Every week, your humble Proprietor trades e-mails with Drew Magary, a Vikings fan living in Washington D.C., and we dissect the latest game in only the way we can. Think of it as Access Vikings with directed rage and better spelling. You might remember Drew from such blogs as Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber. You also might want to buy his book, which we’re 99 pecent sure is about matzo. Here we go:

RandBall: Well, that was a clear step backwards. They were on their heels from the outset. They were sloppy. They were crushed in the turnover battle. The defense was on the field all day (or at least it seemed like it; the fairly close TOP battle seems like a mirage). I’m having a hard time deciding if they’re just facing a brutal early schedule or if they’re doing a lot of this to themselves. I think it’s a 65/35 split right now, with the opponents making up the low number.

Drew Magary: Their first two turnovers, the AD and Tahi fumbles, were freaky plays that put them in the hole. And they aren’t good enough to dig out of a hole like that on the road against the AFC’s best team. They dropped tons of balls and committed about 500 penalties after that. I’m beginning to hate Shiancoe. More than any Viking since Alfred Anderson. All he does is [redacted] up. Why is he out there? Why can’t they put Mills out there? I hate Shiancoe. I hate him hate him hate him hate him. I do not like him. I hate him.

RB: If you look at the schedule through an optimistic lens, you can still find 10 wins in a reasonable fashion. But let’s be realistic: Next week at New Orleans is going to be very tough. That’s not a good matchup because the Saints will put points on the board. Home against Detroit better be a win. At Chicago is certainly not the picnic a lot of people thought it would be. So there’s a real chance that they’ll be 2-5 at the bye. Even when the schedule softens — and only somewhat — after the bye, the prospect of a season going the wrong way in a hurry is looming. I certainly didn’t think I’d be saying that at the quarter-pole.

DM: I think they’ll be inconsistent all year. They just seem to screw up every chance they have at making a big play. Berrian drops the long pass. A Purple Jesus run gets taken back by a hold. Etc. They aren’t well coached enough to get past crap like that.

RB: Know what isn’t awesome? Four turnovers.

DM: Like I said, the first two fumbles were pretty much total freak plays. Those got compounded by stuff like Winfield inability to cover Gage, and the loss of outside contain on Chris Johnson.

RB: No sacks. [Redacted] that. Seriously.

DM: They got lots of hurries and were in Collins’ face a lot, but you’re right. The better teams don’t just pressure the passer, they GET him. Especially when the guy back there is Collins, who has all the mobility of a caterpillar.

RB: Strangely, the other details of this — and every other game so far this year — tend to evaporate quickly. This team has a clear identity (Purple Jesus and a purportedly stout defense), but what they project on the field is often so oblique and temporary. Maybe that’s just the herbal tea talking, or maybe it’s just such a stark contrast to the Tice era, but these last two-plus seasons the games have seemed oddly detached, like a Modest Mouse concert (with Childress on the cowbell).

DM: I agree. They have absolutely no personality, especially on offense. And that’s a reflection of Childress, who is a can of dry paint out there.

RB: I’m not a great football thinker. I watch games, I think I know a thing or two, but I don’t profess to know the ins and outs of offensive schemes and such. That said, when I watch other teams play, things just seem EASIER on offense, and not in a dumbed-down kind of way. Am I wrong? What is it?

DM: It’s coaching. The scheme from Childress is so weak, that players have to do every thing exactly right for it to work. It’s pulling teeth out there, and it’s brutal to watch at times.

RB: At least the injury to E.J. Henderson doesn’t appear to be that serious. And McKinnie is back next week.

DM: Yeah, the injuries to him and Frerotte were not pleasant to sit through. Frerotte got a helmet in the groin from Vanden Bosch. That made me want to sit in some Epsom salts.

RB: Only other silver lining? The division might end up being pretty putrid. As in, 9 wins might do it, especially if Rodgers is out for any appreciable length of time. Hate to say it, but the Bears are right in the mix. Might even call them favorites at this point if Rodgers misses significant time. Behold the power of the neckbeard.

DM: Yeah, but if they win by default (still unlikely), who cares? They’ll get reamed come playoff time.

RB: Keeping in mind that I have by no means written off this season because I know how these things work, let’s say the Vikings wind up something like 7-9, miss the playoffs, etc. What is your blueprint for getting this thing back on track in a hurry?

DM: Firing Childress and hiring Frazier, who seems to actually have a pulse?

RB: Any double-secret botched plays/calls I’m forgetting?

DM: Yeah, THAT CHALLENGE SHOULD HAVE BEEN [REDACTED] OVERTURNED.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 2:10 pm and is filed under Monday Meltdown, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.