By Michael Rand
Name: Chris Hinton
Claim to Fame, Minnesota: played guard for the Purple and his former coach at Northwestern, Dennis Green, in 1994 and 1995. It is not known how much money the Minnesota Twins were compensated for the Vikings’ use of their trademarked “Acquire a Past-His-Prime Veteran” maneuver.
Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: was a 7-time Pro Bowl selection, six of those with the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts received Hinton from the Denver Broncos in the John Elway trade. For those looking to clutter their brains with more trivia, the other pieces the Colts received in the acquisition were Mark Herrmann and Denver’s 1st-round pick in 1984, which they did not use on Keith Millard or Wilber Marshall. Advantage: Denver.
Where He Is Now: is the proprietor of Hinton’s Wine Store in suburban Atlanta. As this 2007 Sports Illustrated article notes, he caught the wine bug upon entering the NFL, and once split a $3,000 bottle of Chateau Latour with former Bear Dave Duerson. Put into Strib terms, this is just like when Rand and LaVelle went halfsies on a box of Franzia from the Liquor Depot (RIP). [Proprietor note: Still waiting for our three bucks from III].
Glorious Randomness: the following words appear in Hinton’s Wikipedia entry: “His favorite band is L7.” Either this is true, and Hinton is a former NFL Pro Bowler/purveyor of fine wines/aficionado of ’90s female grunge acts, or it’s complete bunk. My money’s on the latter, but I’m rooting for the former, because that makes Chris Hinton a true Renaissance man. Regardless, enjoy Pretend We’re Dead, everybody. [Proprietor note: Or Andres, as we prefer].