If you think Big Daddy Drew and I can’t find things to praise and hate about Sunday’s Vikings vs. Bears game, then you’re sorely mistaken. BDD led the way with the initial thoughts this week. Please do enjoy:

Big Daddy Drew: Purple Jesus is the 2nd best back in the NFL right now. He’s better than LJ, S. Jackson, Parker, Addai, or anyone not named LT. And he’s
already the best running back the Vikings have EVER had. He’s as fast as Robert Smith, but that’s where the similarities between the two end. The guy is a [redacted] beast, and today evoked my memories of watching Bo Jackson when I was a kid. It’s not hyperbole. He’s that good.
RandBall: Agreed. I haven’t been that excited watching a Vikings game since the Culpepper to Moss heyday. The guy is special.

BDD: I don’t care if it helped the Vikes win the game, Peterson still has no business returning kicks. He needs to be in every single offensive play. If he’s not running the ball, then he needs to be diverting defenses away from whoever ELSE has the ball. Putting him on the sideline is like giving a defense a cigarette break. There’s no excuse for it. Chester Taylor did some nice things, but give me a break. It’s night and day. This offense without Peterson is the league’s worst. He’s the one special player defenses have to account for. And he’s not out there for half the game? And he’s being made to return kicks like its rookie hazing? Dumb.
RB: Here’s where I have to respectfully disagree. I didn’t mind the balance yesterday; I’d like to see it go more 60-40 Peterson, but it does keep him fresh. When both backs get 20 carries and are used in sets with each other, I don’t really have much to complain about. Also, I liked Peterson back there on the final kickoff. He’s the horse. Ride him. But that’s only for special occasions, such as yesterday when the team desperately needed a jolt after giving up two TDs. That spins me off on a tangent, by the way: obviously those announcers have never seen a Vikings game before, otherwise they wouldn’t have been spewing all the stats about the last time Minnesota won at Chicago when there were still four-plus minutes left. I kept screaming, “This game is not over!” Those jinxes almost cost the Vikings a win.

BDD: Even though Peterson still needs the ball more (I feel like Childress is sitting him just to swing his [redacted] around), I was glad to see the team ran the ball a whole lot more this go round. That’s the only prayer the team has of winning games.
RB: Agreed once again, though it was also nice to see them taking shots downfield when they did go to the passing game. Overall, it was the best offensive game plan I’ve seen in a long time.

BDD: The Viking finally did some play action stuff today, but T-Jack really stinks at selling a play fake.
RB: That’s correctible.

BDD: I wonder if T-Jack’s inaccuracy is something that can be improved. I don’t know if that’s how it works with quarterbacks. I feel like you’re either inherently accurate or you aren’t. Look at Donovan McNabb. He still struggles with it. I’d like to think Jackson can get better, but I think he may just always be an erratic passer. In which case, he needs to run more. He had a chance or two to run for a first down, and he didn’t do it.
RB: That might not be correctible. I suspect you are right in your instinct to believe he won’t get much more accurate, and we’re going to have to live with that. I wonder if the groin issue was preventing him from running because there were more than a couple chances to run for first downs when he didn’t.

BDD: The receivers stink. Badly.
RB: So many dropped passes. I will say, though, that the catch by Sidney Rice on the sidelines was beautiful (and led to an underrated field goal that made the game 24-14.

BDD: As does the pass rush and coverage. I don’t know if scheming can improve that. The ends aren’t very good at rushing the passer, and Griffin/McCauley have been as useless as Jessica Alba’s voice box.
RB: If McCauley makes that easy pick at 31-17, Griese doesn’t work his “magic.” The pass rush was anemic. Worse than anemic. The only time they had pressure that I remember is when Ben Leber blitzed and when they tried to block Udeze with Greg Olsen. Horrible.

BDD: Hey! Troy Williamson caught a pass! I don’t believe it!
RB: The Vikings scored 34 points. The high-priced offensive line delivered. They won on the road. They executed a game plan. Strange days, my friend.

Welcome to round 2 of the e-mail exchange with Big Daddy Drew known as The Monday Meltdown. You might remember Drew, a die-hard Vikings fan, from such blogs as Kissing Suzy Kolber and Deadspin (links in the blogroll, yadda yadda). You also might remember him from such films as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Confident, Stupid.” Anyway, here we go:

RandBall: The Vikings had a bye week; how can we be angry, you might ask? On the contrary. The more time there is to analyze exactly just how this season has already disappointed us, the more precise we can become with our assessing of blame. So let’s do this, percentages style. As tempting as it is to say, “Brad Childress is 100 percent at fault for this [redacted]-heap,” let’s at least try to do this scientifically.

Big Daddy Drew: Careful. You may arouse Gregg Easterbrook if you do it scientifically.

RB: Here it goes. Who or what is to blame for the Vikings’ 1-3 start?

BDD: CHILDRESS

RB: The quarterback situation: 30 percent. As pointed out very well by our own Kevin Seifert in this recent piece, the Vikings look a lot like they did last year — and the QB shenanigans are chief among the similarities. Where to begin with this year’s problem: Well, let’s see. Tarvaris Jackson was given the keys to the offense despite every indication that he’s not ready. Even though the Vikings knew the youngster was raw, they went into training camp with Brooks Bollinger, who would be a No. 3 on the vast majority of rosters, as the backup. The No. 3 spot was a battle between a somewhat promising rookie who was eventually lost on a waiver claim and a man whose development was curbed by an 18-year stint in minor league baseball. When the coaching staff determined a month or two after everyone else did that this arrangement wasn’t ideal, a desperate move was made for Kelly Holcomb, a decent No. 2 but one still playing catch-up in terms of learning the offense. Bring Holcomb in during the summer and the situation is stomachable. Bring in a one-or-two-year fix in the off-season, like Jeff Garcia, and this team is 2-2 or 3-1 right now. Alas, they are 1-3. The QB play, which has been inadequate even when not directly putrid, takes a big chunk of the blame.

BDD: But Childress is responsible for the QB situation. He’s the one who traded for Bollinger when Bollinger was a 4th string backup for the Jets and on the verge of being cut anyway. We could have made a play for Garcia or Schaub in the offseason and we didn’t, and that falls on Childress. Childress has also put way too much of the burden of winning these games on the QB. Why not have T-Jack roll out? Cut down his options? We should be running the Pittsburgh Steelers offense. Childress is calling plays as if they have McNabb out there. And they don’t. Yet.

RB: Play-calling/Personnel use: 30 percent: One of the greatest indictments of an offense is that it never seems to be in rhythm. That is how I feel about the Vikings pretty much 99 percent of the time. They run when I want them to pass, and vice-versa. They go away from things that are working (i.e. Adrian Peterson making everyone his [redacted]). They have very little imagination in the passing game. They don’t make creative use of their best player. They are paying their offensive linemen obscene amounts of money to block zones — a concept — instead of blocking men. They are stubborn and repetitive. They do not adjust well. It all disgusts me.

BDD: I too am disgusted. I just threw up into a bucket.

RB: (Please note: These first two categories could be easily called “coaching,” thus giving Brad Childress and his disciples a good 60 percent of the fault. But like I said, I’m trying to be diplomatic).

BDD: Why? I NEED SOMEONE TO BLAME. Scapegoat! Scapegoat! Scapegoat! As a fan, it helps to have a singular target for my hatred. Hi, Brad!

RB: Pass defense: 15 percent. I’ll lump the pass rush and secondary together since they go hand-in-hand. Antoine Winfield is a very good overall player, but he is not a shut-down corner. Cedric Griffin has been a C-minus. Marcus McCaulley was overmatched against the Packers. That said, opposing QBs have too often had all day to throw. The only time they consistently didn’t (against Atlanta), the pass D was pretty good and the Vikings won. Another problem: Vikings blitzes very seldom yield results. Probably because they aren’t subtle about them at all.

BDD: Agreed. But again, it doesn’t help a pass defense to be on the field 80 plays a game. It is tiring to think that the Vikings have lacked anything remotely resembling a decent pass defense since well before 1998. I’m not even sure the ‘98 pass defense was any good. [Redacted] OJ Santiago.

RB: General boneheadedness: 8 percent. Despite promises to clean things up — which has happened off the field to an extent, I suppose — the Vikings remain, per capita, an amazingly frustrating product to watch. There is at least one play every quarter — a penalty, a fumbled snap, a dropped interception, etc. — that makes me want to punch a hole in my fairly new TV. They generally did not do these things in the first 6 games of the Brad Childress era. In the past 14, they certainly have done these things.

BDD: True. But one thing I noticed during the bye week is just how boneheaded every other team is. Apart from the Colts and Pats, most every other team does a lot of the same wildly dumb [redacted]. So it’s nice to know we aren’t alone in that regard.

RB: Zygi Wilf: 7 percent. He has the keys. He can stop this car whenever he wants. I suppose his patience can be seen as a virtue. I also imagine, in the big picture, he is getting bad football advice from people he trusts. But he still has the keys. He can stop this car whenever he wants. And he can give the keys to Bill Cowher. And then they can start the car again and move forward. And I’m done with this drawn-out car analogy.

BDD: Wilf’s big problem is that he never hired a real GM. That was dumb. This team was in dire of need of someone like Bill Polian, who could control the entire football side of things while Wilf tried to finagle a stadium. I don’t think Wilf will abide by this for much longer. He has to get the team back into favor with the public, and I’d wager he’d do anything to make it happen. I still like Wilf. I think he got a lot of hostility when he first arrived simply because he wasn’t Minnesotan. *cough* and apparently too Jewish for some *cough* Well, who gives a crap? I don’t care if he’s from freakin’ Paris, so long as he’s a good owner. And I think he desperately wants to be a good owner. I bet he figures it out sooner rather than later.

RB: Pass-catchers: 7 percent. This has actually been less of a problem than imagined. Sidney Rice looks like he has potential. Bobby Wade is at least adequate. Visanthe Shiancoe looks serviceable at tight end. Hey, this is a step up from how things ended last year.

BDD: Yeah, but there’s no one scary in that group. It’s the NFL’s worst outside of Tennessee.

RB: Bad luck: 4 percent. We’ll grant them a little sliver of breaks not going their way — the field goal off the upright that would have beaten Detroit (god loves Kitna) and the terrible non-TD call with Shiancoe vs. KC that might have changed the landscape of that game. On a different level, however, good teams make their breaks. Good teams don’t overthrow sure TDs. Good teams don’t often run on 2nd-10 and throw three-yard passes on 3rd-7. You can look it up.

BDD: They don’t?

/checks almanac

You’re right!

RB: Adrian Peterson: negative 1 percent. The short list of things this team does well: Stop the run. Punt. Give the rock to Purple Jesus.

BDD: If only Childress had faith.

Hey kids: Check out our new weekly feature in which we trade e-mails with Big Daddy Drew (he of Kissing Suzy Kolber and Deadspin fame, where the language is a lot saltier than you’ll find here, kids) and we both even use the singular personal “I” on several occasions! Drew is a talented writer and an angry Vikings fan. What better combination is there? So we busted out our big bowl of redacteds and started a new weekly series. What better time than after a bitter loss to the Packers? Here’s the first installment. Think of it as Vikings Fan Line with a smidgen of coherence. We dare you to read the whole thing.

RandBall: The Vikings having an interception by Sharper nullified by illegal contact — seriously, before I saw that flag I thought Sharper might be a damn genius in wishing for three picks and Favre breaking that INT record — followed not too long after by the record-breaking TD pass and a moment of recognition at the Metrodome? One of the 10 most bitter experiences a Vikings fan can ever have.

Big Daddy Drew: Not to mention the fact that the crowd was, what, 50% Packer fans? Pathetic. Didn’t the Star Trib even have a mini-section for Packer fans for a while? [yes]. That [redacted] drives me insane. I’m fine with Wisconsin Packer fans driving over to attend the game. That’s their right. But I think there are WAYYYY too many Packer fans who are originally from Minnesota.

RB: Kelly Holcomb misses too many momentum-turning throws (Ferguson last week, Rice early this week), and I really don’t like his body language when calls don’t go his way or teammates line up in the wrong formation. He’s reminiscent of a 15-year-old girl that’s been told she now has a 1,000 text message per month limit. This QB situation is so messed up. T-Jack is not ready. Bollinger is not good. Holcomb is not worth it. Daunte is winning. Where’s Jeff George?

BDD: Agreed. I could have done without Holcomb spending the entire game sticking his fingers in his earholes. He just looks completely out of place. BUT we all know Holcomb is crummy. So why is Childress putting the game in HIS hands, and depending on him to make plays? IDIOTIC. I don’t profess to know any more about football than anyone else, and I hate sportswriters who do just that (all of them). But it’s glaringly evident to everyone BUT Childress that Adrian Peterson needs to be the focal point of the offense. If he’s not getting handoffs, he should be in on screen plays, or being a decoy on play-action passes. We have this incredible runner. Yet, not only do the vikings refuse to hand him the ball, they refuse to use him to help the rest of the offense. A good running game is supposed to open up the passing game, is it not? Keep the D honest? Well, nothing in yesterday’s game plan made any use of that. If Marty Schottenheimer was the coach of this team, and I am by no means a Marty fan, this offense would begin and end with Purple Jesus. Why this team throws more than 20 times a game is baffling.

RB: Just in case you forgot, that’s 11 losses in the last 14 games of the Brad Childress Era. This team was 4-2 after beating the Bejesus out of Seattle last year and sucking me in yet again. Green Bay is 4-0 and has won eight in a row going back to last year. [Redacted] that.

BDD: There were games against the Packers a couple years back where Mike Sherman would go away from Ahman Green even if Green was running for 6 yards a carry, and the vikes eked out a couple victories because of that generosity. Childress is the exact same kind of coach. He’s so busy thinking about his gameplan that he’s ignoring what is obvious to everyone else in the building.

RB: Take away Chet Taylor’s 37-yard run and he had 7 carries for 3 yards; take away A. Pete’s 55-yard run and you still have 11 carries for 57 yards. Peterson is the one offensive player that can make a play. He needs to touch the ball 25 times per game, preferably with none of those coming IN THE KICKING GAME. Period. End of story.

BDD: That really pissed me off. If you’re so scared of Peterson being injured, WHY IS HE RETURNING KICKS? Are they crazy? Let a scrub do that. Would Larry Johnson return kicks? Gimme a break. This offense has a chance to have an identity, and Peterson is the key to that. Instead, they’re running this bizarre passing offense that is completely ill-suited to the personnel on the field. I don’t get it. Supposedly, you can win in the NFL if you can run and defend the run. Well, the Vikings can do both very well! So why the hell aren’t we doing more of it? The fact that we run shotgun formation on 3rd and 2 is [redacted redacted]. Why not paint SACK ME on Holcomb is giant red letters?

RB: That said: Sidney Rice at least showed a glimmer of hope in the passing game. That TD catch was a thing of beauty, and he plays with some emotion.

BDD: I agree. But why are we relying on Holcomb-to-Rice to win games?

RB: That said: When you bitter rival that has been shoving the ball up your [redacted] all day with a QB you hate who has set one of football’s all-time hallowed records … sorry, vein popping … when that team gives you a gift, such as a fumble with less than two minutes left and no timeouts remaining, for the sweet love of all things pure you need to capitalize on that gift and tie the game. I thought the whole Packers season was going to crumble. I really did. First the fumble; then Al Harris was on the turf; I had visions of an ACL, a tying TD, a winning coin toss and something really [redacted] awesome from AP in OT. Then Holcomb threw a 2.5 yard pass to somebody covered like a blanket, it was intercepted, they cried for interference and of course. It was the Vikings. Why don’t I ever learn?

BDD: Nope. Neither do I.

RB: Guess that pass defense isn’t really fixed, huh?

BDD: Nope. But, if we ran the ball more, if would give opponents less time on the field to establish a rhythm in the passing game. Amazing how that works.

RB: The only blessing in this whole [redacted]-feast was that I had insanely consented to a family brunch that started around 1 p.m. Now, it was a brunch featuring my mother, my step-dad, my wife and my in-laws. They are all wonderful people, and they saved me from watching most of the middle quarters. Had I seen the whole game, I might be as angry as you are right now. As such, I’m merely extremely [redacted redacted].

BDD: I wish I had eaten brunch instead of watching the game. Eggs Benedict rules. The Vikings right now? Not so much.

RB: The coaching situation local fans are less pleased with: Norv Turner in SD or Brad Childress here. Go.

BDD: San Diego. They have the players to be a championship team, yet they threw it all away because of some idiotic power struggle. By the time they fix it, it’ll be too late. That would make me very angry. I always knew deep in my heart that the Vikings would be lousy this year. But they don’t have to be as lousy as they are right now. That’s all Childress.

RB: On my way back from “up north,” as we call it here, a deer ran across the road, oblivious to myself, my car, or even the concept of motorized traffic. If I had arrived one second earlier, that deer would be dead and my car would have a huge dent. Stupid, beautiful, oblivious deer. And yet I have full confidence that this deer, were it put in charge of the Vikings offense, would find a way to get Adrian Peterson the ball at least 25 times from scrimmage. I’ll leave it at that.

BDD: Agreed. I don’t understand how something that’s so obvious even to an imbecile like myself can go unnoticed by a professional coaching staff. There’s no way I know more about football than Brad Childress. So why is he screwing this up so badly?

P.S. (8:57 a.m.), from BDD: One more thing: this whole thing about Peterson not being on the field because he’s not up to speed on pass protection is crap. Okay, so he can’t block well right now. Then put in a second back and have HIM block and send Peterson out, or split him wide. That is absolutely no excuse to take him out. He can’t block? Fine. Let someone else block and let Peterson work his freakin’ magic. Or don’t pass at all! We aren’t good at it!

PPS (9:24 a.m.) from BDD: From Peter King:

“When Favre left the field after the game, he stopped to hug the Vikings mascot, the stringy-bearded Ragnar. It was the 16th time Ragnar — a Minnesotan named Joe Juranich — had seen Favre come into the ‘Dome, and the first time they hugged. Ragnar stands for all things Vikings. Favre has been the archrival. Juranich knows he should hate Favre, but he can’t. When Favre had gone, Juranich said: “I went out into the parking lots today before the game, because I wanted to tell the fans, ‘Don’t you dare boo this man today. He’s been through so much, and he’s such a credit to the game. We should cheer him, and give him credit for being such a great player over the years.’ You just have to admire him. I mean this: It’s good to see him break it here.””

[Redacted].