The Minnesota Vikings and Minnesota Timberwolves won road games yesterday against respectable opponents by a combined 44 points. Can you believe it? We couldn’t, either. Luckily, we can at least attempt to explain it via a fictional post-game dialogue between the head coaches, Brad Childress and Randy Wittman.

Brad Childress: Hey Randy, it’s Brad. Congratulations on your sound victory.

Randy Wittman: You too, fella. We both needed it, huh?

BC: Oh, I don’t know. We just take them one game at a time. No game is bigger than any ot- … Oh, who am I kidding. We absolutely needed that one. Like Troy Williamson needs a punch to the face.

RW: Yeah, we needed it in the worst way. Job security, you know?

BC: Absolutely. So, we were on the airplane and didn’t see your game. How did you beat Detroit by 26 points? Did you alter some cadence? Come up with a new set of kick-ass plays?

RW: Just the opposite. It was the weirdest thing. Instead of overly complicated sets or precision timing plays, we kind of rolled the balls out there and let the guys play. I told our guy Randy Foye that we were simplifying the playbook and that he should just operate on instinct. I’d say 23 points and 14 assists from him is a good reason why we won. Plus Detroit is just awful now that they traded for Allen Iverson. How about you guys?

BC: Funny, we did just the opposite of what you did. Imagine if a basketball team turned the ball over on, say, 10 consecutive possessions and then let you build a huge lead. Well, that’s what happened to us. We were up 14-0 after two minutes and hadn’t even really tried yet. After that, we had one of two choices: stomp on the throat of a disinterested team or try to squeeze the life out of the game by safely playing the percentages. Naturally, we went for the latter. We barely took any chances at all. I told my field general, Gus Frerotte, the exact opposite of what you told yours: do not go out there and make a play. Do not throw the ball. We’ll hand it off and run for it, or you’ll throw it away, and we’ll punt. Well, if you discount the rest of the first half when Jacksonville dominated and probably should have tied the game, it worked to perfection. They just kept giving and giving. Finally, we had a big enough lead that even we could breathe easy. It was remarkable.

RW: Don’t you love games like that!

BC: Tell you what, if every team would spot us a two-touchdown lead, my approval rating would be higher than an airplane.

RW: Airplane! Good one! But it’s kind of funny. I don’t know if we can sustain this, but for one day, at least, we have this fantastic opportunity — both of us — originating out of different kinds of desperation. I was so exasperated that nothing was working for my team and my point guard that I told them to forget everything and just go play. And it worked! That was the “nothing left to lose” desperation. You guys were so desperate for a victory that you clung to it like the prospect of another breath in the face of grim death. You cut off all the circulation from that game, made it at the very least uncomfortable to watch, played with an alarming lack of killer instinct or trust in your players, and that worked, too! That was the “everything to lose” kind of desperation.

BC: Yes. Yes. Two kinds of desperation. Two crazy methods. Two huge victories. Maybe anything is possible? Hey, wait, I’ve got another call. Uh-oh. It’s Tim Brewster.

Fasola-link! Benford’s Law.

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