We continue to enjoy the adventures of Brandon, though we find some elements of this post disturbing. Remember, there will be 41 of these this year, either from us, Roughkat or Brandon. Please do enjoy. Brandon?

Scene: Brandon’s bedroom, lined with posters of Billy Beane and Bill James. Michael Rand enters, wearing a wide-collared shirt under a sweater and holding a basketball in his outstretched arms. He approaches Brandon, snoring loudly in his bed and wearing his “Redacted” t-shirt.

Rand: “Brandon, wake up!”

Brandon: “Wha? Huh? What time is it?

Rand: “It’s mid-morning, sir! Where is your Timberwolves recap? It was due a couple hours ago. I am upset with this unexpected delay.”

[Rand looks away disgustedly as Brandon scratches himself while yawning.]

Brandon: Oh, Mike, I just had the most glorious dream! I can’t wait to tell you all about it. We were at a bar, me and you, and Roughkat was there, and oh what a time we had! We laughed and argued and watched sports and I was being like totally awesome, and it was just the tops. But that’s just the beginning. After the bar, my roommate and I went to the Wolves game. Here is where is gets kind of weird, but just stick with me because I want to tell you all about it and plus you are a super-famous blogger and you’re in my room which is totes awesome and I don’t want this to end and actually maybe I can get you to pose for a shot which I’ll hang on my wall just think about it OK, but hold on where was I again? Oh, right: the game. The roomie and I grabbed a couple barley pops, and instead of going to our regular seats, we bravely snuck down to the lower level and grabbed us some sick seats about 20 rows up from the Wolves bench.

“And you should’ve seen the Wolves play! They were excellent. Craig Smith simply refused to be contained, Mikey, he did. The guy was hitting mid-rangers, taking it to the hole, all that. He ended up with like 21 points in 25 minutes. Jefferson was Jefferson, Gomes looked good and Bassy dished eight assists in just a handful of minutes. Now, granted, in my dream we were playing an awful team of stiffs who appeared to hate playing with each other. So, like, it wasn’t that difficult, but still. And during the second half, the crowd loosened up and there was this patch of smart, young fans who knew the game and threw some hilarious quips in Wittman’s vicinity, who is still a worthless coach even in dreams, but all in all the atmosphere was quality. And the game went on, and the Wolves were up by like 10 with a few minutes to play, and my roommate – who at this point had awesomely morphed into Keeley Hazell – and I just stared at each other and went “hey, we’ve seen this movie before. We know how this one’s gonna end!” Then we held hands and watched as the Wolves collectively pooped the bed once again, eventually giving up the lead with about 90 seconds to play. This is where the dream basically turned into a recurring nightmare, where it’s scary and painful even though you’ve had the same nightmare about six times this month.

“But then! With a minute left and our team up by one, ol’ Mikey Miller was left open at the top of the key and drained a huge three-pointer that effectively sealed it. Victory. Oh, did we celebrate! You were there, Mike, and so was Roughkat and Dave MN and jama and Joker – who was for some reason dressed in old-timey prison garb – and Jon and Clarence and Hootie and latte and AZ Gopher Girl and I think even Sooze and Lizzy at some point? Then we all rushed the court, all us Randballers, running around like blissful idiots and screaming and cutting down the nets and Keeley and I were now spinning around at center court with clasped hands and we all celebrated deep into the night and oh man I wish that had happened because it was just about the greatest thing ever.”

Rand: “But, B, that actually did happen!”

[Brandon comically rubs eyes and shakes head in wonderment.]

Brandon: “So, has Keeley already left for work or something?”

Rand: “Well, not everything you just said happened. Especially not the Keeley thing. Brandon, you are aware that you’re a…loser, right?”

Brandon: “Ah yes. But, Mike, this can’t be possible. There is no way any of that actually happened. Cripes Mikey, do I have to repeat it: the Wolves won! Can’t be possible. I’m not ready to live in a world that wonderful.”

Rand: “Time to start believing, friend. Now let’s get you dressed and go face this brave new world.”

[Freeze frame on Brandon and Rand high-fiving with huge grins on their faces. Cue “What a Wonderful World.” Credits roll. Fade out.]

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 20th, 2008 at 1:49 pm and is filed under Section 203, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.