This is how we Stu it. Stu?

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Name: Chuck Person

Nickname: The Rifleman. This was not because of his propensity to shoot, but rather his mother naming him Chuck Connors Person after the star of old school TV’s The Rifleman. You were too young to watch that show in your mother’s basement, but you no doubt enjoyed the hard-boiled gravitas he brought to Airplane 2.

Claim to Fame, Minnesota: the Timberwolves acquired Person in 1992, along with Micheal Williams’ plantar fascia, for Sam Mitchell and Pooh Richardson. In his time here, he somehow failed to click with Christian Laettner, calling him out in the media more than once.

Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: was the NBA Rookie of the Year in 1987. I did not remember that. I did remember that he and Charles Barkley were teammates on a very potent Auburn team back in 1984. In addition, he made the mistake of trash-talking Larry Bird in 1991: “Bird told Person before a game that he had a present for him. In the fourth quarter, after hitting a clutch 3-pointer, Bird turned to Person, who was seated on the Pacers’ bench, and said, ‘Merry Christmas.’”

Where He Is Now: was most recently an assistant coach for the Sacramento Kings before being fired in December 2008. [Proprietor note: Shouldn’t have hitched his wagon to Hang Time].

Glorious Randomness: it being the internet, of course there’s a YouTube tribute to Chuck Person. It being the internet, of course it’s soundtracked by Kris Kross.

[Note: That Flickr image is apparently a Chuck Person bobblehead doll making an appearance at some sort of Chick-fil-A-themed press conference].

Every week Stu delights you with a Hunt Down of a former Twin Cities sports personality. And every week, we try to find an image to match. Business in front, party in the back. Carry on. Stu?

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Name: Brian Harper

Claim to Fame, Minnesota: catcher, Minnesota Twins. Known for his above-average bat and below-average defense, which isn’t uncommon in baseball, but is the reverse of “Twins baseball,” which means you can kill any number of rallies so long as you throw the occasional runner out at second. (See also: Tom Nieto, Mark Salas, Tim Laudner, Junior Ortiz.) That said, he had some notable defensive moments, such as blocking the plate to prevent “Lonnie [redacted] Smith” (copyright Michael Rand) from scoring in the ’91 World Series, and a tremendous diving catch of a popped-up bunt at Oakland that made me and everyone else at Waterman’s in Lake City, Minnesota, debate whether we had just seen that. Aaron Gleeman makes a convincing case that his defense wasn’t all that bad. In addition, his tasty mustache/mullet combo gets a Clutchosity Index rating of .38 Special.

Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: as Wiki notes, Harper had the best strikeout per at-bat ratio during his years in the American League, which shouldn’t surprise those who remember his knack for getting hits from an 0-2 count. Is also a notable fan of Jesus.

Where He Is Now: a catching instructor in the Giants organization, which must drive Tom Kelly nuts.

Glorious Randomness: Harper’s played his last professional game for the Tacoma Rainiers, the Mariners’ Triple-A affiliate. The Rainiers, as you no doubt know, are owned in part by Nick Lachey, who is responsible for this. Stay out of it, Nick Lachey.

Proprietor note: “Business Up Front/Party in the Back” is also the name of a debut album by Christian rock group Family Force 5, which is probably nothing like the Fox Force Five. It is possible Brian Harper celebrates their entire catalog.

Possible discussion topic: Other notable good offense/bad defense Twin Cities athletes?

Best Hunt Down Ever? (And really, we can’t believe we were able to find that picture). Stu, take it away, you magnificent [redacted].

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The Huntdown
Name: Russell Shimooka
Claim to Fame, Minnesota: sportscaster for KARE in the mid-‘90s. Notable for his over-the-top delivery of the day’s highlights and hilarious mangling of the names of random Minnesota cities. I recall him having a bear of a time with Wanamingo. Of course, as C.J. amply noted at the time, some of the criticism was of the non-hilarious racial variety (Shimooka’s Asian-American), with bonus death threats as well.

Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: I’m relating this from my attorney JB, who was an undergrad at Miami when Shimooka was working for Miami’s WFOR. Apparently, there was another sportscaster at the station with a surname of Shwartz, and he and Shimooka were advertised as “The Shports Guys.” No, really. They would also do Good Sports-esque live shots where they would attempt inline skating, parasailing, etc. JB swears that on one of the bits, Shimooka managed to break his arm on live TV. I couldn’t find video of it, but I think this is a close approximation. Your move, Rosen.

Where He Is Now: back in his native Hawaii. If this comment thread on a random right-wing political blog is to be believed, things have been a little rocky for Russell of late. This being anonymous internet chatter, standard grain of salt rates apply.

Glorious Randomness: for all the criticism directed his way, Russell Shimooka has been on Magnum, P.I. You have not. Advantage: Shimooka.

For Discussion: “Darren” Doogie Wolfson recently gave us his take on the best and worst local television sports personalities for the Strib. Leave your thoughts in comments, but know that nobody holds a candle to Ed Karow.

[Proprietor note: The best/worst was tackled in radio version by Rocket a year ago, though it was deemed TOO HOT TO PRINT by us. Shows what we know. Also: Enough about Shimooka … lead us straight to those skateboards with pizazz!].

Stu wants you to know more about Wade Wilson. That’s right, pal, I said four! And don’t skimp, either!

Stu?

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The Huntdown
Name: Wade Wilson
Nickname: My dad always called him “Whiskey.” He also had “C. W. Wilson” on the back of his jersey when the Vikings fielded their ill-advised all-Wilson team in 1986.

Claim to Fame, Minnesota: quarterback, Minnesota Vikings, 1981-1991. Whenever Tommy Kramer threw consecutive incompletions, Wade Wilson was the most popular man in Minnesota. Kramer enjoyed the same honor when Wilson did likewise. Was the starting quarterback for one of the best games in Vikings history, and made the Pro Bowl in 1988. I don’t even want to talk about the Darrin Nelson game, so let’s move on.

Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: received his laminated Grizzled NFL Journeyman card (good for half-off appetizers at Red Robin and your own beer distributorship) with stints in Dallas, New Orleans, Atlanta and Oakland before retiring in 1998.

Where He Is Now: quarterbacks coach for the Dallas Cowboys. He made the news in 2007 when he was suspended and fined for violating the league’s banned substances policy. If you want to know the particulars of why a retired football player would become caught up in that, please note that the Deadspin story has a “Sproing!” tag.

Glorious Randomness: grew up in Commerce, TX, which is also the name of a nice and crunchy Ben Kweller song.

Stu is many things to many people (some would say he is a man who wears man hats, and yes that’s intentional this time). Today, he is timely. Stu?

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The Huntdown

Name: Jim McMahon

Claim to Fame, Minnesota: a past-his-prime, former divisional rival of the Purple, McMahon was a stopgap measure for a Vikings team that either couldn’t or wouldn’t develop a long-term answer at the quarterback position. Fortunately, that kind of thing will never happen again. McMahon did manage to compile an 8-4 record as the Vikings starter in 1993, with his biggest win coming against the Green Bay Packers, thanks to a last-minute heave to the immortal Eric Guliford. If I remember correctly, his arm fell off his body immediately after the throw.

Claim to Fame, Everywhere Else: was a legendary college quarterback at Brigham Young and entered the College Football Hall of Fame in 1999. However, he’s still not in the BYU Hall of Fame, which makes his dad all sorts of angry. Quotes like “Happiness was Provo in the rearview mirror” probably don’t help his son’s cause. In addition, McMahon’s omnipresent sunglasses and headband and reputation as a loose cannon made him one of the most recognizable players of his day. Also played for the Bears.

Where He Is Now: on the positive side of the ledger, he’s done some work with the USO and visited our troops overseas. On the negative side of the ledger, well, yeah. I don’t know if that’s more disturbing than Mike Ditka throwing the football through the tire, which is the kind of metaphor that will give you night terrors, but it’s up there. Also, visual evidence suggests he enjoys Coors Light, casinos and your Aunt Nancy’s scooter.

Glorious Randomness: here’s Eric Guliford’s Google profile, allegedly. His superpower is listed as his “ability to find a way or make a way,” but to be fair, everyone beat Terrell Buckley like a tin drum, not just him.