Thursday (Daunte, the Vikings, the Williamses, too much) edition: Wha’ Happened?
Posted on December 4th, 2008 – 9:19 AMBy Michael Rand
Picture 1: Daunte Culpepper after he signed his rookie contract with the Vikings. Picture 2: Daunte Culpepper now. He was asked about his weight recently and had this to say:
Q: What weight are you currently playing at?
A: Right now I am down a little bit from when I first got here. I am probably about 270 right now. That is just that I have always been a big guy. I have never had a real problem with my weight. I am always going to be cognizant of it and make sure I am in good enough shape to go out and play the game that I love to play.
Q: What were you when you were with the Vikings? 260?
A: I was probably about the same. Coach Tice just always wanted my weight to try and be under 270. Sometimes I would be 273, 274 – not a big deal. That is just my size. I don’t want to be too much over that. Like I said, I am aware that I make sure I keep myself where I need to be.
Of course, in the first question of the interview, he delivered a beautiful mis-speak. So you’re never quite sure when to trust him. Seems as though the Lions can’t even win at cliches.
Q: Are you happy in Detroit?
A: I am happy to be playing. Obviously I am happy to be in the fight, but it is all about winning. I want to win some games. With that being said, I am just working. I got my head to the grindstone, just working.
The whole head? Not just the nose? Wow, that grindstone must really be feeling it. Wearing that grindstone down to the nub, we would have to say. Must be tough on the head, but whatever it takes to win, right?
*Ramon chimes in with this: the williams boys were granted an injunction (for whatever that’s worth) by a judge named gary larson. if they do play this weekend, it will be because gary larson or larsen or whomever — will not let the purple people eaters go down without a fight. you realize that this could (legitimately) go all the way the way to the state supreme court — and alan page could have a hand in this. jim marshall agrees this is a sign.
*By the way, we hate the multiple “Williamses.” It sounds funny and looks even funnier. It always reminds us of The Simpsons, when Homer declares: “I’ve got an RV we can use — Flanderses!” It just bugs us.
*What does Vegas think of the Williams Wall problems? Well, the line started with the Vikings around 9.5-point favorites early in the week and dipped when the suspensions were announced in some cases. The Hilton book, for instance, dropped to Vikings by 7.5. Last night, though, the Hilton line went back up to 8. Does Vegas think the Williamses (blech) will play? If you are inclined to bet on the Vikings (because, you know, you’re a masochist) and you are headed to a place where legal bets are made, you might fetch a fair value if the Wall plays.
*And finally, MR points us to our pal and former colleague Kevin Seifert, who gives an updated rundown of the past 7 or so years of Vikings shenanigans. The list is really staggering, and the sheer volume might mean you have forgotten a thing or two (MR had forgotten Fran Foley and one of the Denny Green moments). Seifert, whose knowledge on these matters is eclipsed only by his celebration of Weird Al’s musical catalog, also had this to say:
The more time I spent with the list, the more I realized how historically insignificant the suspensions of Pat Williams and Kevin Williams actually were in Vikings off-field lore. It seemed to be standard stuff relative to this franchise. Until, of course, a Minnesota judge took the unprecedented action Wednesday night of temporarily lifting their suspensions pending further hearings on the topic.
Indeed. It is never dull around here.
Fasola-link! A rather hilarious list of searches that yield no hits when Googled. For instance: “Driver-side bidet.”
37 Responses to "Thursday (Daunte, the Vikings, the Williamses, too much) edition: Wha’ Happened?"
“I got my head to the grindstone”
Can someone give me a ruling on the true expression here? Is it nose or ear, or are the body parts interchangeable?
“You’re suspect! Yeah, you! I don’t know what your reputation is in this town, but after the [redacted] you tried to pull today you can bet I’ll be looking into you. Now the business we have, heretofore, you can speak with my aforementioned attorney. Good day, gentlemen; and until that day comes, keep your ear to the grindstone.”
Regardless, my love for Daunte knows no bounds, including rules of proper English.
/getting my roll on
You need to leave Daunte alone. I would think that someone smart enough to be both a quarterback and an agent would speak gooder than some blog hack, er, journalist. Daunte will get his “roll on” this weekend that is for sure…
The other day we had a all shenanigan team for the pro bowl, I think we could get a good team just from the Vikings players, current and past to make a all star type team of miscreants.
I agree that calling these guys the “Williamses” is a little like suggesting they come from near Andy’s place on the old Andy of Mayberry show except a) I never saw much cultural diversity on that show and b) even if these monsters were seen (or allowed !!) calling them by a cutesy name like the Williamses just wouldn’t fly when “cattle” would be more apropos
But, as I started to write this to my old biased Purple pantied buddies here at the sinking Star, I read once that balls and ovaries stem from the same gene stem except balls go on forever whereas ovaries make nice handbags. Now you have a great gift idea to give. Don’t thank me. I know your feelings
Who the [REDACTED] called P3??? I normally don’t go back to a post from the previous day, but for some reason I felt it was necessary. After looking, I knew my day would be up hill from here.
[redacted]
/puts gun to head
Ovaries and handbags? Where am I?
pretty good ay ?
It’s only because you whine like women who have left their pounds of lard at the store. Boot these clowns…they give lawyers a bad name…or a worse name anyway.
there is a difference in beating the rap and being innocent…To me, I say they should be booted for the post season too. Look how bad Tampa gashed them. Don’t you think it was because they were being heavily monitored (read up on this stuff, clowns, before you offer your soft and puffy purple opinions)…and being monitored more heavily, blood serum levels of steroids dropped not being replenished.
So, this means your Twin Towers of power were really quite ordinary w/o the “StarCaps” they took w/o knowing what was inside such a aptly named concoction.
That’s what I mean by whining people, you with the ovaries out there. Be a man and don’t fight for trash like this when they did wrong. Kick them in their wide ass. That’s what they deserve. Or change your skirt, and go to work…
I’m not sure if there is a Stu light or what the symbol on that light would look like but we need to get him here ASAP. Otherwise I might actually have to do some work and none of us want that to happen.
Reading P3 So You Don’t Have To
Your city is tewwible.
This has been another edition of Reading P3 So You Don’t Have To, a joint service of the Guttmacher Institute and Hubbard Broadcasting.
RE: “our pal and former colleague Kevin Seifert”
Mr. Rand, can you confirm the rumor that Seifert is the voice of Carl Gerbschmidt?
Kismet.
(Off topic) If Rand doesn’t mention our beautiful alley-oop in league basketball last night, I’m leaving.
Michael is currently revising and extending this week’s Hunt Down.
Brandon
From one short white guy with no vertical to another, it was pretty good…considering.
Alley-oops? Since when did they bring back the 6 foot rim leagues and where can I sign up?
I’d like to submit the tower cheif’s logs from KFAN as defense exhibits Alpha and Bravo.
Mr. Rand, may I remind you that you are under pretend oath, in a fake intraweb courtroom. Can you confirm or deny that Mr. Seifert is, in fact, the voice of Carl Gerbschmidt?
I love how P3 STILL doesn’t understand that jama is a Bears fan. Hilarity ensues every time.
P3, you of all people should know you’d have to harvest a lot of ovaries to make a decent-sized handbag.
AZGG for COW.
I saw Ovary Handbags open up for Sufjan Stevens at the Crystal Ballroom in Portland.
I think any word that ends in “-ses” seems like a medical condition or perhaps a word that starts with “pen-”… I first learned of this during a section of Egyptian history and Ramses — always oddly gross to me — and continuing with Williamses.
Brandon - That was a sweet finish on the oop end of things. I’m pretty sure without either the headband or arm sleeve it never would have happened. You just need some tattoos now.
I’m pretty sure the voice of Mr. Gerbschmidt (and Chad Hartman’s Saul Lefkowitz) is Clear Channel management dude Gregg Swedberg.
HOLD THE PHONE! Jama is a bears fan???
Actually, Az, a local Packer fan turned mass murderer, my ol’ Bud Ed Gein turned many fem parts into lampshades, coin purses, even a hat I read (unusual odour there, however) but you are right, I never heard of purses, but the guys in this post (get ready to dummarize, Stu) might only not have the ovs to make a purse, but, realiatically, they don’t have the ‘nads to make a coin purse either. And I wonder with all the ‘roids they (didn’t..snigger, snigger) ever take if as big a mountain of flesh as these whining lil boy cheaters are, what teeny tiny mouseballs they do sport…
Next week I’m going sleeveless to show off the ink, plus a few sweatbands and Dwayne Wade leggings. I figure with that amount of flair I’ll be able to play more than 30 seconds without hacking up a lung and begging for a sub.
Rand has been read his rights, fasola. The question will be repeated - is Seifert also Gerbschmidt? Don’t look at fasola! Private Rand, answer the question!
Jesse Helms: As far as I know, Mr. Seifert is NOT in fact Gerbschmidt, though he has said on several instances that people mistakenly suspect him as such.
And yes, Brandon, that alley-oop was sweet. The way we made eye contact. The way you sprinted past the lazy defender. The way you threw it down … er … gently banked it off the glass. That was magic.
The way you threw it down … er … gently banked it off the glass.
Fundamentally sound.
“get ready to dummarize, Stu”
Stu, are you OK? I mean…that…was…just…haaaaaarsh.
“He who lives to dine on others, perchance to summarize the thoughts of others would best be described himself as a leech and a pickpocket, nothing more” ….Stu’s ma
Weird, something bad happens to the Vikings, PPP is here.
Vikings kick 10 pounds of dog crap out of the Packers, and we don’t hear a peep for weeks…
probably don’t hear a peep out of your wife either
ummm…yeah. Good comeback.
