NFL commish Roger Goodell hopes it’s nobody. He called team president Mike Brown this week with an offer to help the Bengals solve their problems with the law: An astonishing eight Cin-city players have been arrested this season. Will there be a ninth? Well, we’re not about to lay odds, but we will say this: Quarterback Carson Palmer hosts something called the Cornhole Classic (cornhole is a popular bean bag toss game in Ohio. No, seriously.) Vikings fans should know how these little community events can turn out. On top of that, he’s apparently a fan of Kevin Federline’s music. So really, nothing involving Palmer would shock us.

The Bears defense/special teams has been among the most consistent performers on my strong but streaky fantasy football team, Goose With A Beer. Let me paint a picture for you: I’m trailing by 9 points going into Monday Night Football in a first-round playoff match-up. I have the Bears and St. Louis kicker Jeff Wilkins, who picked a nice night to do his best Scott “Missin” Sisson impression. Devin Hester, with his two kickoff returns for TDs, saved the day. Not only that: The owner of the team I was trailing called right before the second TD wondering about tie-breaker scenarios. No need for that, Taco. This is not a fantasy football blog — Chris Carr adeptly handles that here with The Fantasy Reality — but last night’s game probably broke a few hearts and won a few games. I’ll indulge you just this once. Share your stories.