You must have heard about the hilarious verbal jabs being traded by former Vikings designated dropper Troy Williamson and Mr. Mustache himself, head coach Brad Childress. Williamson said he and his former coach — with whom he clearly does not get along — should meet at midfield and duke it out Sunday when the Vikings and Jaguars meet. Childress, for his part, played along. That is presumably where it will end, leaving the imagination to run wild. What would happen in a 7-round fight between these two bantamweights? The mind wanders …

Round 1: Childress, in long-flowing purple trunks and gold boots, comes out and establishes a clear rhythm. First punch: jab. Second punch: jab. Third punch: Haymaker. Fourth punch: kick. He is warned by the ref for that fourth punch. Williamson, meanwhile, is wearing football pants and wide receiver gloves coated with Crisco. Several of Brad’s jabs slip through his hands and land on his face. Advantage: Childress.

Round 2: Williamson’s reach starts to come into play. He’s bigger, stronger and when he realizes that boxing doesn’t involve catching, he starts to thrive. He damanges Childress with some body blows and then connects clearly with a right cross to the lower mustache lid. Advantage: Williamson.

Round 3: What’s this! They’re playing Daunte Culpepper’s music! In a wrestling twist, the ex-Vikings QB steps into the ring for a swing at his nemesis. But Culpepper, looking a little portly these days, staggers around the ring out of breath while Childress keeps him at bay. It should be noted that the boxing gloves barely fit on Culpepper’s small hands. Advantage: draw.

Round 4: With Williamson back and refreshed, he dominates another round. It is obvious to everyone what happened, but Childress still pulls a red flag from his trunks and challenges the round scoring. After 90 seconds of agitated grimacing, the ruling is upheld. Advantage: Williamson.

Round 5: Childress catches Williamson with an early punch near the right eye, stunning the WR and knocking his sight temporarily back to pre-Nike vision camp days. With Williamson now completely turned around for much of the round, Childress whales away with body shots. Brad Johnson comes back and hits him in the face with a football just for old time’s sake. Advantage: Childress.

Round 6: Ring announcer and current Jags assistant Mike Tice eggs on the crowd by reminding everyone that Jacksonville, site of the fight, is a “tough guy town.” Emboldened, Williamson charges and unleashes a fury of fists that would make his grandmother proud. Childress, who had answers to these tactics in the first half of the fight, is defenseless and cannot make the proper adjustments. Advantage: Williamson.

Round 7: Realizing the fight is on the brink of ending, Childress pulls out all the stops. He rolls up on Williamson’s knee. He gets the fight official to call a questionable pass interference penalty on Williamson. There might have even been a bite in there — replays are inconclusive. Advantage: Childress.

Overall: Three rounds for Childress, three for Williamson and one draw.

Commenters: How is this tie broken, and who wins?

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 20th, 2008 at 11:33 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.