Fill in the ______ blanks, get me back up to speed, win a prize!
Posted on August 12th, 2007 – 8:40 PMBy Howard
I was out of town for a couple of nights and then decided there were needs more pressing than watching this weekend’s games. That’s what happens when you’re following the progress on a game with half an eye on the ESPN bottom-of-the-screen crawl. Angels 2, Twins 1… Angels 6, Twins 1, click. Saturday morning: Angels 10, Twins 1.
So help me out here and fill in the blanks. (Copy the text below into the comment field and have at it.) Creativity is a plus; coarse language is a minus.
The winner, who will receive a fabulous prize, will be announced later this week.
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to _____________, while knowing in their heads that _______________.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed ____________, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that ________________ is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like ____________ , __________ and __________.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “_______________.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and _______________ in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like _______________ and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “___________________________________________, eh”
25 Responses to "Fill in the ______ blanks, get me back up to speed, win a prize!"
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to AVENGE THE BRIDGE DISASTER, while knowing in their heads that THEY BLOW CHUNKS OFFENSIVELY.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed SID HARTMANN, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that THAT OLD BAT MINNIE MOUSE is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like RON GARDENHIRE IN THE DUGOUT, SCOTT ULLGER AS 3B COACH and RON GARDENHIRE IN THE CLUBHOUSE FILLING OUT THE LINEUP CARD.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said LEW FORD, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal.”
“Pipe down,” Cirillo admonished. “I’ve been reading the box scores and you …AREN’T EVEN IN THE BIGS ANYMORE.”
The ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer. On Sunday, Gardy came to the park and grumbled something about NEEDING TO BUNT MORE OFTEN, then further showed his displeasure by USING TYNER AS A LEADOFF HITTER EVEN THOUGH HE NEVER HAS A GOOD AT-BAT, AND INSERTING REDMOND IN THE LINEUP AGAINST A RIGHT-HANDED PITCHER WHEN HE SHOULD ONLY START AGAINST A LEFT-HANDER.”
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “REMEMBER THAT TIME I GOT LIKE NINE STRAIGHT HITS WHEN I PLAYED FOR THE TWINS? I WAS AWESOME.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to THE SEATTLE EXPERIENCE MUSIC PROJECT in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like RON GARDENHIRE’S FUTURE SON-IN-LAW and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “AT LEAST I’M NOT THE MANAGER’S NEPHEW, I DIDN’T WASTE A WEEK IN STURGIS TRYING TO RECAPTURE A MISSPENT YOUTH, AND I HAVEN’T GOTTEN CAUGHT DRINKING AND DRIVING LATELY, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to GET CAMEO ROLES ON A SOAP OPERA LIKE THOSE GOSHDARN BREWERS, while knowing in their heads that THEY WERE MORE LIKELY TO SPEND THEIR WEEKEND MAKING VARIOUS D-LIST CELEBS ACTUALLY FEEL SUCCESSFUL BY COMPARISON.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed THE ETERNALLY HAPPY PAT NESHEK, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that 4 OF THE 7 DWARFS ARE STILL available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like WELL, MORE THAN THREE OF YOU, THAT’S FOR SURE.” All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “YEAH, WE ALL THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY TOO. WINNING IS EVEN MORE FUN WHEN YOU CAN DO IT MOCKINGLY.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and TRY TO REVIVE THE GRUNGE LOOK in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like A CROSS BETWEEN SUPERMAN AND THAT BRAWNY PAPERTOWEL GUY, and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “I COULD BE BATTING CLEAN-UP. OH WAIT. NEVERMIND, eh.”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to meet mickey mouse, while knowing in their heads that they had to actually win a game.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed Joe Mauer, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that Goofy is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like Rondell White , Doug Mientkiewicz and Bob Uecker .” (little did he know the other two players didn’t play for the twins at the time)
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 that night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “So you wanna know why we won? It’s easy to figgins it out.. haha.. get it..figgins..our 3rd basemen…heh..heh..heh..”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave to ask him “is there ’something in the way’ of me hitting the baseball? Am I ‘dumb’ and ‘oh the guilt’ I want to help the team out ‘talk to me’ we need ‘a turn around’ ” in an attempt to find some hits. (if you cant tell, all these ‘ ‘ words are nirvana song titles..but if u are smart enough to realize that. Cookie points.)
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like Cher and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “I could be out of mac and cheese and Jimmy Johns..that would be horrible…wait does Seattle have jimmy johns? They DON’T I think my suckness will reach a new high..atleast everyone has a microwave for my instant mac and cheese. WHAT! WE DONT HAVE A MICROWAVE AT THE STADIUM OH *beep*, eh”
*bows*
If u are a baseball fan u gotta get the Bob Uecker comment. fo realz.
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to NO LONGER LOSE TO A LAST PLACE TEAM while knowing in their heads that THEY WOULD AT LEAST SOON BE LOSING TO A FIRST PLACE TEAM.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed TORII, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that SOME LEFTOVER HELPFUL ANGELS FROM THAT MOVIE are available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like NICK ‘CANT-EVEN-BUNT’ PUNTO , MICHAEL ‘THREE-BIG-SWINGS’ CUDDYER and L-ROD ‘THE SECRET WEAPON’.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “WE PAID CHRISTOPHER LLOYD TO JUST SIT IN THE DUGOUT AND I GUESS THAT WORKED. I MEAN HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK WE SCORED 3 RUNS OFF NESHEK.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and TRY SOME YOGA in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like JOSE CANSECO and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “AT LEAST WE’RE NOT SUCKING THIS BADLY AT HOME. MAYBE WE COULD GET SOME OF THOSE PLAYERS FROM THE 87 REUNION TO COME OUT OF RETIREMENT AND PLAY THE RANGERS THIS WEEKEND, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to WANTING TO BE LIKE THE YANKEES, while knowing in their heads that THE ROYALS ARE BETTER THAN OUR GROUND TO SECOND FOR THE DOUBLE PLAY OFFENSE.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed NICK PUNTO, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that MY .206 BATTING AVERAGE is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like SLAMMIN L-ROD , BOOOOOOOOO FORD and I JUST HIT MY FIRST HR TYNER.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “UP IN THEY BAY MR. BONDS HAS SOME POPEYE MEDICINE WAITING IN RETURN FOR B96.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and HAVE “FUN TIME” WITH DARRYL STRAWBERRY in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like BILL CLINTON and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “I CAN STILL TRY TO BECOME A NHL GOALIE, eh”
i forgot to capitalize mine.
i lose.
but you get the idea.
yes.
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to HAVE A CHANCE TO GO TO IN-N-OUT WITH JOE CHRISTENSEN, while knowing in their heads that THEIR EXPENSE MONEY SIMPLY WOULD NOT COVER A DOUBLE-DOUBLE, FRIES AND A VANILLA SHAKE.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed CARL POHLAD, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that PINOCCHIO HAS BEEN RESHAPED INTO A BAT, HAS CLEARED WAIVERS AND is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like BARTLETT, MAUER and CASILLAS, NONE OF WHOM KNOW HOW PROPERLY CHEW AND SPIT A WAD WITHOUT DRIBBLING; IT TAKES YEARS OF PRACTICE AND PUTS FEAR IN THE OPPOSING PITCHER’S HEART.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “YOU KNOW, A LITTLE THREAT ABOUT BEING TRADED TO THE TWINS DOES WONDERS FOR A PLAYER. YOU KNOW? I MEAN WHO WOULD WANT TO BE TRADED THERE, BUT IT COULD HAPPEN, YOU KNOW. I MEAN EVEN I ENDED UP ON THE TWINS ONCE. YOU KNOW? OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, WE WERE A BETTER TEAM THAN THE PRESENT… I MEAN, I THOUGHT WE WERE ANYWAY. DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME I GOT THAT TRIPLE OFF OF GOOSE GOSSAGE IN THE NINTH? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY THEY WANTED TO PITCH TO ME…”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and TRY TO FIND SOMETHING THAT WOULD AT LEAST SMELL LIKE TEAM SPIRIT in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like RON GARDENHIRE and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “IF I EVEN STRIKEOUT ONCE THIS WEEKEND, I’M GONNA GET HOSED. MY GIRLFRIEND SAID SHE WAS GONNA DUMP MY MOOSEHEADS DOWN THE TOILET, THROW AWAY MY GOALIE’S GLOVE AND ERASE MY VIDEOTAPED EPISODES OF ‘DUE SOUTH’, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to GIVE THE FANS SOMETHING TO CHEER ABOUT, while knowing in their heads that NOBODY IS PAYING ATTENTION ANYMORE.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed THE WORST POSITION ADJUSTED HITTER IN THE BIG LEAGUES, NICK PUNTO, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that SOME GIRL SELLING COTTON CANDY is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like WHEN I WAS IN THE CLUB HOUSE, ON THE TEAM BUS, and AT THE TEAM HOTEL.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “UNLIKE THE TWINS, WE ACTUALLY CELEBRATE OUR PLAYERS WHEN THEY HIT HOME RUNS, NOT CURSE THEM OUT.”
It was a dispirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and WEAR A PLAID SHIRT OR SOMETHING STUPID LIKE THAT in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like MIGHTY MOUSE and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “I’M IN THE MAJORS MAKING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. I COULD BE FILLING IN THE BLANKS ON A STORY ON SOME BLOG AND ALLOWING THE PUTRID PLAY OF A BASEBALL TEAM WITH WHICH I HAVE NO TANGIBLE CONNECTION GET ME DOWN. SO YEAH, IT COULD BE A LOT WORSE, eh”
Kudos to Karlee for correcting the “secind” spelling error!
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to MAKE A DESPERATE PUSH TO SAVE THE SEASON, while knowing in their heads that THE SHIP HAD ALREADY SAILED.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed BERT BLYLEVEN, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that SHAWN WOOTEN WITH THAT UPPERCUT SWING AT THE MAJOR LEAGUE LEVEL is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like — OH WAIT, DON’T BLAME THE HITTERS. DIDN’T WE DECIDE A FEW WEEKS AGO THAT THIS SEASON’S FAILURES ARE MOSTLY JOHAN SANTANA’S FAULT?”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “SO BE IT, JEDI.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and GRAB A FISH-N-CHIPS BASKET AT IVAR’S in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like MARLON BRANDO ON THE SET OF APOCALYPSE NOW and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON… SHAME ON… YOU. FOOL ME TWI — UH… FOOL ME, YOU CAN’T GET FOOLED AGAIN, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to win by forfeit due to an outbreak of Rally Monkey-spread rabies, while knowing in their heads that Nick Punto had a better chance of getting on the “big kids” rides at Disneyland.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed the inexplicably present Lew Ford, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that a dwarf with a +46 swing power and the club of imminent destruction is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like Terry Ryan , Carl Pohlad, Dave St. Peter, and anyone else in the front office we can blame.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “This little guy [Rally Monkey] smeared feces all over the Twins bats. And they still found a way to make them smell worse!”
It was a dispirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and perform an ancient run production dance atop it in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like Tom Selleck and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “at least I’m the reigning MVP for another month or two, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to GET A RAIN OUT SO THEY COULD SPEND THE DAY AT DISNEYLAND, while knowing in their heads that A RAINOUT WOULD MEAN THAT THE TEACUP RIDE WOULD CLOSED.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed JOE VAVRA, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that WALT DISNEY HIMSELF is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like PUNTO , HAPPY and THE REST OF DWARVES.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “GARDY HAS SOME PICTURES OF ME AND SAID I HAD TO DO THAT TO MAKE THE LINEUPS EVEN.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and SMELL THE TEEN SPIRIT in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like GRUMPY ON STEROIDS and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “BATGIRL COULD HAVE CALLED IT QUITS … OH WAIT, eh”
I gotta be honest, this is getting tough to watch. It looks like everyone but Bartlett, Casilla and a few of the starting pitchers have given up. And I tell ya, as a fan, giving up is the unforgiveable sin.
It sure makes it easy when management dictates a date when giving up is acceptable.
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to ACTUALLY LOCATE THEIR HEARTS, while knowing in their heads that ALONG WITH THEIR BATS, THEY HAVE NO HEART.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed THEIR PILOT, THE TIN MAN, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that JULIO FRANCO is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like CURLY, MOE and LARRY, AND YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “THE RALLY MONKEY HAS SCORED MORE TIMES THAN THE TWINS SINCE THE ALL STAR BREAK!”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and SNIFF SOME TEEN SPIRIT in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like ROY HOBBS and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “I SEE YOUR POINT, EH, LIKE MAYBE MY HOSER TEAMMATES AND I SHOULD JUST SHUT UP AND HIT, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to _________GAIN SOME RESPECT____, while knowing in their heads that _______ARETHA FRANKLIN WAS NOT ON THE ROAD TRIP________.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed _________LEW FORD___, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that ________SLEEPY________ is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like _____PUNTO_______ , _______BARTLET___ and _______TYNER___.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting secind baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “_______JUST STINK’N IT TO TK FOR TRADING ME AFTER I PAINTED MYSELF GREEN FOR A ST. PATTYS DAY GAME________.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and ___________DANCE ON IT WITH COURTNEY LOVE___ in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like _____FREDDY PATEK__________ and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “_______________I COULD HAVE SAT NEXT TO BERMAN AT THE ESPY’S____________________________, eh”
This entry was posted on Sunday, August 12th, 2007 at 8:40 pm and is filed under Use your imagination. You can
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to SCORE MORE THAN TWO RUNS, while knowing in their heads that EVEN MIRACLES WON’T TURN A PIRAHNA INTO A HITTER.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed RONDELL WHITE, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that TY WIGGINGTON’S 10 YEAR OLD SON is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like PUNTO, PUNTO, NICK and NICK PUNTO.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “NOT EVEN OUR BATTING PRACTICE PITCHERS GIVE UP HOMERUNS TO CHONE FIGGINS.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and ‘RE-WRITE SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT’ INTO THE MORE APTLY TITLED ‘SMELLS LIKE LACK OF TEAM SPIRIT’in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ CIRCA 2001 and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “WE JUST GOTTA KEEP GOING OUT THERE AND TRYING TO SWING THE BAT, GIVING 100% AND HOPING THE BALL FALLS SOMEWHERE WHERE THEY CAN’T CATCH IT. I’M RUNNING OUT OF CLICHE RESPONSES AND NEED TO GO BUY A NEW HOCKEY JERSEY, eh”
No surprise here. Without ‘Rillo the Twins are sinking like a stone.
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts TO WAKE UP FROM AN ETERNAL SLUMBER TO FIND THIS NIGHTMARE HAD ALL STARTED WHEN THEY PRICKED THEIR FINGERS ON THAT ENCHANTED SPLINTERED BAT while knowing in their heads THAT SUCH STORIES ONLY HAPPENED IN FAIRYTALES….AND MAYBE OZZIE GUILLEN’S DREAMS.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed LITTLE NICKY PUNTO as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that BATTY, THE RECLUSIVE, LESSER-KNOWN AND FREAKISHLY TALL DWARF, is available.”
“Bah!” groused the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like ALL YOU HUEYS, CUDDEWEYS AND LEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIES.
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “WE KNEW THE CURSE [OF THE 2ND BASEMAN] WORKED EVEN WHEN THE GUY NAME WASN’T NAMED KENNEDY. NOW WE WANTED TO SEE IF IT WORKED WHEN HE DH’D.” HE STARED AT THE RALLY MONKEY AND PETTED ITS HEAD. “LOOKS LIKE THAT’S A YES.”
It was a dispirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave, AND LISTEN TO GRUNGE MUSIC IN ORDER TO APPLY ITS INSIGHT (INSTEAD OF THE POP STYLINGS OF HANNAH MONTANA, WHICH HAD BEEN BOUNCING AROUND IN HIS HEAD EVER SINCE ALEXI LET HIM BORROW HIS CD IN LA), ALL THE WHILE SEARCHING THROUGH HIS MAGIC BOOKS AND DOG-EARED HARRY POTTER HARDCOVERS –AGAIN– in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like BATTY WEARING UNDERDOG’S CAPE and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “FOR ONE, WE DON’T PLAY WITH RALLY MONKEYS AT OUR PRESS CONFERENCES. AND FROM THE TALES I’VE HEARD FROM MINNESOTA ELDERS WHO WATCHED THIS TEAM IN THE MID TO LATE 90s, IT COULD BE MUCH, MUCH WORSE … MANY ONLY GROAN AND MUTTER UNINTELLIGIBLY WHEN I’VE ASKED ABOUT THOSE DAYS. PLUS BY LOSING TO THE TOP TWO AL WEST TEAMS, WE’VE PREVENTED THE YANKEES FROM TAKING POSSESSION OF THE WILD CARD SO FAR, eh.”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to CRASH INTO A MOUNTAIN, while knowing in their heads that THEY HAD TO GO LOSE SOME MORE BASEBALL GAMES.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed SCOTT BAKER, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that THERE’S A BIT OF CRIME IN THIS TOWN, SO KILLING NICK PUNTO is available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like JOE , JUSTIN and THE REST OF YOU WORTHLESS SCHMUCKS.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “HEY, WHEN A TEAM IS THAT BAD IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER WHAT I DO IT’S NOT LIKE WE COULD HAVE ACTUALLY LOST A GAME!”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and TRY NOT TO SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like MARK TEXEIRA and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “I COULD BE A DATELESS FREAK LIKE JOE, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to VISIT DISNEYLAND. while knowing in their heads that THE RALLY MONKEY WAS STILL ALIVE.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed WAYNE HATTAWAY, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that THE BEAGLE BOYS ARE available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like OUR FISH, NO LEGS and THE STREAKER.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “I’M A BETTER HITTER THAN THE ENTIRE TWINS LINEUP, EVEN WHEN I’M FALLING FLAT ON MY FACE.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and DRESS LIKE COURTNEY LOVE WHILE CRUSING THE TOWN in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like MINI-ME IN A BAD WIG and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “WE COULD HAVE JOE MAUER PLAYING FIRST, WHICH MEANS LUIS RODRIGUEZ OR TOMMY WATKINS ARE THE BACKUP BACKSTOPS, eh”
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to ROUND THE BASES AT LEAST ONCE, while knowing in their heads that THE BALL HAS TO LEAVE THE INFIELD, FIRST.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed TORII HUNTER, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that TARZAN AND SOME APES ARE vailable.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like LITTLE NICKIE, JAUNTY JASON and ALEXI THE CAT.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “I CAN’T EVEN DROP BALLS AS BADLY AS THE TWINS.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and CLIMB THE SPACE NEEDLE in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like A RALLY MONKEY CROSSED WITH RON COOMER and routinely sprays virtual line drives.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “YOU COULD HAVE DAZZLIN’ DOUGIE HITTING SINGLES, eh”
hey ladies and dudes keep up the great coments.
scchweeeeeet
I am teh awesomer.
Oh yes.
I mean I’m not high on myself.
But I think I’m quite silly.
Demoralized and distressed from losing 2 of 3 games in Kansas City to start their road trip, the Twins flew to Anaheim, hoping in their hearts to _HOOK UP WITH PAMELA ANDERSON_, while knowing in their heads that _THEY HAVE ABOUT AS MUCH CHANCE AS MAKING THE PLAYOFFS_.
“Hey, guys, look! It’s Disneyland!” exclaimed _GARDENHIRE SPITTING A MOUTH FULL OF SUNFLOWER SEEDS ALL OVER HIS SHORT-SLEEVE WINDBREAKER_, as the plane landed. “Maybe Terry Ryan can find a bat there. I hear that _JOSE CANSECO AND BRIAN BUCHANAN_ are available.”
“Bah!” groused the the ghost of Jeff Cirillo. “I might have only come to play once every 3 or 4 days. But at least I had a clue when I was in the batter’s box. Not like _JOE-4_ , _PUNTO-4_ and _CUDDYO-4_.”
All talk in the plane came to a halt upon hearing a voice the Twins thought was in their past. The silence lasted about a minute, or about the same length of time as some of the team’s batting innings have lasted recently.
“Hey, Jeffrey Happypants,” said Johan Santana, breaking the quiet while looking in the general direction of the ghost’s voice. “Three at-bats in 12 days with the D-backs, huh? They must be thrilled to have you, pal. I sent Terry an IM when you left that said ‘+ by -. Not like losing Castillo.’ ”
But Cirillo’s ghost was a bad omen. After the 1-0 loss in Kansas City, the Twins lost the opener in Anaheim 10-1 when their light-hitting second baseman smoked a grand slam and they won 4-3 night when their light-hitting second baseman hit a two-run homer.
Meanwhile, the Angels taunted the Twins on Sunday by having their light-hitting second baseman be the DH for the first time this season. They won 6-2. Asked about it afterward, Angels hitting coach Mickey Hatcher laughed, played with his Rally Monkey and told reporters: “_IT MUST BE THE DORA THE EXPLORER BACKPACK FILLED WITH CANDY IN THE BULLPEN THAT MAKES THOSE TWINS PLAY LIKE LITTLE GIRLS_.”
It was a disspirited group of Twins who got on the plane Sunday night for the trip to Seattle, where they will play 3 games against the Mariners and start off by facing the King, Felix Hernandez, on Monday night. Michael Cuddyer, who is hitless in 6 of his last 8 starts, said that as soon as the team arrived in Seattle, he was going to visit Kurt Cobain’s grave and _FIGURE OUT HOW TO BATTLE BETTER AT THE PLATE_ in an attempt to find some hits.
Meanwhile, Nick Punto made Joe Vavra promise that Vavra would come up to his hotel room and throw batting practice to him on Punto’s Wii, where Punto has created an buffed-up avatar named “Nicky Baseball” that looks suspiciously like _THE TRAVELOCITY GARDEN GNOME ON STEROIDS_ and routinely sprays virtual line drives THEN SLIDES INTO FIRST BASE BECAUSE HE THINKS IT’S COOL.
And Justin Morneau, who has as many RBI this month as Smalley, Coomer and Gladden, tried to put the situation in perspective.
“I know I’ve been swinging the suck-bat,” Morneau said. “But it could be even worse.”
Conversation stopped again as the Twins waited for him to continue.
“Well,” Morneau explained. “_I’LL BE TRADED SOON SINCE I’M NOT FROM MINNESOTA, HOMETOWN HERO WILL TAKE OVER 1ST BASE AND I’LL MOST LIKELY WIN A WORLD SERIES LIKE OTHER FORMER TWINS BEFORE ME, NOW DOESN’T THAT SOUND SWEET, eh”
