The Fresno Bee has a remarkable story about a woman who discovered she had a 139-year-old baseball card featuring the Cincinnati Red Stockings. The card is believed to be among the first ever produced; she tried to sell it on eBay for $10 before realizing what she had; estimates say it could be worth six figures. Crazy stuff. It reminded us of the days, oh, 20-25 years ago when our uncles turned us loose on all the old cards sitting in my grandparents’ basement. The rule was simple: anytime there were “doubles” (two or more of the same card), we got to keep one of them. That rule produced what was, for many years, our most prized possession: a Mike Schmidt rookie card. We’d like to say it was because of Schmidt’s tough stance against hard narcotics. Really, though, it was the fact that it was worth, for a while, several hundreds of dollars. Alas, all our cards were lost in the North Dakota flood of 1997. All we have to show now are memories and a question: were you a collector, and if so what was your prized sports card growing up?

We had a brief happy hour meeting with Local Quipster last night, and as usual it required him to hastily obtain a pen and a piece of paper (in this case a cocktail napkin) for a list. LQ, who “played the game,” is not sold on Tarvaris Jackson as the Vikings’ quarterback, to put it mildly. We tend to agree. Bottom line: the Vikings should not — nay, cannot — go into next season with the plan being T-Jack No. 1, some other ancient QB as the definite backup and Booty as the No. 3. Quarterback can’t continue to be a question mark position. So the two of us compiled a list of quarterbacks who would be both “possibly” available either via trade or free agency, and also desired. We came up with 16 names, then ranked them. Here is what both of us had:

1. RandBall: Donovan McNabb. Local Quipster: McNabb.
2. RB: Matt Cassel. LQ: Jeff Garcia.
3. RB: Garcia. LQ: Kerry Collins.
4. RB: Matt Hasselbeck. LQ: Brett Favre.
5. RB: Favre. LQ: Hasselbeck.
6. RB: Kurt Warner. LQ: Cassel.
7. RB: Collins. LQ: Warner.
8. RB: Marc Bulger. LQ: Byron Leftwich.
9. RB: Derek Anderson. LQ: Anderson.
10. RB: Sage Rosenfels. LQ: Bulger.
11. RB: Leftwich. LQ: Rosenfels.
12. RB: David Carr. LQ: Billy Volek.
13. RB: Daunte Culpepper. LQ: Carr.
14. RB: Volek. LQ: J.P. Losman.
15. RB: Losman. LQ: Culpepper.
16. RB: Rex Grossman. LQ: Grossman.

Obviously, several factors are in play. McNabb and Philly’s recent resurgence seems to make it unlikely the Eagles would deal him, even with Kevin Kolb waiting as the heir apparent. Cassel will likely be designated as a franchise player by New England, tying up nearly $30 million in QBs on that squad but giving the Patriots a year of insurance against Tom Brady’s knee injury. If Cassel was a non-exclusive franchise player, any team signing him away would have to give up a pair of No. 1 picks. That’s a lot to give up based on one good season. Garcia is a free agent and seemingly a good fit for the Vikings’ offense, but he also turns 39 in a month (if only Minnesota would have signed him two years ago …). Hasselbeck is intriguing, but there is no concrete evidence — just rumors — that Seattle would trade or cut him. Favre might retire. He might stay in New York. He might marry a buffalo. You just never know. Plenty of baggage, but playing in the Dome is still a better fit than the swirling winds of New York.

On and on. Such matters were, of course, factored into the list and debated endlessly. And now, we open the floor to you: What is your wish list, what is a realistic expectation, and what, ultimately, do you want to see out of the QB position next year?

We will start with some news that might shock you: only two teams in the NBA are hotter than the Timberwolves right now. Yes, you heard that right. Minnesota won its third consecutive game last night — its first three-game winning streak in almost two years — and only Detroit (seven consecutive victories) and Denver (four) can claim to be on a greater roll than that. With OKC on the docket tonight — at 5-30, the Thunder have the league’s worst record — Minnesota is in position to dream of a fourth consecutive victory. Remember, we will be charting Brian Cardinal’s every move tonight. It will be so intense that a restraining order will be the only logical result.

*Remember Joel Przybilla? Sure you do. Monticello kid. Former Gophers player. Butted heads with Dan Monson. Didn’t get along with KG. Well, he was fined $7,500 the other day for his role in an NBA fight. His grandmother, though, is going to ensure the fight lingers on. From the Oregonian, via Sports by Brooks (and sent in by Toonces51):

Remember the movie “Shawshank Redemption”, where Andy Dufresne wrote a letter every week to the state to get books for the prison library? Well, the same concept is underway with the grandmother of Blazers center Joel Przybilla. The octogenarian plans to write NBA commissioner David Stern a series of letters complaining about the $7,500 fine Przybilla received for his part in an altercation with New Orleans center Tyson Chandler on Friday. “She said she is going to keep writing Stern until she hears back from him,” Przybilla said smiling. “And believe me, she will.”

Update: The story has been advanced via intrepid reporting work by our own Paul Walsh.

*The LeBron James “crab dribble” saga (that’s apparently a real thing) wouldn’t have been nearly as funny without the Wizards players poking fun at it. Said Caron Butler: “Crab dribble’ is when you, uh, travel. That’s the hottest thing on the market right now.”

*And finally, the greatest thing ever. You might mock or doubt the crab dribble, but you should never do such a thing to The Bacon Explosion. Ingredients: 2 pounds thick cut bacon; 2 pounds Italian sausage; 1 jar of your favorite barbeque sauce; 1 jar of your favorite barbeque rub. Some of the key maneuvers: To kick off the construction of this pork medley you’ll need to create a 5×5 bacon weave. And: Now that you’re pork is well seasoned, it’s time to add more pork. Read the step-by-step instructions right here, complete with visual aids. Then tell us 1) how ridiculously delicious and unhealthy it looks and 2) what is the craziest, most delicious thing you have ever made for yourself?

Fasola-link! TV News music theme history.

From Reuters.com:

An Australian court has issued a blunt warning about the sexual predators a young driver faces in jail if he does not stop speeding, as authorities struggle to stop teenagers street racing.

“You’ll find big, ugly, hairy strong men (in jail) who’ve got faces only a mother could love that will pay a lot of attention to you — and your anatomy,” said Magistrate Brian Maloney.

The 19-year-old male appeared in Sydney’s Downing Center Court on Monday charged with driving without a license, failing to stop at a police alcohol check point and driving dangerously.

It was his third time before the courts for driving offences, prompting the magistrate’s warning he would be jailed next time.

Maloney barred the teenager from driving until 2013, placed him on a 12-month good behavior bond and ordered him to do 150 hours of community work.

Breaching any of these conditions would see the teenager jailed where he would “shower with the gorillas in the mist down at Long Bay jail,” said Maloney, his comments confirmed by the court on Tuesday.

The courts in Australia apparently don’t mess around. Perhaps they could give the same speech to Antoine Walker? We will leave you, too, with the Fasola-link that would have run 8 hours ago if it didn’t keep landing in our junk e-mail folder. Fasolamatt is not a junk peddler. Shame on Outlook. The gist of the link, at least as it pertains to newspapers in the mind of “digital guru” Clay Shirky: They are all heading on-line if they want to survive. Ha! That’ll be news to all the folks who still prefer to read the printed-out version of RandBall.

This has nothing to do with sports, as Stu noted when he sent the link, but a few things compel us to post it anyway. 1) An off-brand soda that the RBBH used in a “imagine the worst brand name you could every think of … and now look over there” joke at a gas station last night makes an appearance in the story. 2) It involves North Dakota. 3) Just read it (bold, as usual, is ours).

A Fargo man is suing the musical act Insane Clown Posse and its rapper Violent J after being injured while attending the band’s June 2007 concert.

John Antonelli is seeking at least $50,000 in damages in the lawsuit, which also names Playmakers, a venue now known as The Hub, as a defendant.

Antonelli was injured during the concert after Joseph Bruce – known as Violent J – threw an unopened two-liter bottle of soda into the crowd. The bottle struck Antonelli in his right eye, Cass County District Court documents state.

The band often sprays audiences with Faygo soda during shows, which are often attended by a group of fans that call themselves Juggalos.

The band has had legal trouble in the past. Both members were fined $200 in 1998 after getting into a fight with a customer at an Indiana Waffle House, according to Rolling Stone.

We don’t really have much to add except to say: Fargo. Faygo. It’s just one letter off. Could the largest city in North Dakota shed tradition, make a tiny typographical shift and suddenly start filling city coffers with promotional money? We say yes. That’s the motto for 2009: You can never be too proud.

And sorry about the sporadic posting. The Intermans have been broken here since about 2 p.m., and we’re posting this from the one outside internet access spot in the entire building. That, folks, is dedication to craft.