When we read the report last night on ESPN.com that famed orthopedic surgeon Dr. James Andrews has apparently been consulting Brett Favre on his torn biceps tendon, we immediately sprung to action in order to provide readers keen insight into all sides of this story (as you can see from the x-ray, something is terribly wrong). While we do not know Dr. James Andrews, famed orthopedic surgeon, we do have a friend named James Andrews. And while we knew we would likely not secure an interview with Dr. James Andrews, famed orthopedic surgeon, we were fairly confident we could get the other James Andrews to weigh in on the matter. So, here we go with a few questions for our friend James Andrews, who is not to be confused with Dr. James Andrews, famed orthopedic surgeon.

RandBall: In your non-expert, non-medical opinion, what do you think is wrong with Brett Favre’s arm and shoulder?
James Andrews, not the famed orthopedic surgeon: First of all, non-expert and non-medical are very subjective terms. Torn biceps tendon. Or he’s faking it because he doesn’t want to do mini-camps, training camp or preseason games. He wants to play, but he doesn’t like to practice. He knows that being hurt is the only excuse he can give Chilly to get out of that stuff, so he is. This isn’t his first rodeo, he has run a West Coast offense for nearly 20 years, and it’s unnecessary and contrived. It’s like taking a prostitute out for a seafood dinner.

RB: If it was up to you, would you recommend surgery or natural treatment at this point?
JANTFOS: Apparently, he had the same thing happen to his non-throwing shoulder and that healed. I would recommend for him to stop being a [redacted], rub a little dirt on it and be a man. COME ON FAVRE! PURPLE PRIDE!

RB: Tearing a biceps tendon sounds like it would hurt, doesn’t it?
JANTFOS: Yes it does. On a scale of butterfly kisses to open heart surgery without undergoing general anesthesia, I would rate it right around a girl in high heels stepping on your foot at a bar. You’re drunk, so it doesn’t hurt much that night, but the next day you can barely walk.

RB: Again, I know you’re not a doctor, but could you pinpoint a date by which you think Favre would be healthy enough to play?
JANTFOS: Favre will be ready one week before the Vikes’ final preseason game. Whichever date that is.

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