You’ve known him as “just” a commenter. Now you know him as the Commenter Of the Week. A pretty impressive bullet point on any resume, we must say. Ladies and gentlemen, step up to the table for a piping hot bowl of Stu:

If you watched the Shimmer Floor Wax & Dessert Topping Cotton Bowl on New Year’s Day, you heard the dulcet, gin-soaked tones of Pat Summerall covering the game.  God, it was good.  Yes, he’s lost quite a bit off his fastball, and he sounds like he could just bellow “Emmitt SMITH!” at any given moment, but still.  It’s Pat Summerall.  The voice that let you know, every Sunday, that this was the game of the week.  In the blessed/cursed season of 1998, he and Madden seemingly broadcast every other Vikings game.  It was glorious, until it wasn’t anymore.

Which is why I think it’s time that we looked at the most alarming side effect of the Vikings’ continued mediocrity-to-outright-suckitude: the Fox announcers.  Now, say what you will about Joe “Disgusting Act” Buck, but he’s tolerable when he’s not getting his schoolmarm on, and Aikman is solid.  The catch, of course, is that your team has to be decent or in the NFC East to get the Fox “A” team.  The dropoff after that?  Oy.

It’s gotten so bad that I have this recurring dream that Sam Rosen and Bill Maas will show up at my house one weekend and broadcast me doing laundry:

Sam: Well, it looks like Stu’s going to start with the whites, Bill.
Bill:  Risky call by Stu, there, Sam.  You don’t want to get any bright colors mixed in with the whites.  But that’s just how Stu does the laundry, Sam.  It’s a gunslinger’s mentality, how he does laundry, and that’s how he’s always been.
Sam: Boy, you said it! And it’s what he told us last night at dinner, right?
Bill: Yep.  Just sort ‘em and wash ‘em, full speed ahead.  He’s the ultimate launderer, that guy.  Heckuva golfer, too.

So, please, Vikings.  Be good again.  I can’t take much more of this.

We have to admit: We were a little nervous about this whole guest post concept for the Commenter Of the Week (COW) when we first decided to give it a whirl. But it just might work out. Rocket has met the submission deadline, and he has given you a reason, for a second consecutive day here at RandBall, to get completely worked up about the Vikings. Here are his words:

Clearly yesterday’s discussion revealed a schism in Vikings fandom as it concerns the team and its leadership. While differences continue to exist among Vikings fans everywhere, this is not a time for division and anger. As a new year approaches, this should be a time for unity and renewal. And the one thing all Vikings fans can agree upon is that this team ruthlessly, ceaselessly and outrageously breaks our hearts every stinking year.

While the heartbreak is an annual event, some years are worse than others. Apparently, this has been a particularly difficult year for many fans. However, I submit that each one of us has one particular game that stands out above the rest as the one time the Vikings managed to most brutally rip your heart out of your chest and show it to you as another Vikings game painfully died in defeat.

The game that sticks out in my mind is the 1987 NFC Championship game. Because of scab players, a good Vikings team managed to only barely sneak into the playoffs. I was 12 back then and at a pivotal moment. I was ready to give up on the Vikings before they made their magical run. Had they been decent enough to lose to New Orleans or San Francisco, I might have been able to write them off forever. But they didn’t, and when Darrin Nelson dropped that pass against Washington, I dropped to the floor of my grandparents’ living room and almost started to cry.

So that’s my story. What about you, other Vikings fans? Despite (or perhaps because of?) some serious quirkiness among you all — Local Quipster’s right-wing rantings, SuperRookie’s slightly disturbing devotion, and Sassbottom’s clear hatred of his life come to mind — I am really curious. How did the Vikings break your heart?

SuperRookie was the winner of our first Commenter Of the Week award. Let his words gently caress you:

I have a lot of pressure on my shoulders right now. I feel like  a highly touted first-round draft pick. If I screw this up, I might go down as the only COW to ever grace RandBall. That’s a lot of pressure.

Unlike Len Bias and Dimitrius Underwood, I actually decided to show up and play in this little game. I don’t plan on being the next Donyell Marshall or Rasho Nesterovic. Come to think of it, they never wanted to be failures, either, so I guess I’m pretty much screwed.

I won’t bore you with my thoughts on last night’s game. But I will bore you with the following:

1) I would like to point out the Gophers football team signed six recruits from junior college but failed to sign a kicker. Does the coaching staff realize that this team needs a new kicker? Do they remember the multiple times this season that an extra point was missed? Seriously.

2) On an unrelated topic, as a pretend bike racer, I would like to give an update on Adam Bergman. He was the local pro cyclist on the fast track to Europe before he tested positive for EPO. Like a man, he came clean and recently signed with an American pro team. He still has a way to go, but it is nice to know someone was willing to give him another chance. Everyone deserves another chance, and I wish all the luck to Adam — but more importantly to all the future winners of COW.

Even if I screwed this up, I find solace in knowing that even Luc Longley became a champion.

More pearls of college basketball wisdom from men’s basketball beat writer Jeff Shelman, who notes in rather self-congratulatory fashion that the three games he steered you towards last night were decided by a total of five points:

One to watch: Illinois vs. Missouri (8 p.m., ESPN, in St. Louis) — It’s called the Braggin’ Rights Game. Half the place will be orange and blue, the other half will be black and gold. And the Kiel Center/Savvis Center/Scottrade Center is the only arena this writer has ever been where fans can get a shot of Jagermeister in the councourse. By the way, the Illini have won six in a row in this series.

Two to track: Loyola (Ill.) at Bradley: Loyola was the preseason pick to win the Horizon League. Bradley has been better than expected after Blaine native Patrick O’Bryant left for the NBA; Montana at Oral Roberts: Here are two teams that could very well get into the NCAA tournament. Oral Roberts has a key victory at Kansas but is only 4-5 for the season.

Jeff Shelman, the Star Tribune’s men’s college basketball beat writer, checks in to dispense some knowledge. You listen to him. He knows about hoops, and he knows where you live. Stay off of his lawn!

One to watch in the world of college hoops tonight: No. 14 Oklahoma State at Tennessee (6 p.m., ESPN2). The Cowboys are undefeated; Bruce Pearl’s Vols have two losses, but they came to Butler and North Carolina.

Two others to track: Missouri State at St. Louis — Very good game between two schools that reside in the world between mid-major and high-major. North Dakota State at Colorado State — Another big test for the plucky Bison. Colorado State has won six in a row since early losses to Baylor and Rice. Here’s a name to remember: Jason Smith. The NBA scouts like Colorado State’s 7-foot junior. He’s averaging 17.4 points and 10.2 rebounds per game.