Aimless Rants

Homework question: The faces of Twin Cities sports

Thursday, February 1st, 2007

A little more than two years ago, this market had:

Randy Moss; Daunte Culpepper; Kevin Garnett; Torii Hunter. You could make an argument that they were the four most visible athletes here – the “faces” of our pro sports market. The first two faces are obviously gone. The third could in two weeks or sometime during the offseason via trade. The fourth might only have a year left here based on his contract. So the question: If you had to rank the “faces” of this market as we stand, in 2007, and you subtracted those four names, what would your list look like? Here’s our top three, and it’s telling:

1. Johan Santana: This year’s Cy Young pushed him over the top, though he’s still somehow a little under-appreciated.

2. Joe Mauer: He’s from St. Paul, you know.

3. Justin Morneau: MVP, can’t argue with that.

Marian Gaborik hasn’t done enough and isn’t “kQuestion_Mark2.jpgnown” enough. Take KG out of the equation, and who is the face of the Timberwolves? Ricky Davis? Randy Foye? Whoever they got in return? And look at the Vikings. Is there any one player with whom people identify? Many of their highest-paid players are on the offensive line. Kevin Williams? Steve Hutchinson? Antoine Winfield? Are any of them really the “faces” of the team — players a fan can latch onto?

Your thoughts, please.

It was a little hard to come up with insults

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007

But apparently the celebrity roast of LeBron James went off without a hitch Sunday night. This article includes some of the jokes and digs, but we really can’t imagine making fun of LeBron. We would have been like, “LeBron is so talented at basketball that when he goes up for a windmill dunk, he barely ever misses.” Or: “LeBron has so much money, that I bet he buys a whole bunch of cool stuff.” Really, who’s next on the celebrity roast circuit? Tiger Woods? Roger Federer? Which reminds us, we know who could emcee the latter: The author of this little ditty called “Five reasons why Roger Federer is rubbish.” Seriously, Tim Colebatch, what’s your next top five list? ”Five reasons I don’t enjoy a cool glass of lemonade on a hot summer day.” Reason No. 1: It’s too delicious. Reason No. 2: It’s completely and utterly refreshing. And so on.

Blogging for you from an undisclosed location (update)

Wednesday, January 24th, 2007

Yes, we had to bring the car in to have the window fixed. It would have happened anyway, but still the dollar menu just turned into the hundred dollar menu. But enough about that. We’re at the dealership right now. They have Internet here. It’s like being at the office, except here there’s free English toffee cappuccino. We’re wondering if they’d mind if we just showed up every day.

In any event, we came across a huge slap in the face for the Vikings fans out there. ESPN has ranked the 80 all-time Super Bowl teams. That’s right, 40 winners and 40 losers. And coming in at No. 78, just third from the bottom? The 2000 New York Giants. That’s right, a team that defeated the Vikings by a scant 41 points in the NFC title game has been deemed the third-worst Super Bowl team of all time. Maybe that’s why the Vikings were the road favorite in that game. Unbelievable. We won’t ruin the list if you haven’t seen it, but just know the undefeated 1972 Dolphins? No. 7. Guess they’ll have to keep the champagne corked on that one.

Update: Thanks to RandBall nation for this link to ESPN’s top 10 non-Super Bowl teams. Let’s just say the 1998 Vikings are high on the list. Very high. Like about as high as you can get without playing for the 2004 Portland Trailblazers.

This could turn into an expensive dollar menu trip

Wednesday, January 24th, 2007

OK, this has relatively nothing to do with sports, and we really hate when people do this, but we just have to share a little story about karma, finances and McNuggets. OK, everyone has heard by now that the six-piece McNuggets are on the dollar menu (for a limited time, those heartless souls). We rarely eat fast food because, well, it’s terrible for the body. But it is delicious, and sometimes we have a hankering for McNuggets. So yesterday we skipped breakfast and hit the drive-thru against our better judgment, to order an undisclosed number of six-piece McNuggets. And ever since then, we’ve been punished.

1. They didn’t put any bbq sauce in the bag. That’s crucial to the nugget enjoyment process. But unlike a 3-0 pitch being called a strike, apparently it’s not automatic. That’s silly.

2. We rolled down the window to make the money-for-McNugget transaction, and now it won’t roll back up. Seriously. These are power windows without power. That’s a problem, and it’s been more than a day now. It’s cold. It might need mechanical attention, which will cost significantly more than a dollar.

3. Said window problem should have resulted in a parking ticket yesterday, when we inadvertently left the car parked at a meter outside the Star Tribune for 4 hours instead of 30 minutes. Somehow, someway, we didn’t get a ticket. Maybe we’ve suffered enough.

4. Let’s tie this all together by saying we believe a higher power was trying to tell us that despite their delicious nature, our guilty pleasure of McNuggets is wrong and we should have trusted our healthier instincts. (One six-piece McNuggets wouldn’t be so bad. But again, we had an undisclosed number of them). In general, when you make a decision against your better judgment, it will always come back to haunt you. There are several Twin Cities sports examples that come to mind. Feel free to compile a list in the comments. (And sorry about the rant. Once every two months. We promise).

Sadly, ESPN has not employed “Joe Talent”

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

That was our initial, giddy hope when we saw the teaser off the homepage reading, “Talent: Surprise exit.” We thought, “What a fantastic name, and what a terrific break for some lucky man or woman to have it.” We were terribly eager to read Talent’s take on the Bill Parcells story. But then we clicked the link, and things went downhill fast. Turns out “Talent” is a collective term used to describe Sean Salisbury, Joe Theismann and Co., who all answered “Five Burning Questions.” (Not to be confused with Michael Vick/Ron Mexico’s five burning sensations). Not only was it not someone named Talent, but it was a very loose definition of the world “talent.”

But it did spark an idea for a fun mid-morning game: If you could choose one name (a la Homer Simpson’s “Max Power”) that you thought could change your life, what would it be?

(And sorry, we call dibs on Handsome B. Wonderful).