After the victory: We get copied on the postgame emails
Posted on March 31st, 2008 – 11:09 PMBy Howard
Because of the weather, the Twins made a decision after the opener to hang around the Metrodome and take advantage of their cool new Internet cafe. They gulped down Powerades and snacked on ramen and mint double-stuff Oreos and, when they weren’t sending each other silly IMs (Gardy35: u c AdamAnt almost go deep? Kewl or whut, dawg?), they were filling the mailboxes of their loved ones. Some of the fellas copied their e-mails to Section 220 and it seems like sharing them is the right thing to do:
gogomez@veryspeedy.com wrote this: Mom, they said it couldn’t happen, but at 7:37 p.m. I drew a walk. And that’s not all. I stole 2 bases, got 2 hits, scored 2 runs and caught a fly ball to deep center by the guy who used to play this position for the Twins. I know there will be rough spots, but it was a cool way to arrive here in Minnesota. Did you know that it snows on Opening Day here? I gotta get some sleep. Me and Delmon are building a snowman in the morning. Love, Carlos.
livan@slowball.com wrote to his brother El Duque: Bro, did you watch the game on ESPN? What were they saying about me when I threw those 60 mph crudballs to Bad Vlad? And when I went 59 to that goofy Napoli the catcher and then struck him out with a 83 mph heater that looked like Nolan Ryan’s to him? Did you time me walking on and off the mound? I think I made it in a minute-thirty once or twice. But it’s cool. Things in Minnesota are really relaxed. There used to be this guy named Berenguer who they called Senor Smoke. Well, they’re into good health here, and I think I’m going to ask ‘em to call me Senor Smoke Free. You like? Hang in there, Your Bro.
pat@neshek.com sent this to his blogger friends at www.patneshek.com: I faced 4 batters tonight and fanned 3 of ‘em, including 2 lefties and Guerrero to end the 8th. After the game, 3 people from the Hormel Row of Fame wanted to trade their free hot dogs to me for Joe Mauer autographs. It was a stiff test of my vegan-ism, but I turned ‘em down. Gonna have a bowl of Tofutti and get some sleep.
littlenicky8@piranha.net wrote to Jason Tyner and Jason Bartlett: GUESS WHAT, GUYS? I GOT AS MANY HITS TONIGHT AS TORII!!! AND I ONLY PLAYED ONE INNING! Seriously, I didn’t even have to bat. Gardy put me in to run for the new third baseman in the 8th and then I got to play third base in the 9th! When they said my name, you should have heard the cheers! It was just like for Torii, only I think they meant it! Hope you guys are doing good, Nick.
joe-the-local-hero@babyj.org sent this to his cyberdiary: Dear Diary, I really like having Gogomez bat leadoff. If he’s on second base and I hit a grounder to second, guess what? He goes to third base. That happened twice tonight. Last year, whoever was batting ahead of me would probably still be on first base and those grounders probably would have been double plays. And one time, when Gogomez was on second, I smacked a single to center and he scored. I’m tied for the team lead in RBI right now Cool, huh?
gardy@manageru.edu writes to Carol and the guy at his local hardware store: We won 3-2 and Gogomez made me look pretty good. Of course, it could have been 7-2, if that little Adam Ant’s deep fly hadn’t gone foul or if we’d gotten some better at-bats in clutch situations. Cuddy and Morny left Gogomez at 3rd and Mitt Harris, our new second baseman, struck out with the bases loaded and 1 out in the 8th. Of course, a win is a win is a win. See you soon. I’m stopping for more bathroom caulk on the way home. Gardy.
torii@yesterdaysnews.mn wrote to anyone still listening: At first they were real nice to me. Everyone stood and cheered and I would have cried right there on the field except that the other Angels in the outfield said they’d fine me a year’s pay if I did. The cheers died down as the game went on and then I had one of those at-bats against Joe Nathan in the 9th. Waved at a couple of breaking pitches, shattered my bat on a foul and then swung at strike three. And you know what? Remember that blogger Batgirl, who used to get people to yell “Sit down, B!+(#,” whenever Johan Santana struck out someone? Well, when I struck out in the ninth, some woman behind home plate called out, “Sit down, B!+(#” at ME. Ingrates. That’s all for now. I’m heading over to Gameworks to see if anyone recognizes me. Later, T-Nutts.
25 Responses to "After the victory: We get copied on the postgame emails"
Ah, you’ve got Mauer with the “Dear Diary”. Perfect. Or should that be “Dear Dairy” for our Grip’n'Go guy?
Senor Smoke Free……I love it.
Howard’s back, people.
Enough with the bathroom caulk references already!
Bless you Howard, that was beautiful. Some might call it Batgirlesque (high praise, that).
So far, Gomez is a breath of fresh air. Gomez turns a single or walk into a double almost every time. The Twins have had touble beating the Angels and Weaver, but because Gomez causes so much trouble, the Twins beat that trend last night. By the way, who what was that guy’s name who played center field for the Twins last year?
Excellent work, Howard!
Did anyone else notice that when Neshek is on the rubber, he kind of dances like he has to pee?
That’s to throw the batters off. Give em some shake and bake then throw some wicked crap at em that they can’t understand till it’s too late
Senor Smoke Free is excellent!!!!
I agree mmmarkiep. I love Pat Neshek, but with his hip thrusts and awkward movements, he looks like Patrick Dempsey’s understudy from the movie “Can’t Buy Me Love”.
Ben
you just made me laugh. The first time in this blog I actually rolled. I am headed to Netflix now for nostalgia! Thank you. My kids might get a kick out of that one as well. This is my favorite comment ever!
One of your best posts, Howard! As Laurel mentioned, it reminded one of what we enjoyed so much from Batgirl.
Lets send Gomez down to the minors and keep Span up here hmmmmm…. I said. Anyone work with a guy that walks around with an igloo chest to keep his food for lunch cold and takes 16 craps a day cause I work with a guy like that. Can I trade one over eating constantly crapping guy for a bag of oranges and Nick Punto
Howard i felt so good this morning waking up after a great win in the home opener and now i’m laughing my ass off as well great post you have made my day.
GREAT POST HOWARD!!!
loved the opener, what a blast huh? nathan who stayed for less (not much less granted) K’s torii who leaves for L.A. $$$$$ goosebumps i hadn’t had since, well, the inning before when neshek knocks vlad in the dirt then K’s him…….gotta love our bullpen…win twins
Howard did you ever watch Family Ties. The dad from Family Ties. Hmmmm… Love the article Howard
Excellent post HS.Yes Torii is now officially yesterdays news here in Minny.I’m glad he was warmly recieved but he is now just another foe.
All you Hernandez Haters can just suck it!!!
GO TWINS!!!
/If you people must lambast one of our pitchers Rincoln is the one.
To shameless - Huh? Who lambasted a pitcher except for you, and you misspelled his name, to boot!
heh heh….”bathroom caulk.”
Still funny.
Did anyone read what an idiot columnist in the NY Daily News wrote about Santana and the Twins? Here is the Excerpt:
“Here is a different sort of lefty starter, a bit of Yankee-style, big-market thievery. Santana is a Cy Young winner transplanted in mid-delivery at age 29 from one of those pathetic, budget-strapped franchises in the Midwest.
Easy to use: Just plug him into the mound and watch the pop-ups.”
We offered him $20 Million a year, but I guess we’re budget-strapped.
The moron columnist is named Filip Bondy.
Those are great!
That lady behind the plate who yelled, “Sit down, B!+(#,” at Torii in the 9th wasn’t the only one… I’m sure anyone walking past my hotel room door at that point last night got an earful of the same thing.
Loved it.
Now, what do they do for an encore?
Ben: Your comment re: Patrick Dempsey and Neshek nearly made me spit out my coffee. Thank you. I love Neshek.
Howard, thank you for this post…as Laurel said, very Batgirl-esque.
