The Internets: LeBron, Festivus and Gambling
Posted on December 12th, 2008 – 3:33 PMBy Michael Rand
*I have a gambling problem? I have a gambling problem? Sorry, just a slight variation on the opening scene from “Burn After Reading.” Did we mention it’s the most quotable movie since Anchorman? Yeah, you heard that right. Anyway, yes, sir, you have a gambling problem. And just because you lost $37 million doesn’t mean it was the casino’s fault. But don’t let that stop you from filing that lawsuit. (Matt Millen clicks link furiously, imagines a sympathetic court that would rule against the NFL for “making” him draft so many wide receivers).
*Hugging Harold Reynolds offers a petition to end LeBron James petitions.
*Festivus. It’s for the rest of us. Or, if you live in Washington state, it’s for everyone.
*And finally, we have tallied the comments from the Mount Rushmore post, and it seems as though these are your finalists for four spots based on the criteria:
Norm Green
Les Steckel
Stephon Marbury
Clem Haskins
Lou Holtz
Kevin McHale
Herschel Walker
Carl Pohlad
Mike Lynn
Vote for your top 4 in the comments this time, and we’ll hammer this out.
19 Responses to "The Internets: LeBron, Festivus and Gambling"
Rand
Don’t we first have to set the rules for a recount before we do the actual counting?
Norm Green, Les Steckel, Mike Lynn, Carl Pohlad.
Re: Gambler
If his lawyer can somehow get the case heard by U.S District Judge Paul Magnuson he should have a good chance to win.
/Bitter Bears fan.(like there’s any other sort of Bears fan)
Norm Green
Mike Lynn
Kevin McHale
Write In: Visanthe’s Shiancoe
Can I sue Vivid Video for targeting my addiction?
Norm Green, Stephon Marbury, Kevin McHale, Carl Pohlad
The first things that need to be done at the next Redactular:
Airing of grievances and feats of strength.
Thank you Festivus for bringing us together.
No jama, this is America. We’ll figure out a recount if it comes to it.
Norm Green (He should get 2 faces on there)
Carl Pohlad (Learn to spend money)
Stephon Marbury (Learn to play with others)
Herschel Walker (Learn to… stupid Herschel Walker.)
“Can I sue Vivid Video for targeting my addiction?”
No you can not.
offers a petition to end LeBron James petitions.
I’m against protests, but I have no way to show it.
Interesting that there are only two players up there. It makes sense because owners/coaches/GM’s have a longer-lasting impact on a franchise (and therefore are usually more hated), but I’d also be curious to see a players-only Rushmore. Who would join Marbury and Walker?
With that said:
Norm Green (My longest lasting memory of Norm Green was opening the Star Tribune the day after the Stars moved, and there was someone in the Met Center parking lot with a live bobcat in a cage that he wanted to give to Norm Green.)
Kevin McHale (duh)
Stephon Marbury (lousy [shaincoe])
Carl Pohlad (purely for trying to contract the Twins)
Herschel was not the problem, the trade was the problem. Blame Lynn.
Stephon was a minor nuisance w/ some high points in Minnesota, not the complete pain in the neck he is now.
Vote Norm, Lynn, McHale and Clem.
Troy Williamson just said he would fight Brad Childress for a spot on that Rushmore
Dan and Glenn from the University of Minnesota are teaming up to run for a co-spot on the Mountain. They have the backing of all Univerity alumns. Mediocrity has never been better.
Rand sits at his computer, tired and alone. He hears a hushed voice, almost a whisper: “Tear down Block E, Rand, and build this monument on that spot.”
“Rand, people will come Rand. They’ll come to the monument of hatred for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll pass over the money without thinking about it. This monument, it’s a part of our past. It reminds of us all that was bad and will be again. Oh, people will come Rand. People will most definitely come.”
“And at the base, you can put a Minnesota sports themed restaurant. Call it “The 41-0″. T-Hud rap all day long. They’ll find they have reserved seats there. And it’ll be as if they’ve dipped themselves in magic waters.”
And Rand wakes up, his keyboard covered in drool.
We would sell out of our breakfast specialty, the 41 doughnut. That theme restaurant is really a fantastic idea.
Can I put a write in vote for Punto? I thought he’d be on the list for sure, otherwise, I would have nominated him.
Norm Green, Carl Pohlad, Kevin McHale!
C’mon, at least Carl has brought us two World Series victories. Whether or not they’re deserving to him, he still has that going for him.
Norm Green (gave us the Baltimore Colts treatment), Herschel Walker (handcuffed a franchise), Stephon Marbury (held a franchise for ransom), Kevin McHale (gave a franchise the GW Bush treatment).
Alternate: Troy Williamson (failure to catch on)
