Big Dog and Little Dog are already sitting outside Gate D at the Metrodome, wanting to make sure they’re first in line for the Michael Cuddyer bobblehead (on September 15). They have a laptop and several changes of underwear. Out of work since their TV show was canceled 12 years ago, the Dogs apparently thought that stealing this blog space could be the first step toward regaining the recognition they once had and still crave. Let’s see what they have to say.
Little Dog: Yeah, Johan pitched like ca-ca. And you know what?
Big Dog: What?
Little Dog: Howard’s got to comment on the obvious more often, add his voice to the chorus. I read in the papers that Johan pitched badly and saw it on TV too. Even Bert said it, and without cussing. But Howard went off and wrote about all that other stuff. He just doesn’t get it. I hate it when blogs bring up stuff I can’t find anywhere else.
BD: Good point. We should waterboard Howard until he admits Johan stunk and bite off his fingers unless he writes it.
LD: And I want to be the one who says it: Johan isn’t the best pitcher in the game any more. My vote is for Dustin McGowan. Did you see how he handled Lew Ford? And, I mean, have you seen Johan’s record lately? He’s 41-6 now after the All-Star break. Did you know he used to be 41-4? He’s the reason the Twins are in the slow cooker.
BD: Not Nick Punto?
LD: No way. Nicky’s giving 110 percent and everyone is rooting for him. I read all about it at mntwins.com.
BD: That was literature!
LD: You’re right. And when you’re right, you’re right. And you’re right, right?
LD: And it was great to see Lew Ford in the lineup last night. He wasn’t the reason we lost 7-0.
BD: No, that was Johan’s fault. He totally took away our momentum with the way he pitched on Monday. I don’t care if Howard won’t admit it.
LD: Can I ask you a question?
LD: Don’t you think it’s stupid when guys like SethSpeaks and Ask Kleiner only make a point once? Don’t you wish they would make the same point over and over and over again? Like when Seth said, “The Twins haven’t consistently done ‘the little things’ right for a long time. It’s been back to the first couple of playoff teams earlier this decade. They actually did do the little things right from about 1996-1999. And, how much did it help their records?” I wanted him to find 10 different ways to say it.
BD: Word, dogg!
LD: When do we eat?
BD: Right after we e-mail this to email@example.com.
Howard will return to Section 220 soon, if he can pry the new password out of us — BD & LD.