At a time like this/when everything looks hopeless/…
Posted on August 10th, 2009 – 11:03 AMBy Howard
…it’s time for haiku.
Because we’re not tackling the weighty issues of the day, I don’t feel like I’m doing a disservice by not taking apart the weekend. If you want the rapid rewind version, it’s something like: Bad umpiring… Swarzak melts down… more bad umpiring… Can Pavano pitch every day? … Baker?… Cuddyer!… Look at Delmon go DEEP! … Gardy calls out Harris … Guerrier loses lead on doinks … Twins 5 1/2 games back with 51 games to play.
But, instead, let’s try to wrap our feelings into 17 syllables in the traditional 5/7/5 format.
I know things are bad
But if we show discipline
Maybe it will rub off
Hunter Wendelstedt
Second-generation ump
Daddy must be proud
Pavano pitches
Everything’s right for a day
Then Baker falls short
Cuddy and Delmon
Go deep and even deeper
Announcers wet pants
Cabrera gets hits
But his range playing shortstop
Creates a trade-off
Guarding the lines late
That’s a baseball axiom
Don’t need to be told
Kansas City, Cleveland
Are the next two opponents
Six-and-oh seems right
I could do more, but it’s your turn…
101 Responses to "At a time like this/when everything looks hopeless/…"
Twins, 500 team
Poor running, hitting, pitching
They are imploding
Twins, 500 team
Mauer, Morneau, Kubel hit
Others, not so much
Twins, 500 team
We were wrong about pitching
Starters regressed badly
Wendelstedt is bad
Todd Tichenor is still worse
Blame it on the umps
Punto does small things
Bunting, fielding, grittiness
Just not when it counts
If Twins batted eight
Pitcher’s spot would have come up
Where’s Korecky now?
Pavano is thrilled
To play for a team with hope
Cleveland is better
Punto or Harris
Those are my options, really?
Sigh. There is no right.
ERA too high
2nd baseman matters not
starting pitchers stink badly
ooops, meant to delete that badly on the last line, sorry….
I love your fourth one, Howard…
Season may be done
Three-nothing, yet Tigers won
Our pitching stinks
Gardy rips Punto
Gardy rips Harris? Confused?
Sarcasm, legit?
Thanks very much Jason
It was Tigers radio
They were in pure awe
KC, Cleveland next
If the umps do their job right
Punto will be fine
5 and a half back
Remember two thousand eight?
Too soon to give up
I will not give up
Nationals won 8 straight
In Gardy we trust
Smith trades up (sort of);
Gets no prospects (what we need).
Hope for next year? (Oy).
Fire Gardy Quickly
The Team Isn’t Listening
Time For A New Voice
The team is headed
in very wrong direction
time for a new head
Gardy’s best is passed
players thrown under bus
while most fault is his
Andy Must Go Also
Staff Is a Total Mess
Needs A New Mantra
Stats prove Cuddyer
can’t hit in clutch. Career RISP
just .235.
(The) Staff Is A Total Mess
Get facts straight, Jimmy
Men in scoring position
Two-seventy-four
Team is without Ace
Baker proved that yesterday
Umps not at fault there
Howard was dead-on
Cannot blame Cuddy at all
He’s been very good
bloggers too hung up
on punto punto punto
he isn’t the crux
Um…I was thinking of a way to put this into a haiku, Howard, but I think a more direct approach will be better. Your format is fine but there NEEDS to be some sort of nature reference to make it an ‘official’ haiku!
Punto can’t bunt
Harris doesn’t guard line
Gardy head explodes
Reality is
Punto will not start next year
Why not make change now?
To my friend Koopa
The whole point of the season
Play in October
Season? October?
Those refer to nature, right?
It’s baseball haiku!
A pitching collapse?
Forget Vavra and Bill Smith;
fire the team psychic.
You know the pitching
is depressing when you wish
Livan were starting
My favorite haiku of all time:
Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don’t make sense,
refrigerator.
It should be easy
playing the bottom two teams;
Royals give trouble.
Screw this year, I’m going to look ahead.
Danny Valencia
Aaron Hicks, Angel Morales
Miguel Angel Sano?
Whoops, meant Miguel A. Sano 
haiku without Fall
Twins without good pitching staff
Fall is cold empty
Too many holes, Twins
impossible to fix now
Free agency is hope
Twins suck anywhere
Even on Thunder Island
They are not welcome
Why do I follow?
It makes me sick and hollow.
Tardy on Pavano.
What is the basis
of KC’s royal kingdom?
Corn? Blues? Not Baseball.
Punto? Harris? Oy!
But watching Twins still better
than Sage or T-Jack
Five and a half out
Pitching’s gone cold as March winds
Stick a fork in em
I hate this Haiku
And the Twins stink just as much
Leaving this blog now
Educated man
Never heard of this Haiku
Seems stupid to me
Bill Smith loses weight
Forty pounds is what we hear
Too bad all in brain
We should publish these
“Twins fans cry through poetry”
Make a buck or three
Larry Anderson
Has lost his magic this year
Needs new job in ‘10
Joe C says hold up
Schedule is in Twins’ favor
Gardy still top 5?
Not one Twins starter
Has a decent strike out pitch
Foul, foul, then groove one
Punto no good Bunt
Harris cannot guard the line
Crede Shoulder ouch
“Larry” Anderson?
I bet you mean our very
own Rick Anderson
Why do you stink Twins?
Really, why do you stink?
Why do you stink Twins?
Yes, yes, yes, sorry
Currently in post-lunch haze
Thames’ ball just landed
Catch ball, circle mound
Take hat off, wipe sweat off head
He’s bound to meltdown
Can anyone guess this?
He’s frustrating to watch pitch
Laboring all day.
I bet they go 3-3 on this homestand.
In ‘06, it seemed bleak
In ‘09, they’re up a creek
Pitch well, Twins can streak
Fire smith and let
the Pohlads sell
the team to someone
who is willing to do
what it takes
Punto blows the bunt.
Gardy tries to blame himself
But dumps on Harris.
Gardy Still Top Five?
Sorry But Not Even Close
Living In The Past
Twins are done
Twins are done
Twins are done
Twins are done
Twins are done
Done…done…
T Mouse Writes Classic
Manager Must Look At Self
Harris Not A Goat
ShawnBradleyGuy,
It’s Francisco, yes?
who pains you oh so deeply
here comes implosion
Manager rips team
Manager rips all but self
Please sit Punto down
Runs do cross the plate
Pitching awful, let’s just let
Them hit off a tee
Release Punto
Release Liriano
Release Casilla
Release Delmon
Release Redmond
Release Gomez
Release Buscher
Release Dickey
start over
My beloved Twins
you are a wicked temptress
“there’s always next year”
ShaunBradleyguy:
All Starters Fit Bill
Pacing Clueless On The Bump
Baker Most Guilty
Big time problems
when the team starts pointing fingers
not just the umps, but at each other
No leader on team?
Puckett never called out guys
More leading, less talk
Infield is still bunk
Grudsie, Grudsie Where Art Thou?
Day late, dollar short?
Bunk starting pitching
I thought we had five aces
They look like deuces
Whether we win out or not,
The Pohlads profit,
As I keep watching.
E7
Buscher has been released or sent back to AAA.
Punto WILL start next year, Jason…..
Truth is: Twins Suck……..
Ayala, Dickey,
Crain and Henn, Mulvey and Perk.
My God, I miss Boof.
Howard: I wish I took your advice from your article last week and did something other than watching Twins Baseball.
One last game 7?
Won’t happen if we can’t pitch…
Toughen up & win.
Learn Haiku, Rocky.
Your syllables are all wrong.
The Twins do not suck.
Look on the bright side.
Twins have almost lost the race,
But football is back!
Original Kev
And many others it seems
Cannot do Haiku
sorry
“Look on the bright side.
Twins have almost lost the race,
But football is back!”
was mine blog gremlin strikes again now back to regularly scheduled Haikus
Gardy will be back.
Punto will be starting.
Our Twins, 2010.
Gardy blames players.
Fingers point in clubhouse.
Pitching still stinks.
This season seems lost,
Can Bill Smith save team, himself
Bring help, sign Mauer
Offseason screwups
Can bite your arse o’er summer
Keep that in mind, Bill.
If (when) Billy fails,
Fans should revolt and not show
Target Field, wasteland.
Aaron Harang clears
waivers. A new pitcher in
the Twins’ rotation?
The need is there
Harang is there
Is the money here?
Punto can’t bunto
Can’t put ball in play either
Kills all Twins rallies.
Red faced fool leads them
Bleak winter in mid summer
Loves only Punto.
Perkins says he’s hurt
I do not believe a word
Such a wimpy boy
No help from Grudsie,
Twins to look elsewhere, I hope.
Pitching needed more.
Twins release Grudzie.
More Punto and Casilla.
Pitching still stinks.
Grudsie gone like that
Groundhog Day in mid August
Six more weeks of Nick
Grudzielanek Gone?
If It Wasn’t The Right Fit
Why Did Smith Bother
Minnesota boy
Says it best, “It’s not dark yet
But it’s getting there.”
Franky is now back
Starting rotation again
Predict many walks
PGA in town
Win! Twins!?
Who cares.
Bloggers need a life
Bloggers need a life
Bloggers need a life
Bloggers need a life
YES!
Tigers play Red Sox
Twins facing weak Royals dreck
Must make up ground now
Season not over
Still time to get on hot steak
Must pitch much better
Mourneau blames Smith
GM not chasing head high
Pitches for strikeouts
We don’t need bad blood
Bats and gloves do the talking
Players should shut up
Mauer and Morneau
Better than the other Twins
Throw in Nathan, too.
I like Mike’s at 11:19:
ERA too high
2nd baseman matters not
starting pitchers stink badly
He meant to delete “badly” to get five syllables,lol! That’s ok. Poetic license.
Jim Pohlad has cash
Billy Smith spends like miser
Twins fall like red leaf
Watching the Twins lose
Makes me want to get up
And go take a bath.
Billy makes bad trades
Keep it up and Joe is gone
Justin will follow
Goodbye Mauer
Goodbye Morneau
Goodbye Nathan
Have fun in New York.
AG, you effed up! You need 5,7, then 5 syllables. Three lines. Blasoline at 8:49 is all effed up also. He needs a life.
You’re both out of the loop.
Twins really struggling
but mad dash to Mankato
Harley continues
