Wednesday (Tarnished reputation Pro Bowl) edition: Wha’ Happened?
Posted on December 3rd, 2008 – 9:14 AMBy Michael Rand
We started out trying to muster up some outrage about how NFL players who are suspended for drug violations don’t face the same “you ruined the game, the sky is falling!” treatment as baseball players. But that’s no fun. Then we tried to feel bad for the guys who broke the rules, which seems to be a dominant sentiment. It’s understandable since these are just diuretics we’re talking about. But at the end of the day, they broke clearly stated rules. We’re neutral. Could have gone either way. Maybe a two-game suspension would have been a nice compromise, but that opens up a whole new set of problems for future cases. So, after those failed attempts at seriousness, we decided that our only recourse was to suggest a new Pro Bowl format this year. Ready: players whose reputations have been tarnished vs. anyone else. Forget this whole conference business. Let’s inject some life into a game that nobody cares about. And you know what? Could be a pretty good game. Let’s attempt to go position-by-position. Keep in mind, we’re trying to honor the most recent transgressions as much as possible. As always, there is room for more suggestions in the comments.
QB
Brett Favre: Damaged his image beyond repair this offseason, but can still sling it.
RBs
Deuce McAllister: StarCaps.
Tatum Bell: Luggage thief.
Ahmad Bradshaw: Was at the club with Plaxico.
WRs
Plaxico Burress: Might have to miss the game; will send Harris Smith as his proxy if he can be pried away from Applebee’s.
Matt Jones: Felony cocaine charges; hearing on three-game suspension is Thursday.
Chad Ocho Cinco: General clownishness, lack of productivity
TE
Kellen Winslow: One-game team suspension for ripping GM and owner.
OL
Terrence Metcalf (Bears): Four-game steroids suspension
Richie Incognito: Meltdown for Rams against Washington led to $35K fine and nearly cost team game
Bryan Pittman (Houston, long snapper): StarCaps
Bryant McKinnie: Night club incident, suspension, etc.
DL
Williams Wall (see above picture), Charles Grant and Will Smith: StarCaps.
LB
Antonio Pierce: A known club associate of Harris Smith.
Darryl Blackstock (Bengals): Four-game performance-enhancing drug suspension.
Odell Thurman (Bengals): Season-long substance suspension, plus arrest in water park altercation.
DB
Pacman Jones: Six-game suspension, all-time roster spot.
Bernard Pollard: Chiefs Safety knocked Tom Brady out for season.
Fabian Washington (Baltimore): One-game suspension for domestic violence arrest.
ST
Martin Gramatica: Blew Vikings game, then went on IR two days later.
Head coach: Mike Singletary
Fasola-link! A president picks his cabinet.
23 Responses to "Wednesday (Tarnished reputation Pro Bowl) edition: Wha’ Happened?"
Pacman has to be the captain of this team.
They need to change the format of the Pro Bowl one way or another. I think moving it to the week between playoff games will really help. It’s still a meaningless game but at least it will feed the need for football during that pointless off week.
The Pac Man is the obvious choice here for Captain but has any player gone from near superstar to irrelevant faster than Chad Johnson? Maybe Braylon Edwards, but he didn’t dig his own grave with the mouth shovel.
Maybe we had better enjoy RandBall while it lasts…
I don’t know if this has been brought up here before but in the next couple of years they are planning on playing the Pro Bowl the week before the Super Bowl. Doesn’t that seem odd? Obviously the Super Bowl teams players will not be playing in that game. Oh yeah, they are not going to be playing in Hawaii anymore either.
Bonus fasola-link (an actual fasola link). That’s me in the Rand-esque blue sweater/pink shirt combo.
“plus arrest in water park altercation.”
NO SPLASHING YOU LITTLE SON OF A [redacted]!!!
If you ever want to feel good about the quality of RandBall’s comment section, please, read the comments to the article RT links. The sheer ferocity of the stupid on display is remarkable. Your move, AV commenters. Your move.
Stu, I think AV is coherent and rational compared to that. At least AV is basically focused on the Vikings…that thread is all over the place.
COOKIES ARE DELICIOUS!!!
PIE SUXORS!
Who’s picked up Kevin Smith for this weekend’s fantasy football playoffs?
Chad Ocho Cinco has nothing on Chris Henry.
Couldn’t we find a spot for Michael and Marcus Vick on this list?
Jon
I need some help with an NHL question and you’re the only one I know who watches hockey. What exactly did Sean Avery get suspended for?
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/hockey/nhl/12/02/avery.suspended.ap/index.html
jama-
Jon can provide the particulars, but Avery’s transgression was basically nothing more than a typical weekday office conversation for Joker.
Except Avery is a giant toolbox, and Joker is awesome.
Well, the sanitized quote was in the SI story: “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my (former girlfriends).”
If you wish to know which term he actually used, instead of “former girlfriends,” you can visit this Urban Dictionary link, which I would warn you is extremely inappropriate and therefore should not be viewed by anyone.
Chad Ocho Cinco’s reputation has not been tarnished–he’s always been a clownish buffoon.
Jon
I guess I didn’t think what Avery said was that offensive, except to maybe Phaneuf. Do you think he should have been suspended over this? Matt Jones was busted doing lines of Cocaine in his car and he has yet to be suspended by the NFL. Is the NHL the new gestapo?
“Except Avery is a giant toolbox, and Joker is awesome.”
Sorry…just wanted to see that posted again.
I firmly believe that Sean Avery should be suspended for everything, including breathing.
Hey, the first one to get with a puck bunny has the right to criticize the players who follow him. That’s the code. And, yes, you can still be called a “puck bunny” if you’re a supermodel or Jack Bauer’s daughter.
And, really, in general how many people are not with someone else’s “sloppy”? You just usually don’t have to see them when doing your job…unless, of course, you work with Joker.
I liked the “enjoy the game tonight” comment at the end of Avery’s quote.
“unless, of course, you work with Joker.”
You screw up 20 or 30 times, and you’re labeled for life.
You screw up 20 or 30 times, and you’re labeled for life.
Or as long as the Strib is economically viable and all of us internet friends have a place to congregate.
Tank Johnson is offended.
