The good people over at The Smoking Gun have the details of how Falcons QB Michael Vick tried to sneak marijuana onto an airplane in a sealed compartment of a water battle; not only that, they have a copy of the police report. We’re pretty sure, almost 100 percent, that the weed in question — sorry, the “dark particulate” with a “pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana” — was either for Vick’s glaucoma or for his cousin. Surely, we’ll here both sides of that story at some point.

Seriously, if there is any sort of video of this out there, it would be the greatest thing ever. Apparently, Kwame Brown took a man’s birthday cake and threw it at him. We’re not sure why. We’re not sure how. We just know that we want to see it. Oh, and reliable sources have confirmed that during Notre Dame’s 195th 9th consecutive bowl loss this year, TV cameras found a fan in the stands who appeared to have urinated in his trousers. If you have access to the broadcast of this game, Youtube and RandBall are waiting for you.

There’s a story circulating that Ted Ginn Sr. told his son not to re-enter last Monday’s BCS title game in order to protect his draft status against further injury. Having been around sports long enough, this sort of parental involvement never surprises us. However, we must note: It has in no way been verified as fact. And furthermore: We’re not sure how bailing on your teammates in the biggest game of your life would enhance your draft status. But then again, we don’t get a lot of things. Like, for instance, why a gallon of milk is more expensive than a gallon of gas. Powerful cow cartels?

… and when you come out the other end, Eddie Griffin has a five-game drug suspension. It’s not a big deal basketball-wise — Griffin hasn’t exactly been playing meaningful minutes this year — but again, not exactly good PR for the Timberwolves. As for Griffin, he’ll have plenty of time on his hands … er, we mean … just … walk … away.

Barry Bonds said he didn’t get his illicit drugs from Mark Sweeney, which was nice of him. He did not, however, deny a report that indicated he tested positive for amphetamines.

Too bad, he would have looked good in purple: Chiefs tight end Tony Gonzalez has signed a five-year extension to say with Kansas City.

A meter is a size: Yao, the big Rockets center, denied an internet report that he has dated 5-foot-2 actress Nia Long. And he did it in classic style: “I saw the news on Internet. The writer is so good at hoaxes. She’s only 1.57m. I’m 2.26m. Does it sound reasonable?”