I was out of town for a couple of nights and then decided there were needs more pressing than watching this weekend’s games. That’s what happens when you’re following the progress on a game with half an eye on the ESPN bottom-of-the-screen crawl. Angels 2, Twins 1… Angels 6, Twins 1, click. Saturday morning: Angels 10, Twins 1.
So help me out here and fill in the blanks. (Copy the text below into the comment field and have at it.) Creativity is a plus; coarse language is a minus.
The winner, who will receive a fabulous prize, will be announced later this week.
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to _____________, while knowing in their heads that _______________.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed ____________, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that ________________ is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like ____________ , __________ and __________.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “_______________.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and _______________ in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like _______________ and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “___________________________________________, eh”