If the Twins haven’t established their clubhouse court system yet, today would be a good time,. with the initial case of 2009 being Morneau v. Span.

The crime, pursuant to Rule 10.04 of the Official Baseball Rules, is classfied as deprivation of an RBI from a deserving player. Span should be charged with two counts of said violation  for alleged violations in games Monday and Tuesday against Toronto.

The complaint filed in Twins Territorial Court would state that on Monday, 13 April 2009, Span failed to score from second base on a double to the right field wall by Morneau. Visual insufficiency on the defendant’s part resulted in his only advancing to third base, where the RBI was heisted by an accomplice (Jason Kubel) via fielder’s choice.  Defendants attempt at in-game compensation, a two-out steal of third base in the following inning, turned out to be meaningless.

Furthermore, on Tuesday, 14 April 2009, defendant Span failed to go from second to third on a bunt single by Alexi Casilla and then, with plaintiff again batting, could therefore advance only to third when plaintiff hit a single off the right-field wall. Had defendant taken third on the bunt single, he would have easily scored on Morneau’s ball, even if it had been caught (instead of trapped off the wall) by Toronto’s right fielder. In addition to RBI deprivation, plaintiff and defendant’s team (d/b/a as the Minnesota Twins) was wholly deprived of a run when, with bases loaded, Michael Cuddyer struck out and Joe Crede grounded into a double play.

(Prosecutor’s note: No charges would be recommended against Crede based on community service already performed: His 11th-inning double that scored plaintiff from first base to allow the Twins to win game of 14 April 2009 and end their 10-game losing streak against opponents from Toronto. It is further recommended that Cuddyer, who has experience as a magician, be required to concentrate on finding a bat with some magic in it.)

Recommendations: As you study Twins statistics through nine games, consider Morneau to have tallied 10 RBI instead of eight. Punishment for Span should be tempered by his team-leading .439 on-base percentage and willingness to play all three outfield position. The prosecution, representing the people of Twins Territory, suggests defendant should spend extra time with baserunning coach Jerry White and be required to demonstrate increased proficiency in this aspect of the game as the season progresses.

Prosecution also strongly suggests that concerned parties within Twins Territory remember that, over time, things of this sort even out.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 at 8:39 am and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.