One of our favorite recent stories on Deadspin involves ex-NBA player Reggie Miller, who apparently hit on the wrong man’s woman (though the ongoing story suggests there are a lot of folks at fault here). The peeved man had that banner flown recently over some California beaches.

While a story of infidelity is not something to poke fun at, the story did get us thinking about how much fun airplane banners are in general. Do you ever NOT try to read one if you see one in the sky? Even if it’s just promoting laundry detergent, it’s a sight to behold.

We poked around on the Internet and found a site that indicated the cost of such a thing starts at around $590. We have to imagine it would go up if you wanted more people to see it (that price seemed to be for a special occasion like a proposal or birthday). So, let’s assume it would take some serious cash to get it prominently shown in a densely populated area. If you had that kind of money, what would you put on your banner and where would you want it flown?

Any Twins fan wringing his or her hands over Chicago’s acquisition of Alex Rios should instead take those hands and start clapping. Even if the move marginally helps the White Sox this season — and we’re hardly convinced it does — it certainly hamstrings the South-siders financially for years to come. Consider that Rios is owed close to $60 million over the next five seasons. Consider that Rios, 28, who should have stepped into the prime of his career after signing that huge contract in 2008, has instead regressed. He had an OPS of .798 last season, and that’s down to .744 this year. He has a little power and some speed. He is a nice player, but he’s making way more than he’s worth.

Also, in the short-term: with three outfielders — Scott Podsednik leading off, Jermaine Dye batting third, Carlos Quentin batting sixth — and Jim Thome DHing, where exactly is Rios supposed to play?

So why did Williams make the move? Well, to hear him talk, it sounds as if it was just gosh-darn fan excitement that pushed him over the edge (of sanity):

“Yeah, we’re out on a limb a little bit with the last two acquisitions, but what we’ve seen in recent games at home is our fans are starting to wrap their arms around this team,” Williams said. “People are getting excited about the possibility. I think they can see this team being a dangerous team when we get to the playoffs and match up against anyone.”

The fans like the White Sox, so Williams spends $60 million on a slightly above average second or third outfielder. As Deadspin noted, Williams was also ticketed for jaywalking on the same day — an offense that certainly qualifies as his least-embarrassing mistake Monday.

Look, we’re all a little grumpy. The big tomatoes in the backyard aren’t red yet, so we’re not getting as many BLTs as we would like, while the urchins have eaten all the raspberries. My favorite team just gave away its best pitcher to a division rival, and came to the sad realization that the pitcher in question was Carl Pavano. Your favorite team just picked up a starter to carry them to the top of the division, and came to the sad realization that the pitcher in question is Carl Pavano. The Vikings haven’t settled their quarterback situation yet, but at least they’re going to be better than the Browns. LeBron hasn’t left Cleveland yet, and Ricky Rubio hasn’t arrived yet. And no one (OK, one someone) cares about hockey.

So, let’s look at things that might cheer us up (photos from my cameraphone):

The ice cream truck. Big Daddy Drew (note that BDD drops the f-bomb more often than Scott Baker gives up dingers) ranked your potential selections 1-16 recently, and I’ve got to say he’s spot on, top to bottom, having conducted extensive primary research myself this summer. (C-Dog disagrees, and prefers flavors that turn his tongue unnatural colors).

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Drought means mowing the lawn less. Given that I have very little lawn to work with, and management’s construction of a backyard chicken coop in anticipation of peak oil and other calamities has reduced even t

hat, it’s been a great summer to not be sweaty. (Plus, I’m teaching A-Dog how to do it).

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Outdoor baseball next year. We got a taste this summer on our vacation, not to mention six weeks of two-nights-a-week tee-ball, and it’s left us wanting more.

Throw in that I’m starting up the home brewery again, and the fact that it’s five weeks until C-Dog starts kindergarten doesn’t look as bad as it otherwise might.

Questions to ponder:

A) Is there anything better than a chipwich that you can buy from a truck that cruises through your neighborhood?
B) What will be the best benefits of the end of cheap oil?
C) What do I brew first?

Smack dab in the middle of Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback column yesterday was this delicious little passage, passed along by a colleague (bold is ours for emphasis):

The troubled (Percy) Harvin, obviously, got investigated thoroughly before he was drafted out of the University of Florida in April. When Brad Childress went to Gainesville the week before the draft to meet Harvin and spend a day with him, he said he wanted Harvin to pick him up and drive him around. “I wanted to be in his car, and I wanted to smell the car,” Childress said. You know, for the pot smell. And he asked Harvin if he was aware that because of his marijuana experiences in college and for testing positive for pot at the Scouting Combine, he’d enter the NFL already in the NFL’s substance-abuse program. “You’ll be eligible to be tested up to 10 times a month,” Childress warned.

The mind is awash with thoughts:

*Imagining Childress sniffing Harvin’s car for “the pot smell.”

*Thinking about Harvin preparing to pick up Childress.

*Wondering what he was driving.

*Wondering what the two of them talked about.

*Thinking about the character red flags raised about someone if such a thing is necessary and if passing such a test is some sort of final draft clearance.

*Thinking about the QB situation, in terms of both Brett Favre and Tarvaris Jackson, and also thinking about Harvin. And now thinking about just how far Childress has put himself out there this year.

*Concluding, once again, that even without Favre this season will either be a spectacular success or a morbid failure, and it will be nice to not have a middle ground.

Your thoughts?

Roughkat passes along this e-mail from David Kahn, which he presumably sent to all season ticket holders. Roughkat speculates that it was directly influenced by Kahn’s discussion earlier in the year with Brandon. You be the judge.

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Dear [Name Redacted]

As a valued member of the Timberwolves family, I’m pleased to share with you that we’ve hired Kurt Rambis to be our new head coach. [Proprietor note: A colleague and longtime Wolves season ticket holder points out that this is grammatically incorrect and makes it seem like Kahn is the valued member of the Timberwolves family]. The search was extensive and thorough, and I’m completely confident that Kurt is the right man to help us develop into a championship-caliber team.

Kurt played for Pat Riley and coached alongside Phil Jackson, arguably two of the three greatest coaches in NBA history. He is ready for this.

During my search for our next head coach, I identified three threshold issues that became the criteria I measured the candidates against. These are some cornerstone philosophies that will guide us the next few years and I wanted a coach that could aggressively execute against all three.

(1) I want our franchise to become the league leader in player development, and player development starts with the head coach.

(2) We will be a running, up-tempo team. Yes, there will be many instances when we will need to rely upon Al Jefferson and a halfcourt offense, but our identity will be fastbreak basketball.

(3) The minutes distributed to our young nucleus in the next two years must be done with an eye toward the big picture and not the short term.

With his vast experience in the NBA as a championship player and coach, Kurt has the ability to help lay the foundation for what we aim to be — NBA champions. He is, by all accounts, hard-working and a hands-on teacher. I know he will shape and mold our players to bring out the best in them.

As always, thank you for your support and passion. I’m looking forward to seeing you at Target Center this fall.

David Kahn
President, Basketball Operations

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And if that bores you, please do note that Josh Hamilton’s wife appears in the comments section of a Dallas Morning News blog. Summary: she has forgiven Josh, she loves Josh, and she especially seems keen on THE LORD. Some interesting reading, though, seriously.