A good night to teach, a challenge for you
Posted on September 16th, 2008 – 8:16 AMBy Howard
First of all, I want to express apologies to all of you because I wasn’t able to acquire naming rights for The Blogpark at Section 220 Field. Apparently my offer to establish an endowment fund to teach major-league ballplayers not to dive into first base wasn’t deemed as attractive as the Target offer.
Second of all, I have no apologies for not having much to say about last night’s game. I had the good fortune to be teaching my Monday night writin’ class. I have a funky AV set-up in the room, so I was able to sneak peeks at the linescore while the students were doing a couple of exercises, and I made a command decision not to watch when I got home.
After all, my fantasy team rallied from a 13-point deficit to even its record at 1-1 (even with DeSean Jackson going Punto on his way to the end zone) and, after teaching for three hours, I’m all about rewards rather than punishment.
So here’s your challenge: Instead of commenting on anything I’m writing, throw down your best 100-word mini-post about the game and what’s going on with the Twins right now. No worries if you go a few words over, but please keep in mind that I said “hundred” not “hundreds” of words.
(off-stage voice: “Howard, tell the people what they’re playing for!”)
The winner, as judged by me, will receive … a rare 1991 Twins magnet schedule. Entries will be judged on content, creativity, originality, personal whim and the ability to avoid writing an entire post about Nick Punto.
Start writin’
92 Responses to "A good night to teach, a challenge for you"
OK but before I compose my entry, was I facing you in your fantasy league this week? I think I was ahead by 13 going in to last night but sure didn’t come out that way.
…The Rookie Blues…
At times you jump for joy,
At times you scream “No!”
Like a cake fluffed with rookie feats,
But spiced with rookie blues.
From hitting the cycle,
to one head-first slide too many.
Boys stepped up from swamp to mountain peak,
And men fell from 6-2 to 10-8.
It has been a rollercoaster that consists of treacherous peaks,
And dangerous valleys, but the seatbelts have not released.
Tomorrows remain,
Not many, but enough.
Boys get saddled up for a run,
Eager to grow the beards of men.
The postseason is their goal,
Even if it seemed impossible from Day 1.
On the shoulder of boys we ride on,
Time to take out the pistols and squeeze the trigger.
The horizon draws near and the mercury is starting to rise,
The light of the Post Season is glaring, luckily we still play in the shade.
~Situ
100 words? Howard… I have 16 words that are great plenty to describe last night. 100 would just beat a dead horse.
“Again, the Twins looked weak against a rookie pitcher and wasted a decent outing by Slowey.”
Splat, they’ve hit “the wall.” It began with the relievers, started infecting some hitters (and their gloves!), and now I would argue “the wall” has worked its way up and down the lineup and has even hit a SP or two (Perkins/Blackburn).
The team also has no edge to it. Maybe that’s a symptom of the recent struggles, but for the most part games seem to turn in the middle innings when we are trying “not to lose.” Rick Anderson can be composed as he wants to be as a coach, but I think its OK for a pitcher to show some emotion when he screws up. Mechanics can be taught but emotions should never be emulated!
[I’m over the word count limit but I really need to add this!] And Gardenhire is a fine manager, but I wish he would chill out a bit more and sit on the darn bench. Watching the games, he makes even me nervous when he’s standing on the top step watching every play from the railing, pacing up and down…you can feel the guy thinking and churning every move in his head. This has to eat on our players and, perhaps more importantly, feed the opposition with just that little bit of inspiration.
My daughter was collecting yet another award for being smart last night, so I didn’t listen to the game. I didn’t even bother looking at the box score. The score told me all I really needed to know.
I’m not feeling particularly creative, original or whimmy this morning, so it’s not the best time to be accepting such a challenge from Professor 220. But I don’t think an analysis of this Twins team is exactly rocket science right now, either. So here’s my entry, Prof:
****************************
Every team has good stretches and not so good stretches. Early in the year, this bunch of kids, many of which had only vague hopes of reaching the Bigs back in March, were having fun and playing loose… and winning games.
Now, they’ve thrown more innings, taken more swings, and run more bases than in any season of their lives and they’re playing in a pennant race at the highest level of the game… and they’re playing tight.
The few guys who have “been there before”, haven’t been there more than once or twice, at most.
(Wow, just counted and that’s 96 words… hmmm… how can I wrap this up with four more words?… let’s see…)
And the bullpen sucks.
the RNC sponsored road trip did the Twin’s in. this tired stretch by the club currently is just window dressing
they lost 8 games since August 22nd by the bullpen blowing a lead in 7 - 9 innings
short and sweet, we kept letting 86 mph fast balls go right down the middle, begging to be laced to the gaps, and swinging at strikes up in the zone and 4 feet outside (classic cuddy), slowey was decent but both homers were with 2 outs which was frustrating. casilla gomez and punto need to stop popping up, hit the ball on the ground please. we had a leadoff double and couldn’t even get him to third, that is bad and frustrating to watch. tonight is a must win with Cy Young pitching tomorrow. Go Yankees!
“Expects a lot and gives a lot. Even though he’s not on campus, he always calls back or emails. And he’s hot cuz he’s fly.”
yeah Howard, you fly.
Sorry Howard i don’t know 100 dirty words. The best way i can describe last nights game is they got shutdown by a kid who looked like he should be cruising the halls of the local high school for his home coming date.
great challenge, Howard. Here goes my mini-post:
Win some; lose some, but this game would have been won earlier this season. Pitching, hitting, base running, bullpen, Punto, many actualized targets for blame but, the bullseye, in addition to decorating the new stadium façade, is that the team sometime this season lost its ability to come back and win games. It isn’t an individual part; it is their sum. That earlier season magic seems to be lost, as is enthusiasm (and fun) for the game by the skipper.
Are these two related? Impossible to tell, but unwise to bet the season (and next) on the possibility they aren’t.
A Dozen Remain….6 Away, 6 Home
The TV crew brought to my attention last night that Scott Lewis was defeated by the Rochester Redwings this year. So what happens when he faces our Major League Club? Mr. Gardenhire starts Cuddyer? He is not ready to play ball, but lets stick him in the starting lineup. Ruiz, who yes has been struggling, but Ruiz has seen this guy before, seems like a no brainer. Span has been taking half-hearted swings, our lead-off hitter can’t go 0-4 with 3 strike outs, plain and simple.
Slowey was great. Guerrier is shot. LNP…..
My hunert werds:
Getting a new ball park, that’s a good thing! I like your idea, Howard. It could be called “The Dive”. As far as the team goes, I don’t detect a sense of urgency in the Twins. Maybe they don’t quite feel they are ready to be a World Series contender.(50) Um, let’s see………
I am tired of Ron Gardenhire’s same ol’ same ol’, “the other guy pitched brilliantly” speech. Why can’t he say, “Too often our guys come on to the field with a palpable torpor that is inexplicable. I don’t have a freaken clue what to do about it.”
In the midst of the tightest pennant race in recent memory, one needs diversions to beat the stress, especially after looking feeble against rookie pitchers. The diversion of choice for me: Thinking about what the Twins can do in the offseason to turn a contending team into a championship team for 2009.
The good news is the Twins are in a position where a few moves would make them the favorite in the division. The starting staff looks set with five solid starters and several arms in waiting. The bullpen should be improved with the return of Pat Neshek. And, aside from the left side of the infield, the team has solid to great options at every position. Punto and Buscher have some offensive skills, but their defense isn’t up to snuff; neither looks like an everyday player, though they would make decent bench options if affordable.
It looks like all the team needs to do is acquire a short stop and a third baseman with championship pedigree to become the favorites. Easier said than done: You would have to have a short memory to forget the Everette/Lamb or Castro/Batista fiascoes. The signature aspect of those two fiascoes is they acquired the players on the cheap. Championship-caliber players require more than a low-budget free agent signing. They likely will require giving up some good talent in trades.
So what do these stress busting daydreams consist in? A left side with Cristian Guzman and Adrian Beltre. Imaging Beltre in the middle of the order and a rock over at third. Imaging Guzman paired with Gomez at the bottom of the order and paired with Casilla up the middle. That is a championship-caliber infield.
So how do you get them? At the risk of scorn, let me suggest that the Twins have a surpluss of what the Nationals don’t have. Why don’t we send them Boof and Humber for Guzzy? They need pitching and these guys need an opportunity to start at the majors. As for Beltre, the Mariners have a great third-base prospect in the high minors. What they do need is an outfielder to replace Ibanez, who will leave for greener pastures. So how about Cuddyer straight up for Beltre? Perhaps you would need to throw in a prospect to even out the deal. But that would make the dollars work and satisfy the Mariners’ need for a high quality veteran.
Imagine this line-up:
1. Span RF
2. Casilla 2b
3. Mauer C
4. Morneau 1b
5. Beltre 3b
6. Kubel DH
7. Young LF
8. Guzman SS
9. Gomez CF
That’s a championship-caliber line-up that will win more of these close games that we have been struggeling with down the stretch.
I just think they’re tired and tight. That’s really it. When baseball players get tired and tight, they stop thinking clearly and concentrating as hard as they can early in the season. Bert keeps saying it’s “between the ears” and I think he’s right. From bad at-bats to mistake pitches, they need to play smarter.
* * * * *
I’m going to keep championing “The Store” as the nickname for the new park. I won’t give up until it’s the one.
Two weeks to go: Throats close. Hamstrings tighten. Palms sweat. And that’s just the fans.
The boys are fine. Gardy doesn’t need your advice. Punto doesn’t read your criticism. Delmon doesn’t need ankle surgery - he needs one of his two left feet removed.
So everybody take a nice, deep breath. Relax. Pet your dog. Smile at your wife. Play with your kids. Watch a little fall-league youth hockey.
And let the game come to you.
I’m sure, for it’s money, Target wants its name attached to virtually every distinct venue or area, but my choice would be to just name the entire area “Target Center”… and you’d have “The (Twins) Ballpark at Target Center”, “The (Wolves) Arena at Target Center”,
“The Plaza at Target Center”.
Started the day 1.5 out.
Ended the day the same with a game peeled off the schedule.
Scott Lewis made me think of Scott Leuis, but pitched like Cliff Lee.
As i alternatly cheered my beloved team as well as my new favorite, the Plucky New York Yankees(I just love that Jeter). i cleared my schedule next week in order to tune into the “rumble in the pillow”. As the Homer once said… “the winner will be showered with praise and the loser will be ridiculed until my throat is sore” 2010 was supposed to be the target. The field is going to be named Target. 2008 will be the race to 90 wins.
Howard, does this mean I have to watch the re-broadcast this afternoon? All for a magnet!?
100 Words or Less:
The Twins are being overcoached to death. Instead of simply playing the 9 best players that give the Twins the best chance to win, Gardenhire is schizophrenically moving guys in and out of the order with no reason. Ruiz starts a bunch, then nothing. Harris was finally finding a home at shortstop, then gone. Kubel gets yanked around, even though he’s our #2 power hitter on a desperate team in need of power. And then there is Gardenhire’s “bullpen by the book” coaching methodology. Nathan only gets used when the book says so. And Punto, well, my 100 words are up.
Lewis threw a straight FB at the rib level at 88 mph which had an ever-so-slight sink on the end. Then he’d throw the “identical” pitch. Don’t know if he 4-seamed it, but it would ever-so-slightly rise. Result? Swing-and-a-miss.
The Twins should have creamed those pitches. But they would have had to become 50/50 guessers to do so.
You know, that old, oft-not-reliable formula for offensive output — lots of K’s and a bunch of HRs and doubles.
Instead, they had 1 hit total after 8 innings not counting Young.
Do the Twins employ anyone to do in-game video analysis? I know someone who can do it.
:)>
Howard,
In May we could see the bullpen was going to be our biggest issue. It righted itself for a little bit in June, but once July hit, we knew that was issue #1. The Twins were in the unexpected position of competing for the division, and had choices of either making a move to strengthen the bullpen (and 3b) or try to continue to get by on the cheap, get their 2.2 million fans, and pat themselves on the back for a successful season.
It was this time in early July that I could just sense that they were not going to give the team the bullets they needed to win a terrible, terrible, division.
They passed on trades, and passed on picking up the #1 ground ball pitcher in baseball (bradford) who has flourished since, cause tardy and co. don’t like that he is a “contact reliever.”
Tardy continues to bunt in the first innings, now is playing Cruddy instead of Ruiz (who looks like he can hit), which makes no sense cause Cruddy couldn’t make the playoff roster anyway. Plus Cruddy stinks. Too bad, this was the easiest of all the division titles we could’ve had if the FO cared more about winning and less about the bottom line. Yeah, I don’t think we will win the division.
Twins 2008 Haiku
Many rookies play
Leaves fall outside empty dome
Better luck next year
Howard, I like the idea. However, I could’ve easily gone to 300-500 words. Beats writing a paper on The Chinese Revolution. My entry:
————————————–
After a long off-season of frigid temps and trade winds just as bitter, Twins Territory cooled about the chances of the 2008 Twins. Their out with the old, in with the new philosophy drew the ire of fans and pessimism from critics. Established stars such as Torii and Johan gone. This left a void in the team from the Land of 10,000. A team expected to finish no better than 4th in the Central. No power you ask? How about speed? They said the clutch hitting couldn’t last; still batting .300+ with RISP. Now anything less than a division title will be disappointing. Did anyone see this coming?
-Roto
punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto punto. punto.
Yep, exactly 100 words. You can take it to the bank.
Pesky…halarious! Nice job.
Let me try one..
Target field is here
Twins future looks promising
Need bullpen help now
Ok..not as good as Pesky’s…I think that one is one for the ages.
If two words could could sum up last night’s game, my feelings, every Twins fan’s feelings, Kevin Slowey’s feelings they are “Again?! Really?!”.
How is it that these unknown, rookie pitchers can have such a grasp around out Twins’ wrists and we can go out and destroy Cy Young award winners? It is discouraging knowing that the White Sox with their plethora of recent injuries and subsequent sub-par play continue to hold a 1.5 game lead over the Twins. While I have been a dead-set believer in my head and heart for this month-long struggle for divisional King of the Hill I must admit that confidence has slipped ever so slightly, but slipped nonetheless.
The Twins simply cannot get it done on nights the White Sox lose. I do not know what it is (are they trying to set we, the fans, up for another last-day-capturing divisional crown), but it must stop!
Three positives from last night’s game…Reyes, Slowey, and as usual Span and Gomez’s outfield coverage.
Negatives…Span’s strikeouts, Cuddyer starting, and 0-1 out pop-ups with runner(s) in scoring position.
-Nick
This was one of the 60 they were meant to lose. The kid Lewis pitched well, but they had a bunch of at-bats with a runner at second and got…..zippo.
Home runs are killing this team. The opponents’ last 13 or more runs have come via the long ball.
Time for some offense tonight and then scratch enough runs on Wednesday to beat Cliff Lee.
this team is troubled
bullpen is mass of firemen
Gardy has some friends
There once was a team named the Twins
Who continued to struggle for wins.
They were facing a rookie,
so I went to my bookie,
And now I see the error of my ways and the frustrating lack of hitting against poor pitchers. (and I also discovered my lack of talent for finding a word that fits the flow and ends with “ins” for me to finish my word-thingy off nicely)
(Not that this guy was a poor pitcher, but it is a trend against not-great pitchers) (Nick Punto Nick Punto Nick Punto)
This is funny:
Norwegian word for Target=mål
The Mål of America!
My calendar still says 2006. Been pointing that out regularly this season. I even feel younger than last year. I offer you current proof:
9/16/2006: Twins are 2 games behind. Twins are on a 3 city eastern road trip. Opponents are Cleveland, Boston (the only difference), Baltimore. Final two series at home, against (drum roll) KC and Whities.
9/26/2006 Twins are 1 game behind. The Twins end the final 5 games going: 2 wins, 3 losses. Magically, the Twins end up 1 game up.
Yep, 2006 all over again.
Your right Carlos it is like Deja Vu all over again.
Well, I know I’m going to lose this competition right off the bat by breaking the rules, but I have to give due to one of the funniest lines I’ve read in Twins blogdom all year:
“(even with DeSean Jackson going Punto on his way to the end zone)”
That was priceless.
So I thought about being a smart aleck and coming up with a 100-word breakdown of the “game” last night, including insightful analysis on how Donovan McNabb seems to be having an unstoppable bounce-back year and Tony Romo and the Cowboys offense is about to make the ‘98 Vikings look feeble, but, as I did watch the local 9…I will stay on point:
The offense has been there all year, so when they take two days off you can’t get too excited. The thing will still come down to bullpen. The only inconsistent starters we have are Blackburn and Perkins, and even they are pretty darn good, so hopefully soon enough one or both of them will be transferred to the bullpen so we can begin to downgrade the usual suspects.
As for that timely Twins offense–I have faith. I have faith that ultimately if Punto views being on the basepaths as a right and not a privilege, we’ll be okay. I have faith that Span and Casilla will continue to give us good at bats at the top of the lineup. I have faith that Morneau will continue to drive in runs. I have faith that Kubel, in moderation, might yet emerge as our secondary homerun threat. I have faith that Gardy and Scotty and Andy and Stevie and Jerry and Stelly and Joey and Blondie will insert enough fire for 45 more days of “getting after it” and “battling their tails off”. I have faith that Harris’ presence on the bench will serve as a constant reminder that hitting doubles and HRs is no substitute for getting after it. I have faith, fans, I have faith.
I don’t have faith in Cuddyer, but then I never did…although I didn’t expect the injury asterik to be placed on his 2008 campaign, I did expect continued regression after signing that contract. It’s okay though, we got this far without him, maybe he’ll provide the necessary moral support.
Or even a HR or two.
our last 22 games we are 8-14 not the record of a championship team in a playoff run. 6 weeks ago punto came back had real bad body language for awhile but turned it around for several weeks. gardy now seems to have inherited the bad body language. he looks beat and it seems the players draw off that. the few veterans we have do not show confidence, morneau by example but other than that no fire. the only player that looks alive is gomez. nicky is a veteran but plays like a rookie, cuddy looks like he’s back in the first week of spring training, not sure what that’s all about, the pitchers all look tired. the team will have to add some leadership next yr. can’t see a backup catcher being the team veteran leader. really hard to see this turning around on the road. great season but a wasted opportunity that may not come again for years.
Hi Howard, here’s mine, Situationer inspired me.
From the north came a very young team,
With a coach who knows every scheme,
Their all they will give,
With honor they’ll live,
And one day will fulfill all our dreams.
Go Twins Go
When FSN interviewed Riccardo Ingram before the game about Scott Lewis, he said that the Twins needed to have a patient approach. I knew right then that this guy would give them trouble.
Another feeble offensive showing from Brendan Harris. I used to think Kubel struck out looking a lot. Obviously Mr. Harris thinks he has a better eye at the plate than the umpires do. I don’t know how you keep him in the lineup over Brian Buscher.
Cuddyer looks slow, which is to be expected, but he also looks rusty.
What the heck happened to Matt Guerrier? He picked the worst time possible to fall off a cliff.
And yet we may still limp on in to the playoffs.
Kevin Slowey was just trying to join the club of Nick Blackburn, because Blackburn has The Sideburns, by allowing all his runs off of homers. With the confusion of the road trip and double header, the staff accidentally packed the ass-bats from the last game in Baltimore instead of the boom-boom bats from the first two games. Luckily, Joe Mauer had a spare boom-boom that he’d almost forgotten about and pulled it out in the 9th, but he was just so happy about lining one over the fence that he forgot to give his bat to Justin and Kubel. And then the game ended.
Could we keep the ball in the friggin’ park and hit a few of our own as well? Twins have been outhomered 7-1 in the past two games. Last night was the game to win and possibly take the series. If Liriano wins tonight, it will be tough to take 2 of 3 with Cliff Lee going Wednesday. I hope Andy Pettite has enough left in the tank to beat the Mighty Whities tonight in the Bronx.
Here’s mine:
After another failure against a lefthander, a rookie no less, the Twins have proven that Major League Scouts do earn their pay and they do talk to their parent clubs, and sometimes the parent clubs even listen. Word is out on the Twins - Pitch a lefty, you’ll win. Or worst case hang around long enough to get to the worst Twins pen in recent memory. (Why, oh why do I have visions of Ron Davis in my head?) The Twins had a decent shot of solving one of their problems at the deadline (LeTroy anyone?) but they didn’t move fast enough on one offer and the most disfunction team in MLB (Seattle) held on to the bats that could have helped us, by demanding a king’s ransom for them.
Feel free to sing along compliments of the Twins theme song.
If we’re gonna win Twins, we need to score. If we’re gonna win Twins, the bullpen’s ERA should be under four. Crack out more home runs, and not hit them all in May. Lets make a push for the 2008 playoffs today!
We need Cuddyer back, we need Neshek more. We need a big bat to add to the batting corps. Gomez should start listening to what coaches have to say, these are my thoughts of the Minnesota Twins, tooooo-daaaaaay!
WOW Chris gets my vote !!
Easily the best on yet is from Chris. Had to take a few liberties with pronunciation to fit the song, but otherwise quite awesome.
Yup, Chris. Writing lyrics is my forte, kind of.
“If we’re gonna win Twins, get-the bullpen under 4.00″.
Thanks guys!! Good thought with the bullpen line too. I just wrote it with the intention that “ERA-should-be” could be said quickly to fill only a couple beats.
Pesky’s Haiku was brilliant. Very Zen.
Here are a few more.
Sliding into first
A great way to get injured
Nicky Punto sucks
Count’s in my favor
It’s time to hit a pop-up
Nicky Punto sucks
Somehow I got on
Another baserunning gaffe
Nicky Punto sucks
Line drive right at me
Oops, it got away from me
Nicky Punto sucks
Groundball to shortstop
Watch me backhand the ball, oops
Nicky Punto sucks
Gardy’s line-up card
Harris, Tolbert, or Everett
I’ll go with Punto
Great job Chris - you get my vote too!
Go Twins!
nuff said…
(Skip over this one if you want):
SKOL TWINKIES ! ! !
Skol Twinkies, let’s win this game!
Skol Twinkies, hope the Sox don’t do the same!
Go get a home run,
Then get some more runs,
Rock ‘em, Sock ‘em,
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT ! ! !
Go Twinkies, run up the score!
T, DOUBLE-YOU, I, N, S! ! !
Skol Twinkies, LETS GO ! ! !
I was contacted yesterday by a writer from the Strib after responding to a reader inquiry regarding the naming of the Twins’ new ballpark. The man asked me what I thought of the naming, and I responded by saying I thought it was a decent name given that they went the corporate route. When asked if I could have thought of anything better, I suggested Target name the area of land occupying the Target Center and Target Field something like Target Place, then get more creative with the stadium names. What about Kirby Puckett Park at Target Place, kinda like Oriole Park at Camden Yards? He loved the idea. He also asked if my opinion of Target had changed since the news came out, and I said yeah, it had. I now think more of Target. Any company that associates itself with the team gets a thumbs-up. In fact, I remembered to go to Target over break yesterday in Chanhassen to buy a few odds and ends because Target was in my head from the morning’s news. Then I realized why a corporation would want to tie their name to a popular venue. Their advertising had already worked on me, and it had been just a few short hours since the announcement was made.
I caught a foul ball at a Twins game against Toronto in 1999 and hadn’t been back to a Twins game until last Thursday against the Royals. I brought that same foul ball with me to get it signed by a player or two. I was holding the ball out when a fan bumped me and I dropped it on the field. I asked for it back, but no one heard me and I saw Brendan Harris pick it up and toss it to the ball boy, who placed it in his bucket of balls. I barely even paid attention to the first couple innings of the game. I just watched that ball boy. At one point, he ran a few new balls out to the home plate ump. I was certain that my ball had made it back into the game. With Mike Aviles batting, a foul ball bounced behind the plate. The ball boy snagged it and tossed it into the stands, right to my son. I got my ball back the hard way.
Maybe Target can get the Vikes a stadium also. Call it the Target Bowl or something.
No, that sounds too much like Toilet Bowl.
IMO, this season of promise was severely handicapped by the front office’s refusal–yet again–to make any serious effort to patch holes mid-season. It’s mid September and there’s still an unsettled bullpen full of holes with no established roles, daily experiments at third base, He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named the best option at short, and a weak enough DH situation to allow the manager to come to the conclusion that Cuddyer, with virtually no live hitting under his belt since June, is his best option.
I had high hopes after this winter Bill Smith would be much more proactive than Ryan. Instead, all season we’ve heard the same tired old excuses from the front office we’ve grown accustomed to over the Ryan regime.
I agree, Chief. Hopefully the only reason no acquisitions were made, is that everybody wanted to screw us big time out of young pitching. Right now I’m worried we gave up a good young pitcher for Eddy, and that will come back to “BITE” us. (Hamburger, get it?)
Might as well join in on the Haiku frenzy.
This sums up the current Minnesota Twins Situation.
Little League Errors Hurt
Inconsistent Hitting Spells
The Bullpen Is Shot
GO TWINS!!! Don’t count us out just yet.
You know what’s going on with the Twins right now? They miss Batgirl. Without Batgirl, there’s no sass. There’s no nicknames, no dissected mound conversations, no Legovision, no inspirational songs for pitchers after embarrassing moments (who doesn’t remember Nutty the Athletic Cup?)
What the Twins need more than anything is not a set-up man, not players who are 100% healthy (because who is this late in the season?), not a platoon of approximately all of AAA Rochester at third base. We need someone who can rally the troops, who can call upon the power of the great one (Tony Gwynn) and get the boys off their butts and into gear.
We need Little Nicky Punto, the Chairman, the great Doctor, NBP, Cuddles, Twitchy McXanax, and all the other players that don’t have nicknames yet to remember who they are, where they came from, and what they’ve done before with less.
Time for a Haiku…dedicated to Ozzie..
Ozzie opens mouth
Can’t understand many words
Press 1 for English
Beth nailed it. Everyone misses Batgirl.
OT: Howard, why can’t I find your email address anywhere?
We Miss Bat-Girl’s Voice
Who will keep twins fans at ease
Section 220
I hope Howard grades these on a curve or the majority of us are screwed.
Lotsa good stuff here. I should turn this space over to you all more often.
Email is section220@startribune.com.
So…you need some writin? How about this for a scenario? Joe Mauer was just minding his own business, bent over and drying off from his post game shower, when Brian McNamee came up from behind and goosed him….right in the cheeks….with a syringe. When big Joe turned around and said “what the heck was that?”, McNamee answered…”Oh just a little B-12 in your butt!” Joe said with a sly smile and a wink “you could have at least bought me a drink first!”. Poor Joe, being from the Minnesota and a very simple man, would accept this explanation as fact. Then later in the season, young Joe would begin hitting homeruns at an alarming, increasing his total from six to eight. This is my input on what is needed to pick this season up.
The Lowry Mailman
Thanks Howard…we are a talented bunch, aren’t we? 
One more haiku.
Cry for speed in left
Young runs like Herman Munster
Painful to watch him.
Howard I think we need a Haiku contest in Section 220. What do you say?
Howard, hope I’m not too late for the contest.
Winter of ‘07-’08: will I boo Torii the first time I see him in a Angels uniform? Yup, sure did at Cactus League game. Wow, BS has chutzpah swapping Garza and Bartlett for Young et al.!! Exciting now. Should I cry or just drink or both now that Johan is gone for good in exchange for who??
Spring Training ‘08: not much expectation for this team but hopefully it will be a building step towards ‘09 ++. BB “experts” agree giving even Royals more love than the Twins.
Pre-ASG: More ups and downs than the roller coaster at Coney Island. Not looking good for The Franchise early on.
Post-ASG: This is serious, they have a realistic shot at postseason!! Can they just get ahead and stay ahead of the freakin’ Whities??!!!
As of this minute: way exceeded my expectations for ‘08 but will definitely leave that bad taste if they miss the postseason, especially remembering all the collective contributions by everyone with or without initials LNP to NOT being ahead of the Whities by at least 7 or more games.
Last parting shot: in addition to my query about Twins allergy to power, how about Anderson’s allergy to walks and Gardy/Vavra allergy to strikeouts (flip side of power allergy)? Given that all Twins pitchers seem to be vying for the Carlos Silva Memorial Award for fewest bb/season it’s a major surprise that we don’t give up 4-5 HR’s every game. Sometimes being effectively wild a la Gavin Floyd can get you a near no hitter. On the other hand patiently working the count plus Twins thinking they have the eye at the plate of Joe Mauer (including lately Joe Mauer himself) result in strikeouts anyway with no compensating power when the bat does run into the ball.
Thanks Twins for the season so far, but you know we are never satisfied with just that…keep focused, you’re way better than non-Twins fans think.
Pesky..yes he does run like Herman Munster. Although I don’t think the stadiums shake or ground cracks when he runs.
Punto in line-up
Rusty Cuddy in line-up
Ozzie smiles
This team’s missed opportunity in 2008 can be summed up in a poem:
So many bad losses—too many to count,
Disgruntled fans have seen the bullpen meltdowns mount.
In April it was thought to be the team’s strength.
Now Guerrier can’t effectively pitch at any length.
Neshek got hurt, Crain can’t be trusted
and Guardado is old and rusted.
Reyes is unreliable, and how about Boof—
This former starter is one big goof.
Punto hustles and Punto dives,
earning plenty of high-fives.
But two bonehead plays on Sunday
helped put his team one-and-a-half out by Monday.
Delmon’s not nimble, Delmon’s not quick
He hasn’t had much of a stick.
Gomez swings mighty and wild,
His lack of baseball knowledge makes him look like a child.
Mike Lamb was a huge stiff,
He perfected the swing and whiff.
Everett had no arm,
And at second base Harris did lots of harm.
We projected them to win 75,
unexpectedly they’ve stayed alive.
But reality is sinking in
that this team is not good enough to win.
OK Howard, here goes: In 1984, The Twins were a very young team battling for first place until the Jamie Quirk homer loss, followed by the Viola 10-run lead meltdown loss. Gaetti admitted it’s hard to play with both hands around your throat. No one expected the Twins to contend that year & as the pressure mounted for the first time, they finished the season with six losses. They say history repeats itself. I hope not. But remember, the same core of players won the World Series three years later. Hopefully if 1984 history repeats itself, so will 1987. Regardless of the final outcome, it’s been a great season to be a Twin’s fan.
Howard, while I was composing this the Twins managed to do a pretty good meltdown of their own this season. Franchise gives up homers & looks like the pitcher BEFORE he was sent down. Punto throws one away. Span drops one he normally catches. Mauer lets one go between the legs. Now Franchise can’t even make it through three innings. Maybe Gaetti was right when he said it’s hard to play with both hands around your throat!! Hopefully this will be a good learning experience & will help lessen future “meltdowns”. 
Once upon a time I had a beautiful black labrador named Maxie. She was an overachiever when it came to pheasant hunting. Each day we hunted, she kept fighting and fighting, but when she hit the wall for the day, the hunt was over that day. The Twins overachievers hit the wall. They keep fighting and fighting, but I do believe the hunt is over. But like I enjoyed every hunt with Maxie, I have enjoyed every game of the Twins season this year. The PUPS wore down, but will be better hunters next year, and for many more to come. And we will all live happily everafter. The End.
Sincerely,
DrDon
Well the boys are really fighting back in the 5th & 6th innings. The most “spunk” in days. there’s still hope.
That’s why baseball is such a great sport. No clock.
I thought Buscher looked P.O.ed on that swing.
C’MONNNNNNNNNN GO GO!
Another Player of the Week ! ! !
One other thought, the Rays will also be feeling a little pressure when we play them. But on the other hand, even if they (the Rays) choke away first place, they will almost have the wild card wrapped up, so not quite as much pressure. Fun isn’t it?
“2008 Twins Theme Song”
We’re gonna lose, Twins
We’re gonna flop
We’re gonna lose, Twins
Watch that baseball d-r-o-p
Tap out a pop-up
Hit into a double play,
Boo at the Minnesota
Twins Today
All the way back to take the lead! Hope the bullpen vindicates itself.
Uh Oh everyday eddie. The Indians hit the flag pole & Gogo’s liner with the bases loaded goes to 3rd for a double play. Fate is not smiling on the boys.
What a joke !!!!
Say it aint so Joe !!!!!
For the latest Twins news, please turn to the obituary page. And for you comedy fans, stay tuned here for plenty of “it doesn’t matter how far we’re down, we have the White Sox here for 3 next week” comments from the usual Twins apologists.
I wanted to work on a witty poem or story as many have done is response to Howard’s charge. After tonight’s game I feel like Jim McKay in ‘72 delivering that bone chilling line, “They’re all gone”.
The words to describe the past two nights and the season boils down to this:
The final numbers will prove they are who we thought they were. Still, nobody could have imagined the way in which it would be revealed to us. Love may mean never having to say your sorry but wouldn’t hurt to tell us how and why you left us feeling that it all could have been so much more. Much was gained and much was lost. We just wish this fight could have ended with the 2008 Twins competing like the team we’d thought they had become.
Howard-
am slow of mind these days, so only this last home stand (yes, after 75 games) did I realize that I sit totally opposite you, and I’d even thought about getting a ticket in the rarefied section 220 to see how the game looks from 180 degrees away. I sit in 200, with my feet on the gate to go down onto the TV bucket — and you sit 3 seats to the left of the ladder on your side (I think it was 3, but hard to count with binocs). Hope you’ll come to see how the other side looks sometime before we have targets tattooed on our skulls, before this becomes Targe-sota.
after tonight’s game, you’re going to need that thesaurus again.
No pitcher has became a stopper down the stretch. Remember even Boof doing that in 2006? What would it mean for Baker to beat Lee, to just shut him out? It’s expecting too much, I know, but it’s the kind of performance you need when you’re in a race. A Viola, a Tapani, a Santana. A Blackburn?
Flipside: I got to have more Tolbert. Third or short every day here on out.
I was at the game last night and as I sip the morning java and reflect….this is a DAGGER….You want pressure? No more losses and you win the division…that’s pressure
Out of gas:
When your ace and your closer both implode on the same night, it’s not a good sign.
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