COW: Muxhut solves our future stadium needs
Posted on October 28th, 2008 – 11:15 AMBy Michael Rand
If every COW post was presented with MSPaint art, the world would be a better place. Muxhut, you have the floor:
The Minnesota Sporting Complex
This is not a COW about pessimistically cheering on a team that you are more comfortable seeing lose than win. This is a COW about sports stadiums.
Minnesotans are no stranger to the subject of sporting venue hype. Remember that crazy guy who owned the Vikings and kept threatening to move them to Texas (not even in America!) if we didn’t build a new stadium? At least Zygi Wilf, whom I admire and respect, would aim for LA or something, right? (Seriously, if this happens, just PLEASE not Texas. PLEASE.)
Anyway, so the Vikings want a new stadium. And the Twins, they have a new field en route. And the Wild, who play the puck, their arena is glorious and there is much rejoicing. And the Timberwolves, who may or may not play well, will be complaining for a new venue within, I’d estimate, 2 weeks of their next .500 season.
So here’s what I think we should be aiming for: one massive sporting venue, all 4 stadia / arenia / fieldia / parks under one (retractable) roof. Baseball next to football next to hockey next to basketball next to baseball. (Okay, so only 1/2 the roof would be retractable.)
Think “Mall of America” but for guys. Think of the burger joints / sports stores / bars / casinos that would occupy the concourses dividing those 4 arenas — they would always be in season, always be open and busy. Think of the children. Children you will be leaving at home so you can watch one or more professional sports teams.
The Target Center area will soon have 2 of the 4 venues. Someone should start buying up space around that area, and in 20 years …
- when the Vikings have finally earned a stadium …
- when the Twins are sick of their 18 year old stadium …
- when the Timberwolves are closing in on a winning season …
- when the Wild finally figures out that 9/10ths of their fanbase lives on the other side of the river …
… we’ll be ready to build.
So, any thoughts on sporting venues? Any crazy MN-sports related ideas? Any idea who’d pay for this one?
25 Responses to "COW: Muxhut solves our future stadium needs"
A calendar of sorts could be done with commenters better halves
January - RBBH
February - P3’s blowup doll Anna
March - JPF’s wife complete with motorcycle and broken arm
April - Muxhottie
May - One of Jokers many exes
etc……. fill in the months.
Any idea who’d pay for this one?
I’m sure a 3% sales-tax hike state-wide would take care of it in short order.
Kansas City half attempted this many years ago. The initial plan for Kaufman and Arrowhead was for them to share a roof.
I love the idea. Just add on a new HQ’s for Target in the area and you have a sponsor that will throw in $250 million. That should cover at least 1% of the total cost.
I like my idea better
One question, why does Kellen Winslow get a portion of the complex?
Does the baseball side have to come with a giant cookie? Or is that just there because the football side has a deflated blimp in it?
newbie -
that is obviously an olive loaf.
(no I do not wish to specify which of your mockings I am correcting.)
Where would hockey be played? I mean, I see an area where broomball, volleyball, kickball, tether ball, and perhaps even four-square could be played. Not one mention of a puck though.
Oh yeah, and why are there phalluses (phalli?) sticking out of the football complex?
What if the roof slides back and forth across both sides? So, we could have some outdoor hockey and basketball games too.
DaveMN … shouldn’t there be? I’m confused. I didn’t think it was a big deal. I thought like 8% of stadiums had that …
It’s genius.
I really like your “Mall of America for guys” concept, but I am still skeptical. How do you plan to incorporate the third world smells that I have come to expect from the MOA? Will there be some sort of “MOA Experience” booth where my family can be shot at and harassed by hoodlums?
Will there be some sort of “MOA Experience” booth where my family can be shot athave our ages questioned and be harassed by hoodlums security guards at the door?
Fixed
Offtopic:
Neither of those bowl scenarios seem to encourage a positive outcome for the Gophers.
/Offtopic
Dave: you have to figure that whoever the Gophers play, they’ll rightfully be considered the underdog, just because the Big Ten is such a festival of suck. All things considered, though, a New Year’s Day game against Spurrier? That would be fun.
Muxhut - Super idea! Leave the chicks home with the children to have dinner on the table when you finally haul your drunk arse home. Think of all the bathroom construction costs you’ll save when all you need are Metrodomian troughs!
Stu: I still think they’re the underdog every week. So imagining them up against the likes of LSU isn’t a pretty picture. However, any kind of New Year’s Day exposure would be awesome for recruiting.
Muxhut: You forgot the Bachelor Pad Condominium Development that would also be attached.
I really like the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. Has such a winning tradition and just rolls off the tongue.
A co-worker and me came up with the idea to build a floating football stadium for the SD Chargers. Reasons why this would be a good idea:
1. The Chargers need a new stadium.
2. No great sites available to build other than in Miramar or Camp Pendelton.
3. L.A. has no team. (stadium will be able to move up and down the coast of SoCal).
4. Who else has a flaoting stadium?
5. Most important, allows the Vikings to stay in Minnesota.
Any other reasons, I would like to present my idea to the Chargers and recieve $ for it.
Dave - it makes me really nervous to see those match-up predictions in print. I don’t even care about the outcome as much as making sure they can actually get there.
Would there be a retractable roof, locate in the center of the baseball and football stadia, able to close over either field?
Minnesota vs. LSU on New Year’s Day won’t do much for my hangover.
Minnesota vs. LSU on New Year’s Day won’t improve my hangover.
Muxhut
You also forgot the “gentlemen’s” clubs and “massage” parlors. Those are must haves.
“Where would hockey be played? I mean, I see an area where broomball, volleyball, kickball, tether ball, and perhaps even four-square could be played. Not one mention of a puck though.”
Dave - as a former neighborhood tether ball and knock hockey…
http://www.dickssportinggoods.com/product/index.jsp?productId=1124148
…legend, I’m totally satisfied with the above proposal.
