weekend links


Weekend Links with Jon Marthaler

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

weekend-links.jpgHappy NFL Draft Day, everyone! Unfortunately, the Vikings have already made their pick for the first round — an All-Pro end, which seems like a sweet deal — and so they don’t have much to do for the day. The Purple won’t be selecting until about 7:30 tonight, so if you need something else to do, a list of suggestions:

1. Drive to every bar within a 10-mile radius with a picture of Jared Allen. Extract “no serve, no matter how much he goes smashy smashy” promises from owners.
2. Conduct quiet service at Adrian Peterson shrine.
3. Work on elaborate padding for top of Gus Frerotte’s helmet.
4. Convert Chris Hovan jersey to Jared Allen jersey. (Note: 95 percent of people who will eventually buy an Allen jersey at one time owned a Hovan jersey. It’s science.)
5. (Western and northern Minnesota only) Get that snowmobile out one last time this year. I talked to the folks out in my hometown; they got 10 inches of snow yesterday. In the lingo of our state: that’s just gosh darn ridiculous, doncha know.

On with the links!

*Since we’re in a Vikings mood, we start with this: Read this story about the Sonics owners plotting to move to Oklahoma City last summer. Read it, and understand: this is exactly what Zygi Wilf could do with the Vikings. He might pull this same thing on us, my Minnesota brethren; if we don’t do something — regardless of whether we should or not — the Vikings could be headed to Los Angeles. Zygi has no reason to want to keep the team here, only to look like he wants to keep the team here, just like Clay Bennett. Do not pretend that it couldn’t happen to us — because it has, and it could again.

*Spencerorson Swindlehall at Every Day Should Be Saturday continues in his quest to make me laugh myself to death with this gem: the 2008 Oregon lineman calendar.

*JUST LEAVE ALREADY!

*Poor Tracy McGrady. He’s being paid $19 million this year, over $13 million more than any other player on his team save Yao Ming, and somehow it’s HIS fault his team doesn’t win. And tiny violins all over the world play a sad, sad song.

*Yeah, that Pacman Jones thing is going over well in Dallas.

*And finally: it’s your childish laugh of the day! Key quote: “It’s not inappropriate to an organisation that’s looking to have a firm grip on Government spending.”

Enjoy your Saturday; if you’re reading this and there’s snow on the ground outside, try not to sob. We’ll all get through this somehow.

Weekend links with Jon Marthaler

Saturday, March 1st, 2008

weekend.jpgJust a reminder: If you have links for tomorrow’s YouTubes, send them our way; we have a few ready to go, but we could always us a few more. And now, as always, Mr. Jon Marthaler:

Greetings once again, with another edition of the weekend links. No doubt your regular proprietor, Mr. Rand, is more or less exhausted at this point; he’s been out at the state wrestling tournament for a couple of days. Having just witnessed this event for the first time, I’ll say this: it’s like watching a Michael Bay movie after three weeks in a sensory deprivation tank. Chaos! Noise! Screaming! How The Proprietor can cover it, I have no idea; I couldn’t even comprehend most of it.

On with the links:

*Awful Announcing has an interesting breakdown of a month’s worth of SportsCenters, divided up by sport. The noteworthy thing, for the hoc-key fan: the NHL comes in seventh, behind NASCAR. Sigh.

*Speaking of the NHL: the New York Times has the story of a few Russian players who are staying home instead of playing this side of the pond. I know, I know, we’re all thinking the same thing: if this continues, who’s going to play for the Detroit Red Wings?

*I’m not sure I even quite know what to say about Rangers reliever CJ Wilson. He called his teammates imbeciles, he’s into politics, he embraces a lifestyle that makes him sound like a cross between Richard Gere and Jerry Falwell … just read for yourself, I guess. If there were more guys in pro sports like Wilson, no writer would ever want for notebook items again.

*I’m nervous about the self-promotion — it seems crass — but on the other hand, anytime I have an opportunity to Photoshop Doug Risebrough’s head onto Harvey Korman’s body, it seems like I should promote it. We’ve got the inside scoop on trade deadline day with the Minnesota Wild! [Proprietor note: We totally meant to link to this earlier in the week and then forgot.]

*The Chicago Tribune points out: We’re coming up on the 25th anniversary of the greatest postgame managerial rant of all time — Lee Elia’s three-minute, cuss-filled tirade. I won’t link to the outburst — you can find it on YouTube — but know this: it makes Mike Gundy look like Bud Grant.

*And finally, the Vikings are hot on the trail of Bernard Berrian. Here’s my Berrian story: every year, I’m in a fantasy football league that assigns players via auction. Towards the end of the night, the “You can have him!” comments are flying, as players come up for auction, usually for $1, that just about nobody wants. This year, we had a rookie in our league, and as the auction moved on, it came to his turn to put a player up for bid. He studied his cheat sheet, he thought for a moment, and then he announced, “I’ll go with Bernard Berrian for $5. You have never heard nine other guys laugh so hard in your life. Berrian can’t possibly fail to be an improvement for the Purple, but still, this isn’t a good sign.

That’s it for me; here’s hoping everything goes your way this Saturday.