If you ever were looking for proof positive of the power of the Interwebs, look no further than Drew Magary. Fifteen years ago, he might have merely been your funny friend with a sharp wit. Thanks to the power of the interactive pen, he is, in 2008, a noted blogger and an author of a newly released book called “Men With Balls.” The book touts itself as a guide for athletes, but really it’s just a hilarious look at what it really means to be involved with professional sports. We’re many amusing pages into it already, and we highly recommend picking it up (and we’re not just saying that because he mentions us in the acknowledgments). To commemorate its release, we decided to send Drew some questions. He was kind enough to answer. Here we go:
Q The book seems suspiciously like a really long and slightly more focused version of the Jambaroo. Why should I spend $16.99?
A Because that’s EXACTLY what it is.
Q What motivated you to write this book?
A I needed more money to help pay for my addiction to old 18th century pornography. You should see the ankles on some of these chicks.
Q Buzz Bissinger says on the back cover, “Profane, beyond naughty, and, I have to say, just damn funny.” 1) If I read between the commas, is that the part where the book pisses the [redacted] out of him? 2) How the hell did you get Buzz to blurb your book after the infamous blogger meltdown on HBO that included your name (well, at least a version of it)?
A Let’s just say that despite our apparent differences, Buzz and I found many things that we DID agree on. Long walks. Japanese cinema. Cuddling by an open fire.
Q What exactly is your relationship to Minnesota, anyway?
A Lived there from Age 8 to Age 15. It’s hard to tell people where you’re “from” when you moved around as a kid. But I think you gotta stick with the location of your main pubescence.
Q The book seems to be doing very well on Amazon.com, ranking No. 3 right now in terms of sales in the category “Books > Entertainment > Humor > Sports.” But it is also failing miserably in the category “Books > Reptiles > Turtles.” Why do you think that is?
A I dunno. I think the book makes for excellent bathroom reading, so you’d think it would do gangbusters in the Turtle category.
Q Chapter 8 is titled “Favored Children of the Antichrist,” and the first part is about the media. Did you mean me?
A Yes, Michael Rand. Or should I call you by your proper name … Mephistopheles???!!!
Q Chris Cooley also gives you a blurb on the inside jacket cover. Did he unwittingly provide the cover art for the sequel earlier this year?
A Yes. That book will be titled “Men With Sticks”
Q No. 68 is a stupid number to wear in youth football. Discuss.
A Discuss it with yourself, number snob. [Editor's note: Drew wore No. 68].
Q If you could have either eternal enlightenment or a lifetime supply of the greatest gametime snacks and beers, what would you choose?
A Oh, the latter. Who’s to say I’m not already eternally enlightened? I think anyone who reads the book knows just how enlightened I am, especially when they see all the penis drawings.
Q Was the NFC championship game after the 1998 season really played?
A Yes. But I don’t remember any Viking technically “playing” in the 2000 NFC title game.
Q What’s the stupidest thing you have ever done in the name of the love of sports?
A This interview! ZING!!!!
Q What is the greatest eating holiday and why?
A Thanksgiving. Not even close. I can eat my weight in green bean and fried onion casserole.
Q You really seem to linger on the “Hot Naked Men” chapter. Am I wrong?
A Why do you want to know? Does the idea of me lingering over hot naked men fill you with a clandestine sense of excitement? REVEAL YOUR TRUE FEELINGS.
Q OK, a few more about the book: Did you enjoy being able to stretch out a little or did this process feel more like a series of short items than an actual longform work?A I made certain it was a series of short items. Who can read a longform item these days? I can’t even watch a short film without watching another short film in the middle of it.
Q If you wrote a novel, what would it be about?
A There’s no way any novel I’d write could have a coherent plot. It would probably start out about a monkey scientist, only to end up being about Vampire telemarketers.
Q Are you ready for the lawsuits?
A I know my rights, dammit.