Stu’s Hunt Down: Dimitrius Underwood (10th anniversary edition)
Posted on July 30th, 2009 – 9:59 AMBy Michael Rand
Stu checks in with one of his finest Hunt Down efforts. Please note that if you still have some commenting to do on the previous post, don’t let us stop you. We’re going to be away from the computer for a few hours and wanted to give this post its due. Stu?
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Name: Dimitrius Underwood
Claim to Fame, Minnesota: I think Denny Green, for all his well-documented faults, gets a bad rap from Vikings fans. He was the second-best coach in Vikings history, consistently got his teams into the playoffs, and played drums on KARE’s The Dennis Green Show, which just seems even more surreal now than it did at the time. Imagine Andy Reid doing that. Imagine ANY NFL coach doing that.
However, the haters aren’t without their reasons. This Sunday marks the 10th anniversary of Dimitrius Underwood’s first and only practice with the Minnesota Vikings. Underwood, as you may remember, was the second of the Vikings’ two first-round picks in 1999, one that Green, in his capacity as personnel director, lobbied for and one that was considered a reach by many. Underwood showed up for the first day of camp in fatigues, ready to go to war and make us all forget that the Falcons drafted future Pro Bowler Patrick Kerney with the next pick. The inclusion of the second half of the preceding sentence indicates that this did not happen.
The rest of the strange, sad story: Underwood went AWOL after all of one practice, hitchiked to the airport, and disappeared. He was tracked down days later by the Strib’s Paul McEnroe in a Philadelphia hotel lobby, with $8 in his pocket and tormented about his future. That future would not include the Vikings, who released the 29th-overall pick in that year’s draft soon thereafter. This episode, along with the Korey Stringer tragedy, the Koren Robinson incident, and the case of Keith Millard v. Drive-Thru, serves as confirmation that nothing good can ever come out of going to Mankato.
Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: seekers of redeeming personal narratives, look elsewhere. After his release, Underwood was picked up by the Dolphins, injured in a preseason game, attempted suicide, released by the Dolphins, picked up by the Cowboys, played 19 games for them, attempted suicide again, released by the Cowboys, charged with robbing a man in a wheelchair, found incompetent to stand trial, and unsuccessfully attempted a comeback in the CFL in 2005. If you hadn’t already guessed, Dimitrius Underwood suffers from bipolar disorder.
Wildly Inappropriate Metaphor About a Suicidal Player: in this July 2000 Peter King article, a Cowboys staffer is asked about the Underwood’s chances to make the team. The quote: “Gun to my head, I think he’ll make the team.”
Where He Is Now: more than a few internet sources that I’ve never heard of prior to writing this say that as of 2007, Underwood is in “the unit for the mentally disturbed” at the Philadelphia Industrial Correctional Center. Take that with the requisite grain of salt.
Glorious Randomness: you can download the music of Dennis Green and the Sunset Music Band at his website. But you probably knew that already.
Talk Amongst Yourselves: was Underwood a bigger bust than Troy Williamson? Do either of them compare to Tony Mandarich or Ki-Jana Carter? Where are the worst speed traps on 169? And why would you ever go to Mankato?
32 Responses to "Stu’s Hunt Down: Dimitrius Underwood (10th anniversary edition)"
I would put Underwood and Williamson on the same level of bust. One of them lasted only one practice and we wish the other had done the same.
If I am to believe the news, people go to Mankato to drink themselves to death. They have even gone so far as to erect a statue of Ben Sanderson in the center of the Minnesota State Mankato campus.
“the unit for the mentally disturbed”
That’s on Joker’s business card.
“was Underwood a bigger bust than Troy Williamson?”
Push.
“Do either of them compare to Tony Mandarich”
No.
“Ki-Jana Carter?”
Yes.
“Where are the worst speed traps on 169?”
St. Peter, no question.
“And why would you ever go to Mankato?”
Hard liquor is sold at Maverick hockey games.
Williamson was a bigger bust, he showed how bad he was in games.
But not as big as Mandarich, who liked sticking needles in his butt.
Much bigger than Carter, injuries don’t equal bust.
I agree St. Peter is horrendous and the worst speed trap, but don’t underestimate the area between Shakopee and Jordan.
Where are the worst speed traps on 169?
I drove there twice a week for a school year as well as many weekends other years and I only ever got hit coming out of Belle Plaine.
Williamson was a bigger bust, as we actually had to see him drop passes.
Not even close to Mandarich or Carter.
169 speed traps…St Peter is tough. Although it’s technically Hwy 60, Lake Crystal can only be driven through on cruise control at 50.
Mankato has some decent bars. Pub 500 and Blue Bricks are ok. I’ll sadly admit Mankato has replaced St. Cloud as my smaller town to visit friends in.
I didn’t know Underwood was manic depressive….
His career actually makes some sense, now.
I am pretty sure the Green Giant has photo camera radar in it so be careful near Blue Earth.
Stu-
I am certainly hoping that this will be a regular feature.
Wildly Inappropriate Metaphor About a Suicidal Player:
Nice Wenger Physical Therapy T-shirt. That kid is probably from LeHillier.
Given their circumstances and draft positions, T-Will was a far more egregious pick. Underwood (29) lost his mind while Williamson (7) seemingly lost the one skill–catching a football–he was drafted for.
“Where are the worst speed traps on 169?”
There are two massive gas stations near the Chaska exit. The speed limit drops rather suddenly but signage is totally lacking. Plus, the mustaches on the Scott County Highway Patrol make their living being unconscionable [redacted]. Not sure if I spelled unconscionable right but if I failed I’m sure HincklyNotHinkley will correct me.
“was the second of the Vikings’ two first-round picks in 1999″
Everyone likes to point out that we botched the draft by drafting Daunte Culpepper instead of Jevon Kearse. I like to look at is as we could have been stuck with Cade McNown, right Jama?
“Was Underwood a bigger bust than Troy Williamson?”
No. We actually had to pay Troy Williamson.
“Much bigger than Carter, injuries don’t equal bust.”
Doesn’t being dropped on your head as a child or your mother drinking while pregnant count as an injury?
“Gun to my head, I think he’ll make the team.”
Ah the Cowboys. Suicidal? We’ll take em. Drug Dealer? No problem. Just got out of jail? We’ll give it a shot. But a current player with mental issues on their roster? We’ll just trade him to the Vikings.
Qdoba > Chipotle
Discuss…
Qdoba is definitely more creative than Chipotle.
Whether it’s better or not is subjective.
That said, their Mexican Gumbo (i.e. burrito fillings covered in a spicy soup) is [redacted] awesome.
Also, Burrito Loco gets some credit for making the buffalo chicken quesadilla a reality.
Chipotle is obviously better at making burritos. The main difference is that Chipotle’s rice is 10x better than Qdoba’s. For some reason Chipotle is very reluctant to add anything to their menu, i.e. Nachos.
Thank you Stu for always coming up with great “Hunt Down’s”. I thoroughly enjoy them. Could someone refresh my memory about the Keith Millard/drive-thru incident?
If Boston gets Victor Martinez, do we still have to rush to sign Mauer? I’d find out if the rumor is true, but I am not an “insider.”
Also, if he goes there my AL central only fantasy team takes a huge hit. I already lost Cliff Lee.
Newbie
Martinez is a below average catcher. The Red Sox would move him to first and have Mauer catch. Plus I think about 20 other teams would love to sign Mauer, so yes the Twins should have signed him to an extension last year.
Who will ante up more the Twins or the Evil Empires?
newbie-
Since it’s kinda open mic night, and as far as I know you’re the only other south of the river randballer, I wouldn’t mind a quick rundown of your favorite non-chain restaurants* in the Eagan/Rosemount/Apple Valley/Lakeville area. I’m hungry, and reading about food makes me happy.
*Pre-baby, of course. You’re probably not eating out a lot right now.
CS-
Enjoy is nice, but I have found it overpriced for just “good” food. Nice Atmosphere.
Newbile is a big fan of El Azteca
Granite City Has some good microbrews.
Bonfire has good beer can chicken.
But you can’t beat the Legion’s hot dog/brat stand outside of Von Hanson’s on weekends.
jama-
I know, I was just kind of hoping that Mauer’s agent would panic and sign quick.
Speaking of open mic night, I’m fascinated by the WWE’s latest marketing scheme, in which Vince lets a different “celebrity” guest-host RAW. I’m hopeful that this desperate move means viewers are finally moving away from a sport* that objectifies women and knowingly allows its performers to kill themselves with PEDs (insert MLB joke here). Here’s the dynamic list of guest hosts:
Seth Green (promoting “Robot Chicken”)
ZZ Top (promoting facial hair wellness)
Shaq-Fu (promoting himself)
Next week: Jeremy Piven ( no doubt promoting “The Goods”)
The ZZ Top choice is just random, but what about Piven? Has “Entourage” eroded so badly that he needs to partner with Mr. McMahon to sell his movie (which looks awful, by the way)?
*Wrestling is a sport because Brandon said so.
newbie - my stomach thanks you for your quick response. If you have a chance to list your favorite burger & pizza places in the same region, my stomach will be fully satisfied and probably go out back by the dumpsters for a cigarette.
latte - in my opinion, the HBO shows currently running new episodes are pretty bad. My wife looked at me in the middle of Entourage last week and said “Why the {redacted} are we still watching this?” Sunday nights with the Sopranos and Deadwood used to be great. Now I gotta settle for True Blood, Hung, and Entourage? I can’t do it anymore.
The last decent movie Piven headlined was PCU and really that was probably only good in my “state of mind”.
Entourage has quickly gone downhill. But really how many sitcoms continue at a high level for more than 3 or 4 years? Although I’m really looking forward to It’s Alwalys Sunny premiering Sept. 17th.
Clarence:
When you bring up “Deadwood,” probably my all-time favorite show, it hurts my heart.
Jama:
Piven can’t carry a movie, but he does have some nice credits on his IMDB resume, including “RockNRolla,” “Old School,” “Black Hawk Down,” “Very Bad Things,” and “Grosse Pointe Blank.” And he was part of the classic Gas N’ Sip scene in “Say Anything.” Just sayin’.
latte-
Deadwood is definitely my favorite show ever. I still cannot decide if I am happy it ended while it was still good, or sad that it ended so abruptly.
Could technically be a chain, and may require you to be an employee, but the outdoor grill at Thomson Reuters is pretty good. Rib tips.
CS
I’m in the middle of watching season 5 of Entourage, should I stop watching now or have the first couple of episodes of season 6 been an improvement over the last couple of seasons?
jama - in my humble opinion, Season 6 is treading water, at best. If you’re ok with Season 5, keep watching. But if you’re fed up, stop now. Nothing has changed. Instead of E trying to get out of Vince’s shadow, it’s Turtle. Hijinx ensue, waitresses get banged, but nothing has really improved.
Clarence,
Pizza and Burger joints eh? I haven’t found any I am too excited about.
But if you wanna stop over this weekend and help me put in a paver walkway, I’ll order up a few different pizzas for ya! I don’t know why, but I assume you would be good at that.
fasola- Pretty sure if I tried to get in there I would be shot on site. The place looks imposing to me.
newbie - I got this thing, um, with the people, um, you know. Actually i’ll be on the St. Croix - i’ve never been, but it sounds like fun. Thanks for the offer. I haven’t lived up there for a while, but the most popular pizza with my friends and family is Ole Piper in Apple Valley, Reno’s in Rosemount, and the new Carbone’s in Rosemount. They may be worth a try if you haven’t already. I’m definitely not an expert on paver walkways. I put in a few when I worked for a landscaper and if your marriage can survive this project you’re home free. Just joshing, I don’t think it’s that bad, have fun.
ADHD thread. Right up my alley.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BUSTER RHYMES? HE IS UP THERE IN THE BGI BUST DEPARTMENT.
