The host of the party was looking out the window when he casually asked me where I had parked my car. In front of the house next door, I answered, warily. Then he told me what he’d just witnessed: a large pickup truck had zoomed down the street and had come to an abrupt stop perhaps four inches from my rear bumper — and perhaps even closer than that. “I don’t think it hit your car,” the host said, almost reassuringly. Then five large men emerged from the truck (one of them tumbling to the ground), and after collecting themselves, they loudly staggered down the block.

This heartwarming holiday scene occurred this past weekend, and many more like it will be taking place as we observe the high holy days of driving under the influence. (My car was actually fine; many others won’t be.) According to Mothers Against Drunk Driving, “the overwhelming majority of people arrested for drunk driving have driven drunk more than 50 times before their first arrest.” Because authorities can only do so much, I’ve felt especially bad on the occasions that I’ve failed to keep inebriated friends off the road.

One friend once told me in perfect drunk logic that he’d be fine if I just followed his car. Another otherwise brilliant friend once argued with me and another partygoer over his fitness to drive himself home. Each minute that the conversation went on, the tension rose, as we two sober people tried everything we could think of: offering him both a ride home and a ride back to his car the next day; friendly cajoling; self-preservation arguments; stern and dire warnings. It was an absurd discussion, and I suppose we could’ve made it more absurd by trying to tackle him right there in the fancy living room to get his keys. But we didn’t, and he drove home. The next day he was appropriately horrified by his hazy judgment and his disregard for his friends’ opinions — and for the safety of everyone else on the road.

So that’s Roadguy’s question du jour: What do you do when you’re losing your argument with a drunk friend or relative who has car keys in hand? National traffic safety officials offer these seven tips, but they don’t tell you what to do if you reach the end of the list. Thoughts?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 13th, 2006 at 6:10 am and is filed under Transportation conversations. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.