (vikes vs. saints) as our redactular t-shirt distribution site. any thoughts?”
Are you buying the tickets?
Joker..both your suppositions are correct, but you are under Double Strict probation on both counts at this moment, so I expect at least one “Go Green Bay” from you in the near future. (You may, of course, quickly withdraw this false effort, since I will still consider your presentation as a balance to my Good Will not Hunting)
Talk about bad timing. I would be attending the Klosterman reading next week except that it is on the same night that My Morning Jacket finally returns to the Twin Cities. Klosterman would have never scheduled the reading for this night if he knew Jim James and the boys would be playing downtown.
As for the Klosterman books, if you like Hair Metal, start with Fargo Rock City. If not, go with Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs first. As for the new book, Downtown Owl, I am about 6 chapters into the book and it is brilliant. Topics covered in the first few chapters: A guy who owned bars with Tommy Kramer, flunking out of St. Cloud State, and high school football coaches who hate The Price is Right. Great book.
Anyone else heading to MMJ next week?
10/6 works for me.
Completely off topic and very premature
Who’s more valuable to the Twins Mauer or Morneau? Posnanski isn’t sure either.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/joe_posnanski/09/24/posnanski.almvp/index.html?eref=T1
P3
First off it’s Double SECRET probation.
Second of…what?
Joker: I was thinking we could go somewhere and watch the game other than the metrodome. Maybe like we did that one time at The Park Tavern (free bowling!)
Ty: That’s a tossup. I think I’ll have to go to Klosterman, though I do like myself a little MMJ.
If we were allowed to talk about politics, I’d point out that the Palin/Biden debate is the same night as Klosterman and MMJ.
I agree with Ty Webb on the Klosterman titles. Fargo Rock City hit very close to home for me, but Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs is probably more accessible for non-hair metal dweebs (I use the word affectionately, as I am one). Haven’t read Downtown Owl yet but it’s in the hole on my reading list.
I will actually be in town on the 6th, so count me in. (Only if Rand wears “the shirt”.)
The unfortunate part about going to the ACL Festival is that it pretty much cashes my concert-going chips, otherwise I’d be down for MMJ.
I shall do my best to get to the MNF game, however. Once a location is finalized, let me know, and I’ll see if Marth can pick me up in his jet.
Next time you talk to Klosterman tell him if he lets himself go this is his future.
Rand
We could do that, but couldn’t you write off the tickets as a business expense?
Also, why do you need to put off the event until October? Just admit it, the shirts aren’t done yet.
I thought a better idea would be to watch Twins/Royals Saturday or Sunday if the Twins are still in contention. Unofficial Headquarters has Sierra Nevada on tap!
Stu:
I hit ACL last year. Drink lots of water and bring baby wipes. Yes, baby wipes. Trust me on this.
Man with all these new groups that you young whippersnappers like, I am feeling a bit old. (note: said in an old voice like on Scooby Doo)
“And I wouldve gotten away with it if not for those meddling kids.”
That being said, I guess I am more of the Staind, Chris Cornell mode.
Latte: this is my fifth, so way ahead of you there. Gold Bond Medicated Powder is your best friend.
Joker, in my book it’s always been “double strict probation” which is much more dangerous to a wimpy whining whippersnapper (W3)like you, and “Second of…. what ?” has no inherent meaning since there is ONLY DOUBLE STRICT PROBATION, W3, and nothing more. In any event, you already have your orders, so comply.
In any event you now know your duty. And avoid hiding which is the way of loudmouthed yet frightened rodents like you, since in one of your (ridiculous) wrecked- diculars I will arrive to lovingly and peacably discuss your wanton disregard of what is now so clear. Second of all ?..that is the glib language of a slick Illinois lawyer (and I too know just such of one)…
Joker, I’m waiting for your heartfelt “Go Green Green Bay Cheer” Think of it this way. Even if you don’t mean it, for the first time in your life, you will be cheering for a decent team…..Ok, let’s hear it…the wrecked-dickular is coming up, and how nice it will be to meet a fellow Pack fan…
the T-Rock has good beer on tap, there’ll be something to satisfy most every beerdrinker’s palate. Tuesday is 2 for 1’s, and if you decide to forgo the tap route and do 2 for 1 rail drinks, watch yourself. it’s stiff, like Stand Up Frank’s stiff.
I keep waiting for Chuck to announce that he’s going to write a memoir about what its like to go through life with the most overwhelmingly annoying voice in human history.
Better HIDE the location or you will see how one Packer fan can scatter the Geese
I have yet to find a bar that had no palatable beer.
Better TELL the location so we can see how easy it is for inbred hicks to get picked up by the cops for disorderly
Gabes is a Packer bar …so be there but beware ..since Purple is a sexually suspect color ..so walk in backwards..how not p.c. am I…ay
