Bill Parcells, thankfully, is nothing like our grandmother

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

Perhaps the most humorous bit to come out of the Parcells retirement story was this quote. It was from a Cowboys player. We want you to read it, then take half a guess at who said it: “I still think he is a great guy. But he is like my grandmother. You love the person, but they are stuck in their old-school ways.” The same player also said: “Sometimes change is good.” Give up? He wears No. 81, is fond of push-ups in the driveway and may or may not have tried to kill himself this year. You can read more here.

Just a thought

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

Perhaps we’re too accustomed to seeing athletes and coaches making nice after games, but we still found it odd yesterday that Tom Brady sprinted off the field without, as far as we could tell, shaking the hand of Peyton Manning. There are plenty of pictures of Peyton shaking Brady’s hand after Colts losses. Also, cameras captured a rather lukewarm and brief handshake from Bill Belichick when Manning approached him. Belichick looked annoyed more than anything. Now, obviously these are intense competitors — two of the best in Brady and Belichick — who had just had the Colts pull a complete reversal on them. They had the game at 21-3. They also were one short third-down conversion from practically sewing it up with a little over two minutes left. They were understandably ticked off. But don’t you have to give an opponent a little more due, especially considering the history? We wish we could find video of the first couple minutes of post-game, but we can’t. You’ll have to trust our memory. Did anyone else find the behavior of Brady and Belichick lacked a little class?

UPDATE: Thanks to KChia’s Former Roommate for digging out the forensic Youtube evidence, a concise clip showing Frosty the Coachman stiffing Manning and coming within one more question of killing Solomon Wilcots with his glare. 

Tony Romo ushers Bill Parcells into the sunset

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

It’s official: The Tuna is no longer coaching the Cowboys. Bill Parcells has issued a statement reading, in part, “I am retiring from coaching football.” While he has done that several times already, he means it this time. No, really. Maybe he can develop a grill to rival that of his un-retirement contemporary, boxer George Foreman. We’d also like to point out that in his final seven seasons of coaching, his teams won a grand total of one playoff game. Also, please enjoy this photo on Deadspin, which is either one second before or one second after a moment of beautiful music between Parcells and Bill Belichick.

Perhaps the particulate matter was oregano

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

ESPN is reporting that Michael Vick was not carrying marijuana or any other illegal substance in a secret compartment in his water bottle when he was busted at Miami International Airport last week. We’re not quite sure we believe that, but we’ll play along. What could the mystery “dark particulate” with a “pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana” have been?

*The colonel’s secret blend of herbs and spices used to make KFC chicken so delicious.

*Scented turf clippings from the Georgia Dome.

*A fine potpourri with which Vick planned to charm new head coach Bobby Petrino.

*Onterrio Smith’s prescription medication.

Michael Vick rivals Onterrio Smith in airport stupidity

Thursday, January 18th, 2007

The good people over at The Smoking Gun have the details of how Falcons QB Michael Vick tried to sneak marijuana onto an airplane in a sealed compartment of a water battle; not only that, they have a copy of the police report. We’re pretty sure, almost 100 percent, that the weed in question — sorry, the “dark particulate” with a “pungent aroma closely associated with marijuana” — was either for Vick’s glaucoma or for his cousin. Surely, we’ll here both sides of that story at some point.